The Week One Live Massacree!!

“Everybody’s singing with their hand on their heart

About deeds done in the darkest hours

It’s just the sort of catchy little melody

To get you singing in the showers”

                --Elvis Costello

My God friends, it was a BLOODBATH!  Start with twenty singers, stir in four more and then BAM cut the group in half.  There were shakeups and shakeouts in the standings and rosters and it was proven once again just how hard TSAVFL Bonus Picks are to get right. 

This week was week one of a two week Pat & Deb Voice road show!  We were the grateful guests of Ed and Gina M. this week and next week will be watching with my fellow eliminated team captain Tim.  Ed and Gina now know and Tim will soon just how anticlimactic it is to have me as an audience member.  We felt bad because Ed & Gina had watched both Monday and Tuesday’s show where Deb & I had not so they had to sit through it again.  A Clockwork Orange has got nothin’ on THAT.  My old laptop also ran out of juice before we got to Barrett and Mark at the end of Tuesday’s show and all of the results but I’m going a different way with this week’s recap anyway so it’s all cool.

The bringing back people was a stupid idea, especially when you see how many people were getting cut after the first live rounds – you know the coaches cut those folks for a reason last time and America was not voting them over the top three of five that had already made it.  But cruelty is part of The Voice fun plus Nadjah got recognized for being JOBBED so that part of it was funnish.  I agreed for the most part with the returnees and even would have ranked some of them above the existing team members but I would not have had any of them going forward, not even Nadjah unfortunately because all I could hear in my head as she was singing was Trump saying “very low energy, not very energetic at all” and then I felt a little sad.

Sometimes logic just comes easily while watching.  Viktor gets assigned All Around the World by Lisa Stanfield so it is easily proven that GWEN CANNOT PICK A FUCKING SONG!  My God.   However, Blake looked quite satisfied all night so that is an endorsement for Gwen.  Fortuna’s wheel spins on.

That reminds me.  A game for you!  Who said what:   Viktor should be -

a)      On a cruise ship

b)      At a charity event

c)       In Europe

Who will you miss the most?  I’ll miss Ellie and her creepy Gwen stalker vibe (and the triceratops tattoo on her arm, so odd); I will of course miss darling Ivonne but at least she got Homecoming Queen.  I’ll miss Darius as well, him getting cut while Mark goes through is a mystery to me and then, as always, Nadjah.

Why don’t we rank some things?  That’s always fun!  As ever my rankings are calculated by a super secret procedure that would take far too long to explain but all you need to know is that they are always correct.

Coaches’ teams ranked:

1)      Blake – Barrett Baber, Emily Ann Roberts and Zach Seabaugh. 

2)      Adam – Amy Vachal, Jordan Smith and Shelby Brown.  I might have made him number one but am confident as ever that Adam will find a way to fuck this up.

3)      Gwen – Jeffery Austin, Braiden F’ing Sunshine and Korin Bukowski. 

4)      Pharrell – Mark Hall, Evan McKeel and Madi Davis.  I think Braiden goes further than all of them.

Bonus picks ranked:

1)      Fluffy Bookworms (Gina T):  Barrett Baber, Braiden F’ing Sunshine and Blaine Mitchell.  Two strong candidates.

2)      Brother Pat (yay!):  Zach Seabaugh, Shelby Brown and Darius Scott.  I was surprised nobody else picked either Zach or Shelby.  

3)      (tie) I Wanna Win Like Jim (Deb):  Amy Vachal, Jordan Smith and Morgan Frazier.

(tie) Hummingbird Lightfoot and the Sorry not Sorry (Jim):  Amy Vachal, Madi Davis and Viktor Kiraly.  I can’t decide yet whether Madi or Jordan goes further.

4)      Supernatural Prep School Girls (Erin):  Amy Vachal, Korin Bukowski and Morgan Frazier.

5)      Cupcake Bounty Hunters (Gina M):  Amy Vachal, Ivonne Acero and Darius Scott.

6)      Doomsday Wedding Planners (Ed):  Mark Hall, Ivonne Acero and Riley Biederer.

7)      Frat Bro Hermits (Tim):  Viktor Kiraly, Riley Biederer and Regina Love.  Ouch.

And best of all, remaining singers ranked:

1)      Zach Seabaugh.  Man, dude was gyrating like Elvis.  Blake thinks he is a heartthrob and so do I.

