“Thought I knew all the rules
Quite clearly I don’t have a clue”
--Elvis
Costello
Friends and members of TSAVFL, once again we have made
HISTORY. However, unlike many milestones
that we cherish and celebrate, this might be even better because it is an
ignominious feat that has been achieved and rather than celebrate we are able
to mock and really, isn’t that at least just as fun? Because FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, a team is
completely eliminated BEFORE THE LIVE ROUNDS EVEN START!! Yes, Brother Pat’s Traveling Salvation Show
is down to exactly zero members after the (honestly) horrible decision to send
hat wearing Dustin Christensen home instead of the Irish guy singing one of the
WORST SONGS OF ALL TIME, I Want To Know
What Love Is. I was certain Dustin
would go through because for me it was impossible to judge Keith Semple because
every note of that song sucks so damn hard.
I’m sure he’ll follow it up in the live rounds with We Built This City. Christ
on a crutch. I had always suspected that
my win a couple seasons ago was a fluke, and now thanks to the past two years I
am able to confirm that fact. Anyway, I’m
out and as such this will be the last recap because what is the point of life?
Kidding. Y’all are
stuck with me for awhile yet. It was bad
enough to lose Blind Joe (DON’T GO BLIND JOE!!!) and it sucked to see Chance Pena up against
Ivonne Acero because I JUST LOVE HER.
Deb felt bad after Dustin went home:
“Oh Pat! Do you want anyone from
my team?” “Nah.” “Are you sure?”
In the meantime Deb and Jim are battling it out for first
though Deb still has two singers to go while Jim has just Zach Seabaugh whom I
expect to go through. Gina T is right
there behind them and STILL HAS ALL HER SINGERS!!! She still has FOUR to go though on Monday so
it should be a nerve-wracking time for her.
Ed is next with one singer to go but Gina M is right behind him and she
also has three more going Monday. Tim
isn’t far back and has two singers left to perform while Erin still has one to sing
and will be passing me any time now.
Blianna or Rake.
Tough choice. She’s been great
hasn’t she? I don’t know much of her
music but she has always struck me as pretty genuine and that comes through in
her coaching.
Amy Vachal should have went with Blake but her gut told her
to pick Adam instead. I’m not so sure
about Amy Vachal’s gut. I’m glad Madi
won that battle because she was wonderful but I still am thinking that Amy is
one to beat. You guys, what do we do if
Deb picks yet another winner???
By the way, there is absolutely no reason to trust any
opinion I have this season but regardless I am calling this right now: Jordan Smith is this years India Carney. BOOK IT.
As you know, I liked Sawyer Fredericks. I do not care much for Braiden Sunshine at
all but my god Gwen is into him. It’s
almost like he is her personal Ken doll.
He looked like the most unsexy crooner EVER. I felt bad for Ellie though, she knew right
away he killed it and she looked and sounded defeated right from the
start.
Deb on Viktor’s
hair: DUDE! You are not in Wham!
We are convinced that there was a backstage deal in place to
get Morgan Frazier back on Blake’s team.
CORRUPTION AT THE VOICE??? Does
NBC = FIFA?? WAKE UP SHEEPLE! There was no way Darius Scott was going to
lose that one though, man he was good.
MONDAY THE KNOCKOUTS END!!
What does that mean to you? It
means that next week you need to get me your Bonus Picks for the finals! It is my one chance to get more points and
goddamnit I am GOING FOR IT. Until then I
will be huddled in the corner softly mourning my defeat.
With plenty of TSAVFL regrets,
Brother Pat
Oh, I didn’t realize. Regrets, Pat.
ReplyDeleteSide note: I did hear rumors that Sepp Blatter was the next Mentor. Coincidence?
OMG it would be awesome to see ol' Sepp mentoring. "Vat you need is to gif judges $1,000,000 and zat should vork".
DeleteI'm sorry, Pat. The only consolation is that you're going to get the sweet sweet last place trophy. I'm actually a little sad that I will narrowly miss getting to keep it (since I'm clearly NOT going to win).
ReplyDeleteHere's how bad my judgment is. As I was watching the twins sing, I thought, "they could win the whole thing!" and then they weren't picked and weren't stolen. So...
I was actually surprised when Korin beat Summer because I thought Korin won the battle but my instincts have been so awful I figured that meant Summer would go on.
DeleteThe Twins are on my team, and I did not like that performance. Did any Coach mention how pitchy they were? I can’t remember who they lost to, but i feel like they deserved it. When they sing in unison, though, they are cute as the dickens.
ReplyDeleteBLAINE!! They lost to BLAINE!!!
DeleteBlaine is the one who signed the deal with the devil/Sepp Blatter, isn't he?!? I ain't complaining!
DeleteThe twins WERE pitchy.
I am 100% sure that Morgan Frazier getting back on Blake's team was setup from the get go. here's how it went... The producers have a hand in the initial match ups, hence whatever the other blonde country girl on Blake's team being pitted against Morgan, Blake did not like that match up, he didn't want to lose either of them. The producers insisted but said one of the coaches would steal her, let's have it be Pharrel, he can toy with country for a bit, pit her agianst Darius who he has no intention of eliminating, Blake steals her back. Mic drop.
ReplyDeleteThose two blonde country girls on Blake's team are Erin's last two members. They could last awhile cuz you know Blake is thirsty these days.
DeleteAnd the moon landing WAS a fake!!
DeleteBut, Deb, you didn’t pick her, so Morgan shall not win. I say it’s Amy as well. Or Barret (but I don’t like him. Too Wild Billy.) Korin is a dark horse, but she could get the Square Pegs vote.
ReplyDeleteWasn’t Madi great? She’s 16 and wants to be Joni Mitchell. Just delightful.
Maybe Mr Sunshine will get Freaks & Geeks vote.
Let’s talk about Fluffy Bookworms not having any eliminations. She’s afraid it’ll jinx her, so that will make the conversation more fun. I think she’s doing excellently. She could take it all. I feel like I’m in a dream.
I think she has all her team listed on the magic blackboard.
DeleteMan!!! DON'T JINX ME, BRO!
DeleteDo not mock the magic blackboard. It's powers are used sparingly, and only for good.
Gina- That disturbance in the air is the fact that no one on your team has been eliminated... I smell a conspiracy.
DeleteOh, Pat, I'm so sorry. When Blind Joe left, I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror, and were suddenly silenced.
ReplyDeleteMadi was AMAZING. Just flawless!
I said on Slack that Jordan looked just like Roger Ebert, and now I can't unsee it. I just need to make sure you ALL see it.
Rhianna is KILLING it!
I feel like Erin needs to pick my Bonus Picks! I'll pick them myself, but I'm scared! You know what, though? One of them is gonna be Blaine!!
I'm not on team Blind Joe, I thought it was extremely uncouth the way he stepped all over Blaine's moment when they were in the battle rounds, and lets be clear, I'm a little creeped out by Blaine so I'm not exactly rooting for him, although I thought he was pretty good in the knockouts.
DeleteBLAINE! That’s who beat The Twins. I take it back. TheTwins should have won. I dislike Blaine even more than Barrett.
DeleteDON’T GO BLIND, JOE!
I know Darius killed it, but when I heard he was singing On Broadway, I felt immediately tired. THIS IS 2015.
ReplyDeleteGina T., I will gladly pick your bonus picks!!! But they'll probably all be out immediately based on my instincts.
Right now I'm loving Madi and Korin and I like how passionate my Morgan is. She wants this so bad!