You Never Hear The Bullet With Your Name On It

“I’m a full grown man

But I’m not afraid to cry”

                  --Beck

I didn’t actually realize until this morning that my team was wiped out in one fell swoop.  It was so quick!  There were TSAVFL shakeups ALL OVER THE PLACE.  Spring Breakers had four singers knocked down to one.  Under Pressure and Johnny 5 Is Alive both doubled their rosters at least briefly in the case of the latter.  Carson’s Way got a singer back and then promptly lost three to also get knocked down to one, while Can’t Truss It!  and Hummingbird Lightfoot and the Spiders From Mars are cruising with three singers left to each.  Gina M was the only team to not lose anybody last night.  I’ll tell you one thing though – it’s gonna BE A DONNYBROOK for that last place trophy.  The Big Short racked up enough early points so now that they are knocked out it is going to be a slow sink towards the bottom but will anyone go out early enough to challenge me for the second straight loser’s trophy??? 

As an aside, this is what Deb said when I told her my team was gone:  “Y’know, you won that one year.  That really must have been a fluke, huh?”  Indeed.  Thanks, honey.

TSAVFL analysis from the worst owner in the league seems a ridiculous thing, but that’s what I do and there’s no reason to stop now.  I ranked all the singers immediately after each of them sang so let’s go with the order I put them in:

Shalyah Fearing.  I was trying to think of a better performance I’ve seen on The Voice ever and can’t.  The only thing I can compare it to in the reality show singing contest arena is when Fantasia did Summertime way back when.  Deb had tears in her eyes and said “how did I not have her in my final three?”  I’m asking myself the same thing.  That was just great.  Solid number one pick, Jim.  You bastard.

HEY!!  Did you guys realize that THIS WEEK’S episode of The Blacklist is the one that CAN’T BE MISSED?  I risked it and lost.  I hope you watched it. 

How did Joe Maye go home?  Love the song, thought he knocked it out (really enjoyed how Blake suggested he sing the first chorus straight in order to get the audience familiar and then he was able to both do that and make it his own) and it was easily my favorite performance of that first night.  But then again, remember how many people I still have.

I expected Hannah Huston to get more bonus picks than she did.  She’s really good.  Both Bryan Bautista and Emily Keener needed judges saves to move on but I thought they were both well deserved.  I really like all three of them.  There are a lot of people to root for this time around.

I’ve probably mentioned before that I do not get the Janis Joplin love, it’s always been my feeling that if she hadn’t died she wouldn’t be much remembered.  So Alisan’s song didn’t resonate with me as much as it probably did with others, but she did it well, as did Kata though it wasn’t enough for her.  She should have yodeled it.

I’m most bummed out about Caroline but I was too biased to be able to judge her effectively.  I realized while she was singing that if I ever have granddaughters they will be able to swindle me out of everything I own if they end up mean enough to want to.  I had her right down around the danger area in rankings but really expected her to advance.  Sigh.

Mary Sarah sounded like she was getting drowned out by the band early on but got better as she progressed.  She was also down in this danger zone range but I never felt she would be in danger of going home and don’t think she will be for awhile yet.  Her hair was bugging me because it reminded me of someone but I couldn’t remember who.

Any The Voice drinking game must require a shot whenever Pharrell runs out of things to say and just tells the audience to clap instead.

Of the four comeback artists I thought Daniel Passino was the most deserving and he showed that I think.  My reaction to Justin Whisnant was “that guy???” and while I don’t think it is calculated you just know that Tiny Tim was a big part of why Nick a) came back and b) moved on.  Nate never had a chance trying to follow up the force of nature that was Shalyah with Sara Smile of all things (good song, wrong vibe right after that).

There were things that surprised me all around.  I hadn’t remembered Adam Wakefield all that well so when no fewer than three of y’all picked him as a finalist I was eager to find out what I’d missed.  What I realized:  You should all be ASHAMED at throwing away your judgement/ethics/ears by deciding to just go with “Blake’s Country Guy” in the callous pursuit of five bonus points.  Though I still love each and every one of you I can’t say I haven’t lost a tiny bit of respect.  He is horrible.

Debbie wants to be a stylist on this show.  This happened while watching Katie Basden who I realized looks quite a bit like Kelly Clarkson.  She had two other great things to say during Katie’s segment and they made me so delighted I’m just going to give the quotes with no explanation:  “I like her I mean I think I like her no I like her, y’know?”  And “I hate that dress it’s a dress with a feather vest and a giant belt cinched around her waist and her hair is styled just horribly oh god it’s just all bad ohhh dear.”  Also on Monday during one of the group shots before commercial Deb saw Kata and made a vomit noise to herself.

Speaking of styling what the hell was up with Xtina’s Lily Munster hair and whatever those gloves were?  I didn’t get those AT ALL. 

I don’t know what else to say now and don’t feel like going through the folks I had at the bottom of my rankings, I did have 8 people that went through in my top 12 so that seems decent.  For the record this was the order:

Shalyah

Joe

Hannah

Bryan

Emily

Alisan

Caroline

Kata

Mary Sarah

Daniel

Brian

Nick

Katie

Ryan

Owen

Moushumi

Caity  (Deb during her song:  “man it just seems to never end”)

Tamar

Laith

Adam

Paxton – how Blake saved him and not Joe is a friggin’ mystery and frankly a TRAVESTY.

Nate – but not entirely his fault.

Lacy

Justin

STANDINGS!!!  Barring any surprises it looks like Hummingbird and Can't Truss are gonna be battling it out for awhile.  In the meantime I remain,

Why Can't You Be Nicer To Me?,

Brother Pat