2)      Amy Vachal.  Deb:  “I wish you were still on Pharrell’s team!”  The Way You Look Tonight is both Deb’s and Gina M’s favorite Sinatra song.  Mine is Fly Me to the Moon.  Ed’s is unknown.  I can’t shake a nagging feeling that she is an early “SHOCKING EXIT!” but rated her here despite that concern.

 

3)      Braiden Fucking Sunshine.  I hate myself.  By the way, I don’t believe Braiden was impressed for one second about HANGING AROUND WITH BLUES TRAVELER.

4)      Shelby Brown.  The 17 Year Old Alabama Spitfire!!  I didn’t need to hear You’re No Good again but she did it well, I thought her outfit was sort of horrible though and made her look a hard lived 30.

5)      Barrett Baber.  I think there has to be an eventual showdown between Barrett and Zach because they both aren’t going to the final, just not sure when it will happen.

6)      Madi Davis.  You could probably arrange 2-6 in any order; I kind of see them as all in the same group at this point.  I really want her to do well but I wasn’t that impressed with her performance of that Fleetwood Mac song, though to be fair judging by the comments around me I was the outlier there.  When I closed my eyes and listened I liked it better.  Have we seen her without the hat?

7)      Evan McKeel.  He may not be the tapioca you deserve, but he is the tapioca that is here.  They’ve been promoting him singing Overjoyed for five weeks now so I was sort of tired of the song before he even started.

8)      Jordan Smith.  The Inspiring Artist From Kentucky Who Is Singing Beyonce!!  Ed and I agreed that he did not warrant the four coach standing ovation.  I feel horrible for saying it but he creeps me out.  Someone told Ed that Jordan reminded them of Roger Ebert, which I loved.

9)      Jeffrey Austin.  He sang and we were all talking and frankly I don’t even remember the performance but gathered that it was Sam Smith.  Adam says he could win the whole thing, but the fact it is super easy to tune him out while he sings makes me think no, he cannot.  Not at all.

10)   Emily Ann Roberts.  Blake says she is creating her own genre.  I think Blake has taken some shots to the head because I’ve actually heard gospel ballads before.  Ed noticed that she is the only 17 year old on the show who actually seems 17, and I think that is a solid observation.

11)   Korin Bukowski.  Please NBC, let’s you and I make a deal that you will never have a contestant sing Sarah McLaughlin ever again because all I think of then is tortured and starving puppies and THAT ISN’T GREAT.  Partway through the song Deb and Gina in unison said:  “Give her a No Doubt song!”  That would be fun.

12)   Mark Hall.  I got nothin’.

As for TSAVFL, stop me if you’ve heard this before but Deb and Jim are gonna be duking it out.  Deb has FOUR people still left while Jim has three!  Gina M has two and Ed, Erin and Gina Turner each are down to one.  Tim is joining me on the sidelines to talk shit about all of you as we mutter vague threats about next year being different.  

So there we are!  I know you probably want to check out THE SCOREBOARD at some point and until next week,

Keep on TSAVFL’in,

Brother Pat

Bonus Picks Are In!!

I haven't watched this week yet, but I wanted to post with everyone's bonus picks in order to spark conversations of trash and jealousy.  Hey, it's what I do.   Lots of variety this year which I think speaks to the fact that there isn't the type of frontrunner we've seen in the past:

I Wanna Win Like Jim (Debbie):  Amy Vachal, Morgan Frazier and Jordan Smith.

Fluffy Bookworms (Gina T):  Barrett Baber, Blaine Mitchell and Braiden F'ing Sunshine.

Hummingbird Lightfoot & The Sorry Not Sorry (Jim):  Amy Vachal, Viktor Kiraly and Madi Davis.

Doomsday Wedding Planners (Ed):  Ivonne Acero, Mark Hood and Riley Biederer.

Cupcake Bounty Hunters (Gina M):  Amy Vachal, Ivonne Acero and Darius Scott.

Supernatural Prep School Girls (Erin):  Amy Vachal, Korin Bukowski and Morgan Frazier.

Frat Bro Hermits (Tim):  Regina Love, Viktor Kiraly and Riley Biederer.

Brother Pat's Traveling Salvation Show (Pat):  Darius Scott, Zach Seabaugh and Shelby Brown.

