My Best Laid Plans Go Pear Shaped Yet Again

"I could give you everything but time"
                          --Elvis Costello


I did have notes.  Really.  They weren't great because I was not thrilled with the finale whether we go with the people who made it there or the performances that they did, but I did have notes.

We also had a scoreboard website that due to tragic and unforeseen circumstances no longer exists, thankfully Ed pulled a screenshot before it catapulted into oblivion but that leads us to the next issue.

Last minute sales meetings and holiday trip preparations.  "Well", I thought to myself, "I'm sure I can bang it out on Wednesday morning before meetings start".  Nope.  "For sure do it Thursday".  Nope. "I will do it Friday before we leave for the rest of the year".  Not really.

BUT, my TSAVFL friends (and never forget that I love each and every one of you), we do have a champion in the lovely Deb!!  We have congratulations to Gina M for finally breaking Deb's streak of picking the winner, and we have congratulations to all of you just for being part of this special group.

When we return I will figure out the final scores because that sort of thing matters to me.  This blogsite will stay active in between seasons because of a project I am going to start, so pop by every once in a while before next season starts, it may be interesting, it may not.  2016 will doubtless provide us with many surprises.  The upcoming breakup of Gwen and Blake (which Deb did call right away and is already playing out with rumors of arguments) will not be one of them.

Wishing you all a Merry Christmas/Happy Holiday/Happy New Year!

Yours in The Voice agony,
Brother Pat

I HATE THE VOICE AND I'M NOT TOO THRILLED ABOUT AMERICA RIGHT NOW EITHER

"Well I used to be disgusted
But now I try and be amused"
                    --Elvis Costello

Not working.  No amusement, just disgusted.  I can't discuss it yet.

Deb is going to win just like Jim this year though.  Well, not like Jim THIS year but like Jim last year and so next year I might just name my team I Wanna Win Like Deb Except I Hate The Fucking Voice SO MUCH.

The Annual Unbearable Voice Episode

“You’re not my particular poison

I’ve got nothing against you myself”

                --Elvis Costello

It feels like every year there is an episode that just bugs the shit out of me.  The first hour was just annoyance after annoyance and a few times I just sat back and scowled at the TV because I had nothing I could say.  This was an episode with very little chatter between Deb and I, matter of fact we both ended up browsing our various devices during many of the songs.  Usually I enjoy it when the songs get longer, this year it just makes them interminable. 

But I wanted to get my thoughts and rankings down BEFORE the massacre that is gonna happen tonight, and not a second too soon for my taste although the way this season has gone I fully expect the favorites I have left to get the boot.

So Gwen sings of the pain of losing love and Blake sings of the newly restored ability to hit on women at the bar.  I really think these crazy kids just might make it!  Speaking of Gwen, while Deb saw Pocohontas I just kept expecting her to cross her arms and blink like Barbara Eden.

Zach, Jeffery and Braiden F’ing Sunshine all joshing with each other before a break to commercial looked like the most awkward frat party ever.  Anyways, on to the songs!

I don’t remember ever seeing Madi Davis’ café’ set before on the show.  It was my first bright spot of the evening and as she sang Big Girls Don’t Cry flawlessly it struck me that I really want Madi Davis to win this.  Sorry about that Madi, you are now likely doomed.

Not to be outdone, NBC gave Jordan Smith an entire damn choir!  As you know, I have mixed feelings about Jordan and my hackles are up about how much the show has pimped him this year, but have to say that I loved the big finish which was probably one of my favorite moments all season.  Deb noted that she was glad that he actually seemed to enjoy singing that song and shit, if you can pull off a Freddie Mercury song you SHOULD enjoy singing it.  But as soon as it was done he was back to reminding me of Carrie just before the bucket of blood comes down. 

When Deb saw the song that Amy Vachal was singing she actually gasped.   I thought it was very pretty but it’s always a balancing act between doing what got you there and trying to show range and while I liked it a lot all of a sudden rather than an intriguing chanteuse she became a singer/songwriter type.  That is four songs in a row that we've (well, Deb) downloaded.  Afterwards I think Pharrell said that Amy could stop ISIS but again, I seldom understand what Pharrell is saying.

It was downhill from there for me.  It is actually going to piss me off if one of the women don’t win this year (and they won’t because Jordan will) because the women are as a whole IMMENSELY better than the men.  It is bullshit. 

Jeffery sang Believe by Cher because of course he did.  I so wanted him to come out wearing a big feathered headpiece.  As you’d imagine it was a delicate and understated performance.

My wife will hear nothing bad about Emily Ann (she thinks it refreshing to see a young girl on this show that does not appear to be wracked with angst of some kind or another) but 9 to 5 is a terrible song choice for a 15 year old girl and that performance was straight off a cruise ship, background dancers included.   It is funny that she clearly has a crush on Zach though.

Speaking of Zach, I hadn’t noticed before that he inhales loudly when he sings, probably because I’m usually just rolling my eyes or laughing at his gyrations. 

Oh Shelby.  Even God Must Get The Blues.  Sigh.  Probably because He has to KEEP TAKING THE GODDAMN WHEEL.    Halfway through I realized it didn’t matter how she sung it because I was so fucking irritated by the song that I was just tuning it out.   This was when I first realized that The Voice had it in for me this week.  C’mon man.

That was right on the heels of whatever Barrett Baber did this week.  His weird enunciation breaks and constipated emphases made me think that he thought he was singing much better than I thought he was.  Also, at this point in the season I don’t need the plane crash story again.  I know what you’ve overcome and I’ve already decided (mostly) what I think of you.  It is counterproductive to tell me again.

And then we had Braiden F’ing Sunshine singing Amazing Grace.  Of course.  I hate you, The Voice.

What do you think?  Tonight we will find out who gets the top 5 bonus picks even though it might be four but we know they’ll find a way to bring someone back because NBC.  My call:  Jordan, Jeffery, Madi and either Amy or Emily Ann for the last spot.

