Battles Week Two (WAY too late to need a spoiler warning!)

“Look at the men that you’d call uncle

Having a heart attack around your ankles”

                --Elvis Costello

Hi!  I apologize for the delay this week, my back went out on me Monday afternoon and though you would think that three days in bed would leave plenty of time for a comprehensive recap well, I agree in theory but in actuality that clearly was not the case.  I ended up watching Monday’s show without the lovely Deb and I have to say that my enjoyment of The Voice was hampered despite very high levels of self-medication. 

First things first – team names!  Ed will be able to accommodate those into the standings at the top of the scoreboard page so get ‘em in or I’ll make one up that is not likely to be your favorite.  So far I have names for myself and Jim.

I’M A BLIND JOE MAN!!  Loved it when Blake said “should I be callin’ you Blind Joe?”   YES YOU SHOULD!  Singing “Old Time Rock n Roll” was boring but Blind Joe’s little exclamations in between every line that Red White and Blaine sung were hilarious, though I grant you might not feel that way if you were on the other end.  Another debatable steal at best from Adam after the Blind Joe victory.

I was unironically THRILLED that No One Is To Blame by Howard Jones was chosen as a song because it remains one of the very best songs of the 80’s and I love it.  But part of the reason that the dumb steals piss me off is that they prevent anyone from stealing actually good singers.  Like Lyndsey Elm my sweet princess who totally won the Howard Jones battle with Braiden (I look like a creepy animatronic teddy bear) Sunshine yet still got dumped at the curb because Gwen picked that very moment to make a stupid stupid choice.  Even Jim would admit Braiden should fall into a cistern somewhere before he becomes a killing robot and takes out an innocent family rather than winning that battle.  I hate Gwen right now.  I WON’T FORGET YOU LYNDSEY.

Jim and I matched up again in the Andi/Alex and Chance Pena battle of some Lady Antebellum song I don’t know or remember.  NBC was once again caring enough to spare me any kind of suspense by clearly letting us know neither party was going anywhere beforehand (WHY DO YOU KEEP DOING THIS???) so the only thing I had to wonder about was whether I would have one point or two.  I think Chance has a much better voice than I’d realized before plus has that whole old crooner vibe going without the burden of only being able to croon.  The twins win the battle but in the long run I believe that Blake is going to appreciate his second Chance.

Someone has to be feeding Blake bald lines.  There is no way he has seen or heard of Powder and I’m doubtful he knows anything about Blue Man Group except the name. 

Carson was back in form with the six-to-eight syllable intro for each singer, I think the best was during Pharrell’s battle between Evan McKeel (The Virginia Rocker With Church Roots!) and Riley Biederer (The Ex-Gymnast Turned Pop Singer!).  This was also a one team battle with Gina M going up against Gina M.  Another good but overdone so ends up ho-hum battle song we’ve heard too often (Higher Ground) but it was sort of sweet how they each wanted to be more like the other.  The reasons for Riley being an ex-gymnast were pretty clear too since she grew up to be about Evan’s height and size.  You can’t be a tall gymnast, not a good one anyway.  Anyway, Gwen stole Riley which was stupid but I guess you need a fallback to put your best people against in a knockout.

There were a couple other TSAVFL team vs TSAVFL team battles:  Deb had Amy Vachar go against Jubal and Amanda.  You know my feelings on the proposal but Amanda was clearly thrilled about it so I’m an asshole for pooh-poohing their love and OK with that.  That battle resulted in Deb’s only loss in the battles, she was 5-1 which was good for 10 points and a share of the early lead.  On the opposite extreme we had Erin v Erin with Emily Ann Roberts against Morgan Frazier.  I called that battle for Morgan both pre- and post-song so of course Emily Ann won.  For once I was glad to see a steal because I liked Morgan and also because this was the only battle where Erin got any points and it would have sucked so bad to see her down to just one singer after the first round.

Adam during the Viktor Kiraly/Cassandra Robertson battle:  “there is no difference between a one-chair turn and a four-chair turn”

Blake:  Yeah, keep on thinking that.

So!  We are through the first round and there is a tie at the top:  Jim and Deb with 10 points, both of them 5-1 with all wins.  But, Gina T had what may be a first, ALL SIX OF HER TEAM MADE IT THROUGH, putting her right behind with 9 points.  Ed and Gina M both ended up 4-2 with 8 and 7 points respectively.  Tim and I follow at 3-3, worth 5 points for Tim and 4 for me with a win and two steals.  Erin is at my heels with the 3 points from her last battle.

SCOREBOARD IS HERE!!

Next week – the knockouts begin!  Time to start nailing down your bonus picks!!  We’ll be way more prompt with the recap too.  Until then,

Keep TSAVFL’in’,

Brother Pat