For those of you who like stats like this:
Amy Vachal -- 4 teams
Ivonne Acero -- 2 teams
Riley Biederer -- 2 teams
Morgan Frazier -- 2 teams
Viktor Kiraly -- 2 teams
Darius Scott -- 2 teams
Barrett Baber -- 1 team
Shelby Brown -- 1 team
Korin Bukowski -- 1 team
Madi Davis -- 1 team
Mark Hood -- 1 team
Regina Love -- 1 team
Blaine Mitchell -- 1 team
Zach Seabaugh -- 1 team
Jordan Smith -- 1 team
Braiden F'ing Sunshine -- 1 team

I'll get these into the scoreboard sometime this week.  Thanks for getting me your picks y'all!!

Knockouts End And There Is A Battle For Top Spot!

“It’s a fight to the finish let there be no doubt

As the seconds turn to minutes I can count you out”

                --Elvis Costello

I almost always end up rooting for someone in a battle or knockout round, don’t you?  Sometimes it is clear as glass, as when Siahna Im went up against Mark Hood and I was acting casual but thinking OH MY GOD SIAHNA PLEASE DO GOOD OH MAN SHE IS SINGING BACK TO BLACK I LOVE HER AND WANT HER TO WIN SO BAD; but then there are other matches like Tim Atlas and Evan McKeel where I had no idea who I wanted, (by the way if you ever feel completely undecided about something, flip a coin.  When the coin is in the air you will know which choice you prefer.  You’re welcome.) until Tim started singing Natalie Ambruglia which I didn’t think he could but then he did and YEAH I WANT TIM TO WIN but he didn’t.  Actually, I don’t know that I did that well with my rooting interests this week (seeing the standings I’m sure that surprises you, dear reader):

Wanted Shelby Brown over James Dupre.  1-0.

Wanted Siahna Im over Mark Hood.  1-1.

Wanted Kota Wade over Jeffrey Austin.  1-2.

Wanted Nadjah Nicole over Emily Ann Roberts.  1-3 and NADJAH GOT JOBBED SO BAD I CAN’T STAND IT BLAKE COULD NOT EVEN LOOK AT HER WHEN MAKING THE DECISION BECAUSE HE KNEW SHE WON THAT FUCKING BATTLE IN A WALK!!!  GODDAMNIT THE VOICE!

Wanted Tim Atlas over Evan McKeel.  1-4.  Shit.

OK, didn’t really have a pick between Regina Love and Riley Biederer and didn’t bother to flip a coin because I didn’t care THAT much.  So 1-4.  Yeah, this has been a good year for me.

Doesn’t Ann Wilson : rock singing equal Whitney Houston: pop singing?  I think this week was the first time I’ve heard a Heart song done in any kind of singing competition show and afterwards it was clear why.  That shit is hard.

So the battles have been battled and the knockouts have been tallied and we are to the live shows and what that means my TSAVFL friends is this:  BONUS PICK TIME!!!  Email me your three finalists by end Sunday, so you have a few days to ponder.  In the meantime, let’s see how our teams are doing, shall we?

WE HAVE A THREE WAY TIE FOR THE LEAD!!  Deb’s I Wanna Win Like Jim, Gina T’s Fluffy Bookworms and Jim’s Hummingbird Lightfoot & the Sorry Not Sorry all still have four members apiece and are locked at the top with 29 points each! 

Deb has:  Amy Vachal, Barrett Baber, Jeffery Austin and Korin Bukowski.

Gina T has:  Blaine Mitchell, Ivonne Acero, Regina Love and Shelby Brown (AND SHOULD HAVE NADJAH NICOLE, GODDAMNIT!)

Jim has:  Braiden F’ing Sunshine, Madi Davis, Viktor Kiraly and Zach Seabaugh.

Tough teams all three.  At this early stage I’ll give a slight edge to I Wanna Win Like Jim who seems like they should get at least two members a ways further with possibly three.  Hummingbird Lightfoot would be right behind, he also has two that look pretty certain to advance awhile but not sure there is a third there and Fluffy Bookworms to my eyes has one finalist but not sure who else is going far right now.

I wonder if Chris Crump actually threw up on stage or what.  Because there were some pretty blah knockouts but to have his be the only one not shown says something.