TSAVFL is gettin’ me down,

Brother Pat

The Calm Before The Storm

“In this perpetual nightclub

I’ll be yours eternal

Though the hours are long

And the noise infernal”

                --Elvis Costello

I’ve been divorced twice, once on the divorcing side and once on the being divorced from side.  Both ways suck.  In addition to the legal and emotional ramifications that come with any serious breakup you deal with an overwhelming feeling of failure in not being able to succeed in what is a bulwark of adulthood and stability in our society.  It is a baseball bat to the temple of your self-esteem.  It is true that you come through it (as we do with most life crises) a wiser and hopefully better person than you were before, but that is an end result that is hard to visualize when you are in the middle of the process. 

That said, the soap opera that is Gwen this season was at its zenith this week.  It isn’t just the attempts to turn Korin into a weird automaton of herself or the new single she sang called I Used to Love You or the 1994 Gavin haircut she had Braiden F’ing Sunshine get or the creepy way she was looking at him and mouthing the words “I’m radioactive, radioactive” while he sung or the either Botox or lip injection work she’s had though it is a little bit of all those things.  Surprisingly, the rebound with Blake seems the most normal thing about it.  Anyway my point is yes, it is a horrible time in one’s life, and I’m positive I must have been a sad sack pain in the ass to the people around me when I was going through mine, but at least I am a loner and wasn’t on nationwide TV and so I sympathize with her but am also rolling my eyes just a little bit.

We haven’t looked at the bonus picks for a few weeks!  As has been the other theme of this season to TSAVFL, Jim and Deb are running away with this as well.  By the way, if you google TSAVFL the first result is the old post ripping NBC for screwing up our draft last year which made me chuckle for some reason.  Anyway, the updated rankings:

1)      Hummingbird Lightfoot and the Sorry not Sorry (Jim) (tie for 3 last time): Amy Vachal, Madi Davis and Viktor Kiraly. 

2)      I Wanna Win Like Jim (Deb) (tie for 3 last time): Amy Vachal, Jordan Smith and Morgan Frazier.

3)      Brother Pat’s Traveling Salvation Show (2 last time):  Zach Seabaugh, Shelby Brown and Darius Scott.

4)      Fluffy Bookworms (Gina T) (1 last time):  Barrett Baber, Braiden F’ing Sunshine and Blaine Mitchell.

5)      (tie) Supernatural Prep School Girls (Erin) (4 last time):  Amy Vachal, Korin Bukowski  and Morgan Frazier.

(tie) Cupcake Bounty Hunters (Gina M) (5 last time):  Amy Vachal, Ivonne Acero and Darius Scott.

6)      (tie) Doomsday Wedding Planners (Ed) (6 last time):  Mark Hall, Ivonne Acero and Riley Biederer.

(tie) Frat Bro Hermits (Tim) (7 last time):  Viktor Kiraly, Riley Biederer and Regina Love.

How do you feel about the one singer leaving per week thing?  In theory I like it, in practice it seems a bit stagnant.  I think the Second Voice Massacree scheduled for next week though will be a pressure packed week of fun with all of the remaining singers nearing their breaking points.  It would truly make the Super Awesome category if we had a five way race for the TSAVFL lead as well, but that is for another season.  We do have Jim and Deb with equal numbers now though so at least THEY’LL be nervous.

Carson Daly going into a break:  One of them will be singing N’SYNC!!!

Me:  OOOOOH WHICH ONE?????????

Here’s how I saw this week:

Amy Vachal singing Bye Bye Bye from N’Sync who were her teenage idols which seems weird because Amy is one of the older contestants left but I was still in my late thirties when N’Sync were happening.  Sigh.  I didn’t know early on if she had the versatility and range to go very far, but she has a knack for both song choice and arrangement that combine to make her the most interesting singer on The Voice this year.  I made a snarky comment early in my notes about Adam saying “WE’RE winning”, but will give him credit because the tempo change he suggested really worked like a charm.  Deb:  OH MY GOD SHE IS SO GOOD!  I know Deb likes her not because she has downloaded her last three songs, but because she made me read the notes I had written after Amy’s segment was over.

Madi Davis sang Girls Just Want to Have Fun as a sad song and damned if it didn’t work.  She is the only singer Pharrell has left but she’s a good one and I think she will cruise to the finals.  She strikes me as quite serious for a 16 year old. 

I don’t remember the song Shelby Brown sung except that it was what she sang at her grandfather’s funeral.  I went to church semi-regularly until I was 17 or so, I didn't like it except for the stained glass windows that were always cool to look at and so I passed my time looking at the backdrop of fake stained glass while she sung and it was generally nice.  Deb agreed with Pharrell that it was her best song.  Adam made me laugh as he talked about how he is chipping away at her week after week to make her a rare and great singer.  Adam can be such a douche.  Deb liked his suit though, while I was wondering when wide ties had come back in fashion.  Thankfully I do not need to be aware of the current fashion in ties.

Barrett Baber threw some kind of hand signal before the commercial that I did not understand but I’m sure it was authentic.  He sang something by Conway Twitty and I noticed for the first time that he has a tattoo of the state of Arkansas on his forearm.  Now I don’t mean to denigrate where a person comes from because after all home is a state of mind, but I have to be honest and say that if you feel the need to tattoo the state of Arkansas on your forearm I’m going to assume that you have a relatively low bar to clear for satisfaction in your life.  I was clarifying this thought so didn’t pay much attention to the song though Deb thought it was sort of stalker-y.  I did think he was the best of the guys tonight.

Jeffery Austin sang Jealous by Labryinth and I don’t know either the song or the band.  All I know is that it seemed really long to me.  Debbie is a big believer in the science of Placetology, which is the study of what order singers go in and so was nervous about him going first.  As with most things I can’t bring myself to fully believe in this discipline but I will grant there may be something to it.  For some reason I often note the judges comments though they are always basicially the same:  Adam said he is good;  Blake loved it and said it might be the performance of the season, I can only assume because Gwen was miffed at him and he wanted to get some later; Pharrell told Jeffery that he is Jeffery and something else that I didn’t understand because I rarely understand what Pharrell says and Gwen said he looked fabulous.

Emily Ann Roberts got a guitar from Blake and a phone call from Wynonna Judd.  She was happier about the guitar.  Deb would love it if she won and also loves her sparkly dresses and her boots.  She sang I’ve Got the Picture by Patsy Cline.   It is hard not to compare her to Danielle Bradbury from a few seasons ago but I like Emily Ann far more and I think it has to be because she has so much personality than Danielle did.

