Not Much Happened Or At Least Not Much That I Cared About But Still, Sorry This Is Late

“These are the words we use to say goodbye”

                       --Beck

My top five Prince songs:

Delirious

I Could Never Take The Place Of Your Man

Let’s Go Crazy

Raspberry Beret

Little Red Corvette

I suppose if I was cooler I’d have deeper cuts, but these will do me just fine.

Sorry for the delay, it has been a busy week and frankly The Voice didn’t do a whole lot for me this time around.  This is going to be very short.  Here are how I ranked the singers and maybe a quick note or two on the show:

Shalyah Fearing – Deb (excited) “oh Shalyah, what are you gonna sing for us little girl???”  She quoted Kelly Clarkson lyrics.  That’s friggin’ adorable.

Hannah Huston – Man she is weird.  Deb turned me on to Etta James.  I like Etta James.  I don’t like Hannah Huston as much as I do Etta James, but do like her quite a bit.

Bryan Bautista – I have learned that my feeling about a romantic song changes when the singer becomes more known for an acrimonious divorce than his output.

Owen Danoff – I did not know the song that he sung, but it was a crazy cross of In The Year 2525 and Cat’s In The Cradle.  Won the sing-off but sure looks like he isn’t going to make it much longer.

Adam Wakefield – “It’s about setting up the foundation for where my roots lie.” 

Alisan Porter – Deb:  “No.  What is Alisan Porter wearing? No no no oh my so much no in that last 25 seconds.”  She is probably best but I liked others more this week.

Nick Hagelin --  wisely switches up to pimp the wife instead of the kid, well played, young man.

Mary Sarah – I was bored and didn’t pay attention.  Deb:  “she was good but don’t we already have Carrie Underwood?”

Daniel Passino – Debbie hated this so much.  I was mostly all right until the ending where I was “WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?”

Laith Al-Saddi – I hadn’t noticed how much Laith resembles Paul Giamatti.  For the record I am ambivalent bordering on not caring for Paul Giamatti. 

Paxton Ingram – I feel nothing when Paxton sings.

Emily Keener – Pharrell!!  Why the hell didn’t you stop her?  That song choice was never going to sell, she was halfway done and I was writing that she was going home this week.  The judges praised her technique and maybe it was fine but that doesn’t matter IF THE SONG ISN’T ANY FUN TO LISTEN TO.  I was already getting annoyed with how logoed up Pharrell is all the time.  This is two strikes, pal.

I actually like that Adam has been dressing up the past couple weeks.  I don’t know what this show is doing to me but I don’t think it is healthy.

STANDINGS!! 

Hopefully I’ll be interesting next week.  Don’t hold your breath.

Resignedly,

Brother Pat

You Never Hear The Bullet With Your Name On It

“I’m a full grown man

But I’m not afraid to cry”

                  --Beck

I didn’t actually realize until this morning that my team was wiped out in one fell swoop.  It was so quick!  There were TSAVFL shakeups ALL OVER THE PLACE.  Spring Breakers had four singers knocked down to one.  Under Pressure and Johnny 5 Is Alive both doubled their rosters at least briefly in the case of the latter.  Carson’s Way got a singer back and then promptly lost three to also get knocked down to one, while Can’t Truss It!  and Hummingbird Lightfoot and the Spiders From Mars are cruising with three singers left to each.  Gina M was the only team to not lose anybody last night.  I’ll tell you one thing though – it’s gonna BE A DONNYBROOK for that last place trophy.  The Big Short racked up enough early points so now that they are knocked out it is going to be a slow sink towards the bottom but will anyone go out early enough to challenge me for the second straight loser’s trophy??? 

As an aside, this is what Deb said when I told her my team was gone:  “Y’know, you won that one year.  That really must have been a fluke, huh?”  Indeed.  Thanks, honey.

TSAVFL analysis from the worst owner in the league seems a ridiculous thing, but that’s what I do and there’s no reason to stop now.  I ranked all the singers immediately after each of them sang so let’s go with the order I put them in:

Shalyah Fearing.  I was trying to think of a better performance I’ve seen on The Voice ever and can’t.  The only thing I can compare it to in the reality show singing contest arena is when Fantasia did Summertime way back when.  Deb had tears in her eyes and said “how did I not have her in my final three?”  I’m asking myself the same thing.  That was just great.  Solid number one pick, Jim.  You bastard.