Behind the top three are the Gina M and Ed household, with Gina M’s Cupcake Bounty Hunters currently sitting fourth a few points ahead of Ed’s Doomsday Wedding Planners.  I see Gina’s three (Evan McKeel, Jordan Smith and Riley Biederer) outlasting Ed’s two (Keith Semple & Summer Schappell) as the live rounds progress.  Erin’s Supernatural Prep School Girls is behind them but I could see either her members (Emily Ann Roberts & Morgan Frazier) going very far or not going far at all and am not sure that I’ll be surprised either way. 

I love that Blake calls both men and women “buddy”.

And then just like last year, Tim’s Frat Bro Hermits (member: Darius Scott) and my own Brother Pat’s Traveling Salvation Show (deserted) sit at the bottom.  The leaders have 29 points each.  I have 4.  But Darius Scott is a possible finalist as well so Tim may be able to make some movement given prescient bonus picks.

IT IS A DONNYBROOK FOR THE TSAVFL TROPHY!!  Can’t wait to see how it develops!

SCOREBOARD HERE!

Never forget I love each and every one of you,

Brother Pat

Knockouts week 2 and a BONUS TKO!!!

“Thought I knew all the rules

Quite clearly I don’t have a clue”

                --Elvis Costello

Friends and members of TSAVFL, once again we have made HISTORY.  However, unlike many milestones that we cherish and celebrate, this might be even better because it is an ignominious feat that has been achieved and rather than celebrate we are able to mock and really, isn’t that at least just as fun?  Because FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, a team is completely eliminated BEFORE THE LIVE ROUNDS EVEN START!!    Yes, Brother Pat’s Traveling Salvation Show is down to exactly zero members after the (honestly) horrible decision to send hat wearing Dustin Christensen home instead of the Irish guy singing one of the WORST SONGS OF ALL TIME, I Want To Know What Love Is.  I was certain Dustin would go through because for me it was impossible to judge Keith Semple because every note of that song sucks so damn hard.  I’m sure he’ll follow it up in the live rounds with We Built This City.  Christ on a crutch.  I had always suspected that my win a couple seasons ago was a fluke, and now thanks to the past two years I am able to confirm that fact.  Anyway, I’m out and as such this will be the last recap because what is the point of life?

Kidding.  Y’all are stuck with me for awhile yet.  It was bad enough to lose Blind Joe (DON’T GO BLIND JOE!!!)  and it sucked to see Chance Pena up against Ivonne Acero because I JUST LOVE HER.  Deb felt bad after Dustin went home:  “Oh Pat!  Do you want anyone from my team?”  “Nah.”  “Are you sure?”

In the meantime Deb and Jim are battling it out for first though Deb still has two singers to go while Jim has just Zach Seabaugh whom I expect to go through.  Gina T is right there behind them and STILL HAS ALL HER SINGERS!!!  She still has FOUR to go though on Monday so it should be a nerve-wracking time for her.  Ed is next with one singer to go but Gina M is right behind him and she also has three more going Monday.  Tim isn’t far back and has two singers left to perform while Erin still has one to sing and will be passing me any time now.

Blianna or Rake.  Tough choice.  She’s been great hasn’t she?  I don’t know much of her music but she has always struck me as pretty genuine and that comes through in her coaching.

Amy Vachal should have went with Blake but her gut told her to pick Adam instead.  I’m not so sure about Amy Vachal’s gut.  I’m glad Madi won that battle because she was wonderful but I still am thinking that Amy is one to beat.  You guys, what do we do if Deb picks yet another winner???

By the way, there is absolutely no reason to trust any opinion I have this season but regardless I am calling this right now:  Jordan Smith is this years India Carney.  BOOK IT.

As you know, I liked Sawyer Fredericks.  I do not care much for Braiden Sunshine at all but my god Gwen is into him.  It’s almost like he is her personal Ken doll.    He looked like the most unsexy crooner EVER.  I felt bad for Ellie though, she knew right away he killed it and she looked and sounded defeated right from the start. 

Deb  on Viktor’s hair:  DUDE!  You are not in Wham!

We are convinced that there was a backstage deal in place to get Morgan Frazier back on Blake’s team.  CORRUPTION AT THE VOICE???  Does NBC = FIFA??  WAKE UP SHEEPLE!  There was no way Darius Scott was going to lose that one though, man he was good.

MONDAY THE KNOCKOUTS END!!  What does that mean to you?  It means that next week you need to get me your Bonus Picks for the finals!  It is my one chance to get more points and goddamnit I am GOING FOR IT.  Until then I will be huddled in the corner softly mourning my defeat.