Korin Bukowski backed away from the identical Gwen twin thing (must have been bad feedback on that) and sang a song by Selena Gomez which interested me because I had never heard a Selena Gomez song before and was pleased to find that I enjoyed the song quite a bit and thought it was her best to date – granted, that means middle of the pack because she isn’t at the point where she can fully commit to her performance yet.  I hoped it was good enough to get her through another week and unfortunately it wasn’t but still, Korin, you went out on a high note and looking better as yourself than as Gwen.  Godspeed.

One of the things I hate most about reality singing competitions is that it has caused me to absolutely loathe the song Hallelujah.  So I’ve made a decision as a recapper that I am recusing myself from ever typing anything about a performance of Hallelujah ever again.  So I will say that Jordan Smith sang a song and that comments were made about it.

I’ve already mentioned Braiden F’ing Sunshine briefly and don’t have too much more to say about him except to note that he was out of breath by the end of the song and that for the first time Deb said “I’m ready for him to go.”  Adam respects his balls which is a nice way to say he didn’t like it.  Blake said he is a 1980’s throwback because Gwen likes that.  Gwen calls out the Gavin Rossdale haircut and says YOU WERE SO PUNK!!! and that everybody loves him.  Not everybody, Gwen.

Maybe it’s just me but have to say that the Kennesaw Mountain High School football team didn’t look all that fearsome.  Zach Seabaugh sang Crazy Little Thing Called Love.  He turned into a lounge singer SO QUICKLY.  I thought it was like a high school talent show honorable mention performance.  We had a conversation during this:

Deb:  What did you just type?

Me:  I thought it was awful.

Deb:  Because IT IS HORRIBLE!!!

Adam told the crowd to shut up and then didn’t say anything afterwards.  Blake sells to the end and says he’s never heard screaming so loud but then looks at Gwen and winks.  Almost never that is, heh heh. 

So we’re down to nine singers, six of whom belong to Deb and Jim.  I Wanna Win Like Jim has opened up 59 to 53 point lead over Hummingbird Lightfoot and the Sorry Not Sorry, with Gina T’s Fluffy Bookworms taking a firmer grip on third place over Gina M’s Cupcake Bounty Hunters, 37 points to 33 and the rest of us looking up from there.  I will note once again that Brother Pat has a total of 4 points as we head into the final stretch, which is a TSAVFL record breaking poor performance.

CHECK OUT THE SCOREBOARD HERE!

Buckle up for next week!

Brother Pat

The Post Where We Free Associate The Voice

“Don’t put your heart out on your sleeve

When your remarks are off the cuff”

                --Elvis Costello

Looking over my notes for Thanksgiving week I realize I’ve forgotten the context, so in my ongoing effort to share the TSAVFL recap process I am basically just going to put down my notes pretty much verbatim as the show went along.  This could be a big mistake.  I will follow up tonight or tomorrow morning with a recap for this week, plus rankings, standings and all that good stuff.  So!  Thanksgiving week on the fly starts right now:

Thanksgiving week!!!

Deb:  Oh, Shelby Brown is going first!

She brings her dad.  Why?? He’s a cop in a one street town, it can’t be THAT much of a hardship.  I don’t know the song but it sounds sassy.  Three men gonna serve in my life, Daddy, Alabama and Jesus Christ?  Oh my.  Alabama isn't even a man!  My feeling about the song aside I liked her again though it wasn’t perfect by a stretch.

So Pharrell got in a fight?  I can’t imagine him throwing an effective punch but I guess if he is the one wearing the sunglasses I could be right.

Holy crap I just saw Korin Bukowski walking backstage and thought it was Gwen.  I am pretty high tonight.

Oh I thought it was a commercial but it is Evan McKeel and Pharrell has the glasses on even during the rehearsal.  This is hilarious.  I don’t think he sounds very good in the first solo part and I don’t much like silhouetted dancers.  Man, we hated that.  He was as blah as water-flavored pudding.

Barrett Baber has his wife with him.  Delta Dawn by Tanya Tucker.  Wasn’t it Helen Reddy first?  I couldn’t tell if I liked his wife or not.  My buddy Doc used to sing Delta Dawn at karaoke at that bar I can’t think of the name of right now.  Debbie was indignently not impressed, I didn’t care enough to care that much.  Really thought Barrett was going to be good but instead I’m tired of him already and you know he’s gonna be around awhile.

Adam has watched Storage Wars.  That may be the first thing we’ve found in common.

Deb:  Man, Gwen sure has made Korin in her image.  That’s a little single white female-y for me.  She has her dad with her.  She is singing a Mandy Moore song and is excited about it.  This whole thing is odd.  Her dad seemed sad to me.  I think Korin has gone as far as she should and she did good!  But man her insecurity is uncomfortable.

Amy is up next.  She brought her dad and he KNOWS he looks like Walter White!  She is singing Blank Space and Deb said THAT’S A GREAT IDEA!!  Who doesn’t like a chanteuse?  She is on top of her game tonight, that was up there with the best things I’ve seen this year.

Pharrell wrote a Paris song.  That was nice of him.  NBC wrote a Paris hashtag.  Eh.  Anyway, I don’t think he sings live very well.

Deb likes Zach’s sisters.  Are we gonna kiss or something like that.  He has his mom with him.  She didn’t like the grind.  Blake is gonna make this kid a heartthrob/winner.  He wants to sex your daughters up, America, but wholesomely.  He’s at least partly in this for the teen girls which is awesome because I have him in my bonus picks and there are few things more determined than a horny 17 year old boy.

I think these VW commercials are really more about kidnapping than car selling.

Passionate side of Team Pharrell and Madi Davis and Wendy Walker-Davis.  She is singing a U2 song that I don’t know.  Love is Blindness.  Boy that was dramatic.  I didn’t love it but that might be me more than her?  Overly dramatic and kind of weird.

Braiden fing Sunshine and he truly odd looking dad that looks like Mark Davis.  True by Spandau Ballet.  Huh.  Did you like that song?  I was just OK with it.  That was a good long note he hit towards the end.  Some of the other notes weren’t as good.  Again, performance he has straightish hair and no glasses.  HE’S A FAKE!