HEY!!  Did you guys realize that THIS WEEK’S episode of The Blacklist is the one that CAN’T BE MISSED?  I risked it and lost.  I hope you watched it. 

How did Joe Maye go home?  Love the song, thought he knocked it out (really enjoyed how Blake suggested he sing the first chorus straight in order to get the audience familiar and then he was able to both do that and make it his own) and it was easily my favorite performance of that first night.  But then again, remember how many people I still have.

I expected Hannah Huston to get more bonus picks than she did.  She’s really good.  Both Bryan Bautista and Emily Keener needed judges saves to move on but I thought they were both well deserved.  I really like all three of them.  There are a lot of people to root for this time around.

I’ve probably mentioned before that I do not get the Janis Joplin love, it’s always been my feeling that if she hadn’t died she wouldn’t be much remembered.  So Alisan’s song didn’t resonate with me as much as it probably did with others, but she did it well, as did Kata though it wasn’t enough for her.  She should have yodeled it.

I’m most bummed out about Caroline but I was too biased to be able to judge her effectively.  I realized while she was singing that if I ever have granddaughters they will be able to swindle me out of everything I own if they end up mean enough to want to.  I had her right down around the danger area in rankings but really expected her to advance.  Sigh.

Mary Sarah sounded like she was getting drowned out by the band early on but got better as she progressed.  She was also down in this danger zone range but I never felt she would be in danger of going home and don’t think she will be for awhile yet.  Her hair was bugging me because it reminded me of someone but I couldn’t remember who.

Any The Voice drinking game must require a shot whenever Pharrell runs out of things to say and just tells the audience to clap instead.

Of the four comeback artists I thought Daniel Passino was the most deserving and he showed that I think.  My reaction to Justin Whisnant was “that guy???” and while I don’t think it is calculated you just know that Tiny Tim was a big part of why Nick a) came back and b) moved on.  Nate never had a chance trying to follow up the force of nature that was Shalyah with Sara Smile of all things (good song, wrong vibe right after that).

There were things that surprised me all around.  I hadn’t remembered Adam Wakefield all that well so when no fewer than three of y’all picked him as a finalist I was eager to find out what I’d missed.  What I realized:  You should all be ASHAMED at throwing away your judgement/ethics/ears by deciding to just go with “Blake’s Country Guy” in the callous pursuit of five bonus points.  Though I still love each and every one of you I can’t say I haven’t lost a tiny bit of respect.  He is horrible.

Debbie wants to be a stylist on this show.  This happened while watching Katie Basden who I realized looks quite a bit like Kelly Clarkson.  She had two other great things to say during Katie’s segment and they made me so delighted I’m just going to give the quotes with no explanation:  “I like her I mean I think I like her no I like her, y’know?”  And “I hate that dress it’s a dress with a feather vest and a giant belt cinched around her waist and her hair is styled just horribly oh god it’s just all bad ohhh dear.”  Also on Monday during one of the group shots before commercial Deb saw Kata and made a vomit noise to herself.

Speaking of styling what the hell was up with Xtina’s Lily Munster hair and whatever those gloves were?  I didn’t get those AT ALL. 

I don’t know what else to say now and don’t feel like going through the folks I had at the bottom of my rankings, I did have 8 people that went through in my top 12 so that seems decent.  For the record this was the order:

Shalyah

Joe

Hannah

Bryan

Emily

Alisan

Caroline

Kata

Mary Sarah

Daniel

Brian

Nick

Katie

Ryan

Owen

Moushumi

Caity  (Deb during her song:  “man it just seems to never end”)

Tamar

Laith

Adam

Paxton – how Blake saved him and not Joe is a friggin’ mystery and frankly a TRAVESTY.

Nate – but not entirely his fault.

Lacy

Justin

STANDINGS!!!  Barring any surprises it looks like Hummingbird and Can't Truss are gonna be battling it out for awhile.  In the meantime I remain,

Why Can't You Be Nicer To Me?,

Brother Pat

Bonus Picks Are In!

"I'm a loser, baby, so why don't you kill me"
                           --Beck


Here it is, in all it's glory:

Currently as last season's last place team it is MINE ALL MINE.  And Erin, you could not have chosen a better quote -- I've been using it on Debbie since this arrived.

Have not watched last night yet, we'll catch up on that tonight.  But Bonus Picks have been received and here they are:

Hummingbird Lightfoot & the Spiders From Mars:  Shalyah Fearing, Adam Wakefield, Bryan Bautista.