GET YOUR SCOREBOARD RIGHT HERE!

With plenty of TSAVFL regrets,

Brother Pat

This week

Hi,

I should have watched last night but I did not.  Normally that would not be an issue because I would do it tonight and get a recap up by tomorrow noonish.  BUT!  Tonight that rave green bunch of superior soccer men Seattle Sounders FC go up against the hated LA Galaxy of Dickheads in a knockout game, so I will be there instead and doubt I'll catch up until tomorrow after work.

Sorry about that because Monday had a bit to talk about BESIDES me being down to one team member.  We will get there though!

Battles Week Two (WAY too late to need a spoiler warning!)

“Look at the men that you’d call uncle

Having a heart attack around your ankles”

                --Elvis Costello

Hi!  I apologize for the delay this week, my back went out on me Monday afternoon and though you would think that three days in bed would leave plenty of time for a comprehensive recap well, I agree in theory but in actuality that clearly was not the case.  I ended up watching Monday’s show without the lovely Deb and I have to say that my enjoyment of The Voice was hampered despite very high levels of self-medication. 

First things first – team names!  Ed will be able to accommodate those into the standings at the top of the scoreboard page so get ‘em in or I’ll make one up that is not likely to be your favorite.  So far I have names for myself and Jim.

I’M A BLIND JOE MAN!!  Loved it when Blake said “should I be callin’ you Blind Joe?”   YES YOU SHOULD!  Singing “Old Time Rock n Roll” was boring but Blind Joe’s little exclamations in between every line that Red White and Blaine sung were hilarious, though I grant you might not feel that way if you were on the other end.  Another debatable steal at best from Adam after the Blind Joe victory.

I was unironically THRILLED that No One Is To Blame by Howard Jones was chosen as a song because it remains one of the very best songs of the 80’s and I love it.  But part of the reason that the dumb steals piss me off is that they prevent anyone from stealing actually good singers.  Like Lyndsey Elm my sweet princess who totally won the Howard Jones battle with Braiden (I look like a creepy animatronic teddy bear) Sunshine yet still got dumped at the curb because Gwen picked that very moment to make a stupid stupid choice.  Even Jim would admit Braiden should fall into a cistern somewhere before he becomes a killing robot and takes out an innocent family rather than winning that battle.  I hate Gwen right now.  I WON’T FORGET YOU LYNDSEY.

Jim and I matched up again in the Andi/Alex and Chance Pena battle of some Lady Antebellum song I don’t know or remember.  NBC was once again caring enough to spare me any kind of suspense by clearly letting us know neither party was going anywhere beforehand (WHY DO YOU KEEP DOING THIS???) so the only thing I had to wonder about was whether I would have one point or two.  I think Chance has a much better voice than I’d realized before plus has that whole old crooner vibe going without the burden of only being able to croon.  The twins win the battle but in the long run I believe that Blake is going to appreciate his second Chance.

Someone has to be feeding Blake bald lines.  There is no way he has seen or heard of Powder and I’m doubtful he knows anything about Blue Man Group except the name. 

Carson was back in form with the six-to-eight syllable intro for each singer, I think the best was during Pharrell’s battle between Evan McKeel (The Virginia Rocker With Church Roots!) and Riley Biederer (The Ex-Gymnast Turned Pop Singer!).  This was also a one team battle with Gina M going up against Gina M.  Another good but overdone so ends up ho-hum battle song we’ve heard too often (Higher Ground) but it was sort of sweet how they each wanted to be more like the other.  The reasons for Riley being an ex-gymnast were pretty clear too since she grew up to be about Evan’s height and size.  You can’t be a tall gymnast, not a good one anyway.  Anyway, Gwen stole Riley which was stupid but I guess you need a fallback to put your best people against in a knockout.

There were a couple other TSAVFL team vs TSAVFL team battles:  Deb had Amy Vachar go against Jubal and Amanda.  You know my feelings on the proposal but Amanda was clearly thrilled about it so I’m an asshole for pooh-poohing their love and OK with that.  That battle resulted in Deb’s only loss in the battles, she was 5-1 which was good for 10 points and a share of the early lead.  On the opposite extreme we had Erin v Erin with Emily Ann Roberts against Morgan Frazier.  I called that battle for Morgan both pre- and post-song so of course Emily Ann won.  For once I was glad to see a steal because I liked Morgan and also because this was the only battle where Erin got any points and it would have sucked so bad to see her down to just one singer after the first round.