Jordan Smith pretends to be embarrassed by mom’s stories but he wasn’t.  He’s singing Jessie J, I’ve heard of Jessie J but I haven’t heard anything Jessie J has sung.  Well now I have but you know what I mean….he’s his usual excellent self but it’s always so earnest that my mind wanders.  Oh, and he cries at the end.  I feel bad after the song because my mind wandered and clearly it moved most of the audience as well as my wife and I just sat there waiting for the next segment.  I’m a bad recapper.

Deb:  Jeffery Austin got the pimp spot.  Hmmmmm.

Emily Ann Roberts brought her dad Tommy.  Singing a Judds song.  Why not me.  I wonder if Russell Wilson knows that one.  She hasn’t gotten less adorable since last week.

Jeffery Austin is up and brought his mom.  Singing a song by Robyn that I don’t know.  He is very sincere as well.  Gwen cried.  I don’t get him but acknowledge that he sings well.

Yours in straight mainlined TSAVFL,

Brother Pat

So Anyways, About Last Week.....

As you may have noticed, I kind of went off the grid last week.  I originally thought I could knock out a quick thing this morning but it is the week after Black Friday which for those of us in the retail/wholesale world means that there is a lot to do so that's out.

I will have a double recap this week and even promise to have it done on time!  Talk to you soon.....

Yours in turkey sandwiches,

Brother Pat

Second Live Rounds Sink Wedding Planners

“But tiny children in grown-up clothes whispered all the Crimes of Paris”

                --Elvis Costello

I wasn’t in that much of a mood for The Voice this week, and I really wasn’t in a mood for ballads which is no big thing unless you are actually trying to keep track of things and half the songs are ballad-y.  After cutting what seems like 24 people last week we only lost one this time so there was little shifting around in the standings, though we pour one out for Ed and his Doomsday Wedding Planners who lost his last singer AND his last bonus pick, so he will end up with 20 points and at least ahead of Tim and myself.  By the way I notice that the numbers are formatting weird, I'll have to try and figure that out at some point.

Super late in doing this because I got busy at work yesterday so let’s jump straight to this weeks rankings:

1)      Madi Davis (6 last week).  She didn’t have her hat (!!) though I guess a bun can be sort of the same thing when you come right down to it.  I know that it gets some grief because of being played a metric fuckton when it came out but I always liked Who Will Save Your Soul and I LOVED her phrasing on it.  I figure that however much you liked Rickie Lee Jones will guide how much you like Madi.  I like Rickie Lee Jones.  I really like Madi Davis.  One of two songs I’d be willing to download this week.

2)      Jordan Smith (8 last week).  I can’t put my finger on what makes me uncomfortable about him but it has at least a little bit to do with how pure he comes off as a person.  It can be awkward to be around someone who is willing to put their fragility on their sleeve, there is a bravery about that as well as a kind of sadness and really this sentence is just telling me that I still can’t put my finger on it.  But he did the gospel song and it was just lovely.  And he is apparently getting the downloads so maybe he is more of a force to be reckoned with than I thought earlier.

3)      Amy Vachal (2 last week).   Over the past four or five months I’ve gotten away from my ipod and have been mostly streaming my music.  As a result I subscribed to Pandora and have been building out four or five stations to choose from based on my mood.  One of them focuses on rap and one of the pleasant surprises of that channel has been that I like Drake quite a bit, and actually know Hotline Bling.  I give Adam plenty of shit for song choice but that one worked so well.  She looks good in white doesn’t she?  I thought it was excellent and it is the other song from this past week that I’ll likely download.  By the way, did anyone else notice that her dad looked EXACTLY like Walter White?

4)      Shelby Brown (5 last week).  Deb pointed out about halfway through the show that the women were kicking the guys asses and I couldn’t agree more.  The women are much stronger than the men this season so it will be interesting to see how it shakes out given that winners have tended to be men.  Shelby had a moment in her presong segment which sparked an exchange:

Deb:  I don’t understand why she is so fragile?

Me:  She’s a fat seventeen year old girl.

Deb:  Fair point.

Anyway, I didn’t know the Jamey Johnson song and as mentioned wasn’t in the mood for a ballad anyway but I am glad she is in my bonus picks because she is quite good and I like rooting for her.

5)      Zach Seabaugh (1 last week).  I forgot all about Zach (though apparently Emily Ann’s friends haven’t).  He had a tough act to follow after Jordan and it showed when he hit a really weird note early while winking at someone in the audience (of course).  He has to be just a lunkhead, right?  I don’t mean that in a bad way, but more like he is a good looking Jughead.

6)      Emily Ann Roberts (10 last week).  All right you guys, this was my favorite segment of the night mainly because she was just adorable in her preview.  YEAH IT’S ABOUT DUMB BOYS.  Indeed.  Then she followed it up by hitting Zach with the “ALL MY FRIENDS ARE IN LOVE WITH YOU AND I’M SICK OF IT!”  Her performance wasn’t the best but it was perfectly fine and she sold it the best she could, besides, boys ARE dumb.  I also loved Gwen loving the song about the two-timing cheater.  TAKE THAT GAVIN.

7)      Jeffery Austin (9 last week).  Another ballad.  I asked Deb if this Let It Go was the one from Frozen and Deb just said “No Pat” and sort of chuckled.  I spent the rest of the song trying to think of what the Frozen song sounds like so I can’t comment on the performance except that partway through Deb said something about how badly his pants fit and I agree with that.

8)      Korin Bukowski (11 last week).  I thought it was weird that Gwen suggested dying her hair platinum and dressing up like Gwen was going to help Korin find herself.  I like her voice and I like her tone and style but let’s face it – this is only The Voice up until we get to the live rounds and then you have to have more than just a Voice, you have to be able to perform effectively and I don’t think Korin has those chops yet.  Does anyone else think that Blake is praising Gwen’s artists more than he usually would?

9)      Evan McKeel (7 last week).  Evan McKeel looks like the kind of guy who has digestive issues.  I forgot about Evan as well and then he said he was singing Kenny Loggins and I wished he’d stayed forgotten.  It sounded very much like Kenny Loggins singing This Is It so I guess it was good?  Maybe a bit more high-stepping here.  Gwen says WOW for the third time tonight.  I don’t really understand what Pharrell said.