Spring Breakers:  Alisan Porter, Ryan Quinn, Brian Nhira.

The Big Short:  Alisan Porter, Mary Sarah, Owen Danoff.

Can't Truss It!:  Alisan Porter, Moushumi, Bryan Bautista.

Carson's Way:  Alisan Porter, Mary Sarah, Adam Wakefield.

Johnny 5 is Alive:  Alisan Porter, Caroline Burns, Hannah Huston.

Under Pressure:  Bryan Bautista, Caroline Burns, Hannah Huston.

Train a Comin':  Alisan Porter, Adam Wakefield, Bryan Bautista.


Both Adam & Bryan got more action that I thought they might.  I wasn't surprised that most of us had Curly Sue Gone Wrong.  Thought there might have been a little more love for either Ryan or Mary Sarah or Hannah.

I will update the standings with these momentarily.  Good luck to all!

You May Not Be Ready To Go Home But Someone Has To So Quit Saying That People

“I’m tired of fighting

Fighting for a lost cause”

                --Beck

Friends and followers of TSAVFL, we have TWO big battles going on in the standings right now!  Post knockouts the Live Round Bonus kicks in, and it has split TSAVFL just about in half.  There are no less than five teams in a donnybrook at the top – Hummingbird Lightfoot has squeaked to the lead with 26 points but he has two other teams right on his heels at 25 each:  Spring Breakers and The Big Short.  Right behind that Can’t Truss It! (23 points) and Carson’s Way (21) are ready to step up and take advantage of any weakness in the teams above them.

This is where I call out our award coordinator Erin for once again going above and beyond – WE HAVE A LOSER TROPHY AND IT IS MAGNIFICENT!  I meant to put a picture with it but will follow up with that later, suffice to say that as the CURRENT HOLDER of this award I could not be prouder of my humiliating loss and one of these teams:  Johnny 5 is Alive (12 points), Under Pressure (11) and Train a Comin’ (9) are all in the running to inherit it at the end of the season.  Each of these three are down to one singer, so it’s anyone’s game there as they tussle for TSAVFL’s lost cause.  Erin, the trophy is another Thing Of Beauty and we are a better league for it.

BONUS PICKS ARE DUE THIS WEEK!  EMAIL THEM TO ME!  Remember, we’ve bumped up the point total to 5 for each successful guess given just how goddamn hard it has been to pick these correctly so don’t lose out!  I hear that like last year the coaches may bring someone back – same rule applies as last year, no credit for the knockouts but will get a live round bonus and points going forward.

As of now, here are the coaches teams ranked by me (and the singers will be in best to worst order as well):

Team Xtina:  Alisan Parker, Ryan Quinn, Bryan Bautista, Tamar Davis and Kata Hay.  The team to beat, no?

Team Adam (god I hate myself):  Caroline Burns (THEY ARE SAVING HER FOR THE LIVE ROUNDS!!), Owen Danoff, Shalyah Fearing, Brian Nhira and Laith Al-Saddi.  I always expect Laith to lose but then he comes out and is delightful every time so far.  I could see him catching on a bit in live voting.  Shalyah and Brian both have that potential to get better as the season goes along.  Stronger team from Adam than I anticipated but I feel confident he’ll find a way to mess it up, and with my luck it will be Caroline.

Team Pharrell:  Hannah Huston, Emily Keener, Caity Peters, Moushumi and Lacy Mandigo.  Love Hannah as I’ve said, like Emily a lot though not sure she’ll be consistent enough to go all the way.  Caity hasn’t done much for me so far but who knows?

Team Blake:  Mary Sarah, Adam Wakefield, Joe Maye, Katie Basden and Paxton Ingram.  Mary Sarah is definitely a contender, maybe Adam.  Joe Maye was way weaker than I expected in the knockouts and Katie & Paxton are just meh for me so far.

I didn’t take a ton of notes this week because I was either getting tired of battles or was bored.  Was very sad to see Abby Celso go though, I liked her a bunch. 

Line of the week from Debbie talking about Kata Hay:  It’s like her face is a confluence of everything gone wrong.   Deb is not enamored with Kata.

Next week WE GO LIVE!!  Standings as usual can be found HERE.

While dreaming of TSAVFL hardware, I remain, yer pal,

Brother Pat