Adam during the Viktor Kiraly/Cassandra Robertson battle:  “there is no difference between a one-chair turn and a four-chair turn”

Blake:  Yeah, keep on thinking that.

So!  We are through the first round and there is a tie at the top:  Jim and Deb with 10 points, both of them 5-1 with all wins.  But, Gina T had what may be a first, ALL SIX OF HER TEAM MADE IT THROUGH, putting her right behind with 9 points.  Ed and Gina M both ended up 4-2 with 8 and 7 points respectively.  Tim and I follow at 3-3, worth 5 points for Tim and 4 for me with a win and two steals.  Erin is at my heels with the 3 points from her last battle.

SCOREBOARD IS HERE!!

Next week – the knockouts begin!  Time to start nailing down your bonus picks!!  We’ll be way more prompt with the recap too.  Until then,

Keep TSAVFL’in’,

Brother Pat

The Battles Have Begun! (Yes There Are Spoilers But C'mon Man, It's Been Three Days Already)

“Sheep to the slaughter

Oh I thought this must be love”

                --Elvis Costello

Friends of TSAVFL, we have so many new features this year but I want to start off with the newest, Ed’s magnificent scoreboard/roster page which you can get to by clicking right HERE! (but don’t do it yet if you haven’t watched!).  When you submit your team names we’ll get those up there, and in the meantime a big thank you to Ed for his work.

Other than Adam being bald, references to “a Blake latte’” in a context that was disturbingly close to meaning his orgasms, goo-goo eyes with he and Gwen and a fresh set of mentors that we will get to soon everything was familiar and comforting for a new season. 

Last year all my people went in the first week, this year Brother Pat’s Traveling Show had the fewest go with just two.  The biggest battle was the one that was the easiest to watch with Deb and I going head to head in a contest that NBC had considerately already told us we would both be safe in:  Dustin Christensen and Barrett Baber (as always my friends, any details I get wrong such as names, etc., are simply because I do not care enough to double check and are entirely my fault).  This was a Blake battle with his coach Brad Paisley, who looked exactly how I would have imagined Brad Paisley to look.  In rehearsal Dustin took his hat off and instantly I thought he should put it back on.  They talked about Barrett’s diction and I realized that he is Boomhauer.  It was a solid performance of a solid if oversung song and Debbie knew she was going to win it all along because in her words, “Barrett is Blake’s guy.”  As long as he doesn’t give him a latte’.  Dustin loses but is stolen and goes to Adam’s team which is just what I need.  Later on Deb beat me AGAIN as Noah Jackson left us in a battle with Jeffrey Austin that did not rate a full segment.  It irritates me that we get battles that aren’t seen. 

Basically, everything that always irritates me about The Voice continues to.

Gina M (I assume nobody wants these to come up when your name is googled so I will keep these on a first name basis) also had just two of her team go this week but won both contests.  Man, Gina M and Ed always seem to get off to fast starts.  It was GM versus GT in the very first battle between Jordan Smith and Regina Love.  Sometimes there are battles where you really wonder who will win.  This was not one of those, despite the shrillness of Jordan’s voice in the rehearsals.  Note to NBC:  why are you showing Jordan in side profile so much?  That is mean.  Regina did fine and it was clear she wasn’t going to win but Gwen made a stupid steal of her anyway, I’m guessing because – hell, I can’t even guess.  It was just dumb but that gave Gina T a point so yay for that! 

Poor Erin got the most horrible start of us all, going 0 for 3 in the first week.  What is even worse is that two of those were the quick recaps so one break she’s feeling pretty good and then WHAMMO!  In two minutes her entire outlook changed as Alex Kandel was beaten by Gina M’s blue hair Koda Wade and her first rounder Sydney Rhame lost to Madi Davis of team Jim.  Ouch.  Erin, you should take comfort in the fact that NOBODY in TSAVFL history has ever lost ALL of their people in the first round *looks at Erin’s remaining roster*.  Hmmm, always a first time I guess.  L

Pharrell’s pants had a gigantic Adidas logo on the ass.  Think on that.