10)   Braiden F’ing Sunshine (3 last week).  I don’t think I’ve heard Renegade by Styx since high school.  Between sometimes wearing the glasses and sometimes not and sometimes having the curly hair and sometimes not I just find myself far more invested in the things that irritate me than his singing, though it did seem he was having trouble keeping his breath through the entire lyric.  Adam is a fan, Blake wanted to drink with him, I didn’t understand what Pharrell said and Gwen just loves him.  Me?  I want to slap him.

11)   Mark Hood (12 last week).  I keep calling him Mark Hall.  I hated Against All Odds when it came out and haven’t changed my mind on it.  Deb likes the song but was still bored.  I was bored but I thought his black suit was on point and made the performance about 10% better just by itself.  He’s gone now and I’ll probably still call him Mark Hall if I remember him down the road.

12)   Barrett Baber (5 last week).  Carson excitedly said “Barrett Baber is putting a country spin on a rock ballad!!!”  Gee, that’s NEVER been done before.  My mind wandered and then it was over.

So we are down to 11 singers and Deb and Jim have 7 of them.  AAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHH!

Check out THE SCOREBOARD here!!!

With love,

Brother Pat

I Wanna Make Her Stay Up All Night

"Mommy had.  A little baby.
There she is.  Fast asleep.
She's just.  A little plaything.
Why not.  Wake her up?"
                 -- Talking Heads

BIG NEWS THERE IS A NEW ARRIVAL TO THE TSAVFL FAMILY!!!

Let Erin and her husband Steve introduce:

The adorable Mary Grace!

Luckily she won't be reading for awhile yet so I don't have to watch my typing mouth quite yet.

Congratulations Erin and Steve!  Be sure to always let her know that Adam is stupid.

(edited to remove pictures pending finalization of process....)

The Week One Live Massacree!!

“Everybody’s singing with their hand on their heart

About deeds done in the darkest hours

It’s just the sort of catchy little melody

To get you singing in the showers”

                --Elvis Costello

My God friends, it was a BLOODBATH!  Start with twenty singers, stir in four more and then BAM cut the group in half.  There were shakeups and shakeouts in the standings and rosters and it was proven once again just how hard TSAVFL Bonus Picks are to get right. 

This week was week one of a two week Pat & Deb Voice road show!  We were the grateful guests of Ed and Gina M. this week and next week will be watching with my fellow eliminated team captain Tim.  Ed and Gina now know and Tim will soon just how anticlimactic it is to have me as an audience member.  We felt bad because Ed & Gina had watched both Monday and Tuesday’s show where Deb & I had not so they had to sit through it again.  A Clockwork Orange has got nothin’ on THAT.  My old laptop also ran out of juice before we got to Barrett and Mark at the end of Tuesday’s show and all of the results but I’m going a different way with this week’s recap anyway so it’s all cool.

The bringing back people was a stupid idea, especially when you see how many people were getting cut after the first live rounds – you know the coaches cut those folks for a reason last time and America was not voting them over the top three of five that had already made it.  But cruelty is part of The Voice fun plus Nadjah got recognized for being JOBBED so that part of it was funnish.  I agreed for the most part with the returnees and even would have ranked some of them above the existing team members but I would not have had any of them going forward, not even Nadjah unfortunately because all I could hear in my head as she was singing was Trump saying “very low energy, not very energetic at all” and then I felt a little sad.

Sometimes logic just comes easily while watching.  Viktor gets assigned All Around the World by Lisa Stanfield so it is easily proven that GWEN CANNOT PICK A FUCKING SONG!  My God.   However, Blake looked quite satisfied all night so that is an endorsement for Gwen.  Fortuna’s wheel spins on.

That reminds me.  A game for you!  Who said what:   Viktor should be -

a)      On a cruise ship

b)      At a charity event

c)       In Europe

Who will you miss the most?  I’ll miss Ellie and her creepy Gwen stalker vibe (and the triceratops tattoo on her arm, so odd); I will of course miss darling Ivonne but at least she got Homecoming Queen.  I’ll miss Darius as well, him getting cut while Mark goes through is a mystery to me and then, as always, Nadjah.

Why don’t we rank some things?  That’s always fun!  As ever my rankings are calculated by a super secret procedure that would take far too long to explain but all you need to know is that they are always correct.

Coaches’ teams ranked:

1)      Blake – Barrett Baber, Emily Ann Roberts and Zach Seabaugh. 

2)      Adam – Amy Vachal, Jordan Smith and Shelby Brown.  I might have made him number one but am confident as ever that Adam will find a way to fuck this up.

3)      Gwen – Jeffery Austin, Braiden F’ing Sunshine and Korin Bukowski. 

4)      Pharrell – Mark Hall, Evan McKeel and Madi Davis.  I think Braiden goes further than all of them.

Bonus picks ranked:

1)      Fluffy Bookworms (Gina T):  Barrett Baber, Braiden F’ing Sunshine and Blaine Mitchell.  Two strong candidates.

2)      Brother Pat (yay!):  Zach Seabaugh, Shelby Brown and Darius Scott.  I was surprised nobody else picked either Zach or Shelby.  

3)      (tie) I Wanna Win Like Jim (Deb):  Amy Vachal, Jordan Smith and Morgan Frazier.

(tie) Hummingbird Lightfoot and the Sorry not Sorry (Jim):  Amy Vachal, Madi Davis and Viktor Kiraly.  I can’t decide yet whether Madi or Jordan goes further.

4)      Supernatural Prep School Girls (Erin):  Amy Vachal, Korin Bukowski and Morgan Frazier.

5)      Cupcake Bounty Hunters (Gina M):  Amy Vachal, Ivonne Acero and Darius Scott.

6)      Doomsday Wedding Planners (Ed):  Mark Hall, Ivonne Acero and Riley Biederer.

7)      Frat Bro Hermits (Tim):  Viktor Kiraly, Riley Biederer and Regina Love.  Ouch.

And best of all, remaining singers ranked:

1)      Zach Seabaugh.  Man, dude was gyrating like Elvis.  Blake thinks he is a heartthrob and so do I.

2)      Amy Vachal.  Deb:  “I wish you were still on Pharrell’s team!”  The Way You Look Tonight is both Deb’s and Gina M’s favorite Sinatra song.  Mine is Fly Me to the Moon.  Ed’s is unknown.  I can’t shake a nagging feeling that she is an early “SHOCKING EXIT!” but rated her here despite that concern.

 

3)      Braiden Fucking Sunshine.  I hate myself.  By the way, I don’t believe Braiden was impressed for one second about HANGING AROUND WITH BLUES TRAVELER.

4)      Shelby Brown.  The 17 Year Old Alabama Spitfire!!  I didn’t need to hear You’re No Good again but she did it well, I thought her outfit was sort of horrible though and made her look a hard lived 30.

5)      Barrett Baber.  I think there has to be an eventual showdown between Barrett and Zach because they both aren’t going to the final, just not sure when it will happen.

6)      Madi Davis.  You could probably arrange 2-6 in any order; I kind of see them as all in the same group at this point.  I really want her to do well but I wasn’t that impressed with her performance of that Fleetwood Mac song, though to be fair judging by the comments around me I was the outlier there.  When I closed my eyes and listened I liked it better.  Have we seen her without the hat?

7)      Evan McKeel.  He may not be the tapioca you deserve, but he is the tapioca that is here.  They’ve been promoting him singing Overjoyed for five weeks now so I was sort of tired of the song before he even started.

8)      Jordan Smith.  The Inspiring Artist From Kentucky Who Is Singing Beyonce!!  Ed and I agreed that he did not warrant the four coach standing ovation.  I feel horrible for saying it but he creeps me out.  Someone told Ed that Jordan reminded them of Roger Ebert, which I loved.

9)      Jeffrey Austin.  He sang and we were all talking and frankly I don’t even remember the performance but gathered that it was Sam Smith.  Adam says he could win the whole thing, but the fact it is super easy to tune him out while he sings makes me think no, he cannot.  Not at all.

10)   Emily Ann Roberts.  Blake says she is creating her own genre.  I think Blake has taken some shots to the head because I’ve actually heard gospel ballads before.  Ed noticed that she is the only 17 year old on the show who actually seems 17, and I think that is a solid observation.

11)   Korin Bukowski.  Please NBC, let’s you and I make a deal that you will never have a contestant sing Sarah McLaughlin ever again because all I think of then is tortured and starving puppies and THAT ISN’T GREAT.  Partway through the song Deb and Gina in unison said:  “Give her a No Doubt song!”  That would be fun.

12)   Mark Hall.  I got nothin’.

As for TSAVFL, stop me if you’ve heard this before but Deb and Jim are gonna be duking it out.  Deb has FOUR people still left while Jim has three!  Gina M has two and Ed, Erin and Gina Turner each are down to one.  Tim is joining me on the sidelines to talk shit about all of you as we mutter vague threats about next year being different.  

So there we are!  I know you probably want to check out THE SCOREBOARD at some point and until next week,

Keep on TSAVFL’in,

Brother Pat

Bonus Picks Are In!!

I haven't watched this week yet, but I wanted to post with everyone's bonus picks in order to spark conversations of trash and jealousy.  Hey, it's what I do.   Lots of variety this year which I think speaks to the fact that there isn't the type of frontrunner we've seen in the past:

I Wanna Win Like Jim (Debbie):  Amy Vachal, Morgan Frazier and Jordan Smith.

Fluffy Bookworms (Gina T):  Barrett Baber, Blaine Mitchell and Braiden F'ing Sunshine.

Hummingbird Lightfoot & The Sorry Not Sorry (Jim):  Amy Vachal, Viktor Kiraly and Madi Davis.

Doomsday Wedding Planners (Ed):  Ivonne Acero, Mark Hood and Riley Biederer.

Cupcake Bounty Hunters (Gina M):  Amy Vachal, Ivonne Acero and Darius Scott.

Supernatural Prep School Girls (Erin):  Amy Vachal, Korin Bukowski and Morgan Frazier.

Frat Bro Hermits (Tim):  Regina Love, Viktor Kiraly and Riley Biederer.

Brother Pat's Traveling Salvation Show (Pat):  Darius Scott, Zach Seabaugh and Shelby Brown.

For those of you who like stats like this:
Amy Vachal -- 4 teams
Ivonne Acero -- 2 teams
Riley Biederer -- 2 teams
Morgan Frazier -- 2 teams
Viktor Kiraly -- 2 teams
Darius Scott -- 2 teams
Barrett Baber -- 1 team
Shelby Brown -- 1 team
Korin Bukowski -- 1 team
Madi Davis -- 1 team
Mark Hood -- 1 team
Regina Love -- 1 team
Blaine Mitchell -- 1 team
Zach Seabaugh -- 1 team
Jordan Smith -- 1 team
Braiden F'ing Sunshine -- 1 team

I'll get these into the scoreboard sometime this week.  Thanks for getting me your picks y'all!!

Knockouts End And There Is A Battle For Top Spot!

“It’s a fight to the finish let there be no doubt

As the seconds turn to minutes I can count you out”

                --Elvis Costello

I almost always end up rooting for someone in a battle or knockout round, don’t you?  Sometimes it is clear as glass, as when Siahna Im went up against Mark Hood and I was acting casual but thinking OH MY GOD SIAHNA PLEASE DO GOOD OH MAN SHE IS SINGING BACK TO BLACK I LOVE HER AND WANT HER TO WIN SO BAD; but then there are other matches like Tim Atlas and Evan McKeel where I had no idea who I wanted, (by the way if you ever feel completely undecided about something, flip a coin.  When the coin is in the air you will know which choice you prefer.  You’re welcome.) until Tim started singing Natalie Ambruglia which I didn’t think he could but then he did and YEAH I WANT TIM TO WIN but he didn’t.  Actually, I don’t know that I did that well with my rooting interests this week (seeing the standings I’m sure that surprises you, dear reader):

Wanted Shelby Brown over James Dupre.  1-0.

Wanted Siahna Im over Mark Hood.  1-1.

Wanted Kota Wade over Jeffrey Austin.  1-2.