Team Tim had four people go and went 2-2, one victory due to another stupid steal, this time from Pharrell, and the other win coming despite Adam doing Adam stuff.  In the auditions you may remember JUST HOW BADLY he wanted to get a country singer on his team.  HE NEEDS IT.  So, he finally got one in James Dupre’ so what does he do first thing?  GIVES HIM A SONG IN A GENRE HE IS NOT COMFORTABLE WITH AGAINST A GUY WHO IS.  Never change, dude.  He actually said “I guess James isn’t comfortable but that’s what you gotta do”.  Really?  Adam, one small piece of advice – country singers who want to be on The Voice ACTUALLY WATCH THE GODDAMN SHOW AND SEE WHAT YOU DO.  This is why they do not want you for a coach.  Blake is NEVER going to make someone sing a totally different style IN A BATTLE ROUND.  As a matter of fact, the one time that Blake did have one of his people try a different genre, he made sure it was a song that worked for his voice without having to change anything up.  At least he was smart and picked him in the end (for poor Erin’s third loss), but I will bet you five dollars right now that Adam will keep him off balance for as long as he is on the show.  Dustin cries at the end in a successful bid to get hugs from the coaches but none of them want him. 

Adam quote of the week after John Fogarty crazily rambled (I liked him in the end but truth must be told) about writing Fortunate Son:  “Well, that’s just the best story ever.”  He did not look like he really thought that the case.

Dr. T is 3-0!!  Not having the first pick is good for her it appears!  In addition to Jordan moving on she got the matchup of Adorable Young Girls That Pat Just Loves Already with Siahna Im against cantaloupe girl Ivonne Acero.  I wanted them both in the draft and thought hard about Siahna as my first round pick until figuring I might be able to pick her up in the second.  I will hear nothing bad about either of them, they are cute and darling and I want to protect them from the hardships of life.  I was very surprised that Ivonne did not pick Gwen as her coach until my lovely wife pointed out that it is possible a rural 17 year old girl just might be a little intimidated by Gwen.  That makes sense, I thought Gwen would be perfect for her but mainly I’m just very happy she is still around.  Deb found Ivonne very relatable.

Deb is also three for three!  In addition to her wins against me she also was featured in the matchup of Chris Crump against Ed’s first rounder Krista Hughes singing a Brad Paisley/Dolly Parton duet about his dead aunt.  CHEERFUL!  I’ll say though I don’t ever think I’ve seen a mentor so involved in this show that they actually rewrote a part of the song in order to showcase one of the voices, I thought that was really cool.  I thought it was a fine battle despite being a little distracted by whatever kind of western go-go girl outfit Krista had with the fringe skirt and cowboy boots, but in the end I agreed with the judges that Chris won and surprisingly Krista goes home to Coal City, WV.  HOPE YOU ENJOYED THE BIG CITY!

Team Jim went 2 of 3 with the best win in my opinion being the one where Zach Seabaugh beat Outlaw Kid And Crybaby Tyler Dickerson to death with Travis Tritt and all I can say is THANK GOD.  Tyler creeped me out.   Despite it seeming obvious that Zach won there was enough dithering by Blake that Deb finally blurted out “Blake you have to pick Zach he is too beautiful to let go!”  Luckily Blake agreed.

And finally, Team Ed had a busy week, tied with Tim with FOUR of his singers going and racking up a nice 3-1 start.  I like Ellie Lawrence even though I’m not usually down with blue-green hair.  I like her voice, I liked her outfits and I liked how enthusiastic she was about everything.  As an introvert I’m drawn towards folks like that, also one of the million reasons my wife is ever enchanting to me.  I will say though that I’m concerned with her attachment to Gwen.  It could get ugly if Gwen ultimately rejects her.  I didn’t think that much of Mark Hood during the auditions but liked him quite a bit in his battle against Team Jim’s Celeste Betton.  He might grow old quickly though, for instance when he hugged Celeste after the song was over and then turned her back towards the camera so he could look directly at it.  He also got a solid win with Irish Keith Semple over Meathead Manny Cabo.  I don’t know how many classic rock songs I’m eager to hear anymore but I can say that Baba O’Riley might not be one of them because I just couldn’t care.  The best part about that battle was my wife who had her quote of the week.  You may or may not know but Deb was adopted and so for her birthday we got her DNA tested and it turns out she is 33% Irish.  So when she saw the rehearsals with Keith she said:  “I like that Irish guy and it has nothing to do with my newfound roots.  Maybe a little.”  It’s fun to watch with Deb.

And that wraps up week one.  Glad to be back!

I’M A BLIND JOE MAN!!!,

--Brother Pat