Wanted Nadjah Nicole over Emily Ann Roberts.  1-3 and NADJAH GOT JOBBED SO BAD I CAN’T STAND IT BLAKE COULD NOT EVEN LOOK AT HER WHEN MAKING THE DECISION BECAUSE HE KNEW SHE WON THAT FUCKING BATTLE IN A WALK!!!  GODDAMNIT THE VOICE!

Wanted Tim Atlas over Evan McKeel.  1-4.  Shit.

OK, didn’t really have a pick between Regina Love and Riley Biederer and didn’t bother to flip a coin because I didn’t care THAT much.  So 1-4.  Yeah, this has been a good year for me.

Doesn’t Ann Wilson : rock singing equal Whitney Houston: pop singing?  I think this week was the first time I’ve heard a Heart song done in any kind of singing competition show and afterwards it was clear why.  That shit is hard.

So the battles have been battled and the knockouts have been tallied and we are to the live shows and what that means my TSAVFL friends is this:  BONUS PICK TIME!!!  Email me your three finalists by end Sunday, so you have a few days to ponder.  In the meantime, let’s see how our teams are doing, shall we?

WE HAVE A THREE WAY TIE FOR THE LEAD!!  Deb’s I Wanna Win Like Jim, Gina T’s Fluffy Bookworms and Jim’s Hummingbird Lightfoot & the Sorry Not Sorry all still have four members apiece and are locked at the top with 29 points each! 

Deb has:  Amy Vachal, Barrett Baber, Jeffery Austin and Korin Bukowski.

Gina T has:  Blaine Mitchell, Ivonne Acero, Regina Love and Shelby Brown (AND SHOULD HAVE NADJAH NICOLE, GODDAMNIT!)

Jim has:  Braiden F’ing Sunshine, Madi Davis, Viktor Kiraly and Zach Seabaugh.

Tough teams all three.  At this early stage I’ll give a slight edge to I Wanna Win Like Jim who seems like they should get at least two members a ways further with possibly three.  Hummingbird Lightfoot would be right behind, he also has two that look pretty certain to advance awhile but not sure there is a third there and Fluffy Bookworms to my eyes has one finalist but not sure who else is going far right now.

I wonder if Chris Crump actually threw up on stage or what.  Because there were some pretty blah knockouts but to have his be the only one not shown says something.

Behind the top three are the Gina M and Ed household, with Gina M’s Cupcake Bounty Hunters currently sitting fourth a few points ahead of Ed’s Doomsday Wedding Planners.  I see Gina’s three (Evan McKeel, Jordan Smith and Riley Biederer) outlasting Ed’s two (Keith Semple & Summer Schappell) as the live rounds progress.  Erin’s Supernatural Prep School Girls is behind them but I could see either her members (Emily Ann Roberts & Morgan Frazier) going very far or not going far at all and am not sure that I’ll be surprised either way. 

I love that Blake calls both men and women “buddy”.

And then just like last year, Tim’s Frat Bro Hermits (member: Darius Scott) and my own Brother Pat’s Traveling Salvation Show (deserted) sit at the bottom.  The leaders have 29 points each.  I have 4.  But Darius Scott is a possible finalist as well so Tim may be able to make some movement given prescient bonus picks.

IT IS A DONNYBROOK FOR THE TSAVFL TROPHY!!  Can’t wait to see how it develops!

SCOREBOARD HERE!

Never forget I love each and every one of you,

Brother Pat

Knockouts week 2 and a BONUS TKO!!!

“Thought I knew all the rules

Quite clearly I don’t have a clue”

                --Elvis Costello

Friends and members of TSAVFL, once again we have made HISTORY.  However, unlike many milestones that we cherish and celebrate, this might be even better because it is an ignominious feat that has been achieved and rather than celebrate we are able to mock and really, isn’t that at least just as fun?  Because FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, a team is completely eliminated BEFORE THE LIVE ROUNDS EVEN START!!    Yes, Brother Pat’s Traveling Salvation Show is down to exactly zero members after the (honestly) horrible decision to send hat wearing Dustin Christensen home instead of the Irish guy singing one of the WORST SONGS OF ALL TIME, I Want To Know What Love Is.  I was certain Dustin would go through because for me it was impossible to judge Keith Semple because every note of that song sucks so damn hard.  I’m sure he’ll follow it up in the live rounds with We Built This City.  Christ on a crutch.  I had always suspected that my win a couple seasons ago was a fluke, and now thanks to the past two years I am able to confirm that fact.  Anyway, I’m out and as such this will be the last recap because what is the point of life?

Kidding.  Y’all are stuck with me for awhile yet.  It was bad enough to lose Blind Joe (DON’T GO BLIND JOE!!!)  and it sucked to see Chance Pena up against Ivonne Acero because I JUST LOVE HER.  Deb felt bad after Dustin went home:  “Oh Pat!  Do you want anyone from my team?”  “Nah.”  “Are you sure?”

In the meantime Deb and Jim are battling it out for first though Deb still has two singers to go while Jim has just Zach Seabaugh whom I expect to go through.  Gina T is right there behind them and STILL HAS ALL HER SINGERS!!!  She still has FOUR to go though on Monday so it should be a nerve-wracking time for her.  Ed is next with one singer to go but Gina M is right behind him and she also has three more going Monday.  Tim isn’t far back and has two singers left to perform while Erin still has one to sing and will be passing me any time now.

Blianna or Rake.  Tough choice.  She’s been great hasn’t she?  I don’t know much of her music but she has always struck me as pretty genuine and that comes through in her coaching.

Amy Vachal should have went with Blake but her gut told her to pick Adam instead.  I’m not so sure about Amy Vachal’s gut.  I’m glad Madi won that battle because she was wonderful but I still am thinking that Amy is one to beat.  You guys, what do we do if Deb picks yet another winner???

By the way, there is absolutely no reason to trust any opinion I have this season but regardless I am calling this right now:  Jordan Smith is this years India Carney.  BOOK IT.

As you know, I liked Sawyer Fredericks.  I do not care much for Braiden Sunshine at all but my god Gwen is into him.  It’s almost like he is her personal Ken doll.    He looked like the most unsexy crooner EVER.  I felt bad for Ellie though, she knew right away he killed it and she looked and sounded defeated right from the start. 

Deb  on Viktor’s hair:  DUDE!  You are not in Wham!

We are convinced that there was a backstage deal in place to get Morgan Frazier back on Blake’s team.  CORRUPTION AT THE VOICE???  Does NBC = FIFA??  WAKE UP SHEEPLE!  There was no way Darius Scott was going to lose that one though, man he was good.

MONDAY THE KNOCKOUTS END!!  What does that mean to you?  It means that next week you need to get me your Bonus Picks for the finals!  It is my one chance to get more points and goddamnit I am GOING FOR IT.  Until then I will be huddled in the corner softly mourning my defeat.

GET YOUR SCOREBOARD RIGHT HERE!

With plenty of TSAVFL regrets,

Brother Pat

This week

Hi,

I should have watched last night but I did not.  Normally that would not be an issue because I would do it tonight and get a recap up by tomorrow noonish.  BUT!  Tonight that rave green bunch of superior soccer men Seattle Sounders FC go up against the hated LA Galaxy of Dickheads in a knockout game, so I will be there instead and doubt I'll catch up until tomorrow after work.

Sorry about that because Monday had a bit to talk about BESIDES me being down to one team member.  We will get there though!

Battles Week Two (WAY too late to need a spoiler warning!)

“Look at the men that you’d call uncle

Having a heart attack around your ankles”

                --Elvis Costello

Hi!  I apologize for the delay this week, my back went out on me Monday afternoon and though you would think that three days in bed would leave plenty of time for a comprehensive recap well, I agree in theory but in actuality that clearly was not the case.  I ended up watching Monday’s show without the lovely Deb and I have to say that my enjoyment of The Voice was hampered despite very high levels of self-medication. 

First things first – team names!  Ed will be able to accommodate those into the standings at the top of the scoreboard page so get ‘em in or I’ll make one up that is not likely to be your favorite.  So far I have names for myself and Jim.

I’M A BLIND JOE MAN!!  Loved it when Blake said “should I be callin’ you Blind Joe?”   YES YOU SHOULD!  Singing “Old Time Rock n Roll” was boring but Blind Joe’s little exclamations in between every line that Red White and Blaine sung were hilarious, though I grant you might not feel that way if you were on the other end.  Another debatable steal at best from Adam after the Blind Joe victory.

I was unironically THRILLED that No One Is To Blame by Howard Jones was chosen as a song because it remains one of the very best songs of the 80’s and I love it.  But part of the reason that the dumb steals piss me off is that they prevent anyone from stealing actually good singers.  Like Lyndsey Elm my sweet princess who totally won the Howard Jones battle with Braiden (I look like a creepy animatronic teddy bear) Sunshine yet still got dumped at the curb because Gwen picked that very moment to make a stupid stupid choice.  Even Jim would admit Braiden should fall into a cistern somewhere before he becomes a killing robot and takes out an innocent family rather than winning that battle.  I hate Gwen right now.  I WON’T FORGET YOU LYNDSEY.

Jim and I matched up again in the Andi/Alex and Chance Pena battle of some Lady Antebellum song I don’t know or remember.  NBC was once again caring enough to spare me any kind of suspense by clearly letting us know neither party was going anywhere beforehand (WHY DO YOU KEEP DOING THIS???) so the only thing I had to wonder about was whether I would have one point or two.  I think Chance has a much better voice than I’d realized before plus has that whole old crooner vibe going without the burden of only being able to croon.  The twins win the battle but in the long run I believe that Blake is going to appreciate his second Chance.

Someone has to be feeding Blake bald lines.  There is no way he has seen or heard of Powder and I’m doubtful he knows anything about Blue Man Group except the name. 

Carson was back in form with the six-to-eight syllable intro for each singer, I think the best was during Pharrell’s battle between Evan McKeel (The Virginia Rocker With Church Roots!) and Riley Biederer (The Ex-Gymnast Turned Pop Singer!).  This was also a one team battle with Gina M going up against Gina M.  Another good but overdone so ends up ho-hum battle song we’ve heard too often (Higher Ground) but it was sort of sweet how they each wanted to be more like the other.  The reasons for Riley being an ex-gymnast were pretty clear too since she grew up to be about Evan’s height and size.  You can’t be a tall gymnast, not a good one anyway.  Anyway, Gwen stole Riley which was stupid but I guess you need a fallback to put your best people against in a knockout.

There were a couple other TSAVFL team vs TSAVFL team battles:  Deb had Amy Vachar go against Jubal and Amanda.  You know my feelings on the proposal but Amanda was clearly thrilled about it so I’m an asshole for pooh-poohing their love and OK with that.  That battle resulted in Deb’s only loss in the battles, she was 5-1 which was good for 10 points and a share of the early lead.  On the opposite extreme we had Erin v Erin with Emily Ann Roberts against Morgan Frazier.  I called that battle for Morgan both pre- and post-song so of course Emily Ann won.  For once I was glad to see a steal because I liked Morgan and also because this was the only battle where Erin got any points and it would have sucked so bad to see her down to just one singer after the first round.

Adam during the Viktor Kiraly/Cassandra Robertson battle:  “there is no difference between a one-chair turn and a four-chair turn”

Blake:  Yeah, keep on thinking that.

So!  We are through the first round and there is a tie at the top:  Jim and Deb with 10 points, both of them 5-1 with all wins.  But, Gina T had what may be a first, ALL SIX OF HER TEAM MADE IT THROUGH, putting her right behind with 9 points.  Ed and Gina M both ended up 4-2 with 8 and 7 points respectively.  Tim and I follow at 3-3, worth 5 points for Tim and 4 for me with a win and two steals.  Erin is at my heels with the 3 points from her last battle.

SCOREBOARD IS HERE!!

Next week – the knockouts begin!  Time to start nailing down your bonus picks!!  We’ll be way more prompt with the recap too.  Until then,

Keep TSAVFL’in’,

Brother Pat

The Battles Have Begun! (Yes There Are Spoilers But C'mon Man, It's Been Three Days Already)

“Sheep to the slaughter

Oh I thought this must be love”

                --Elvis Costello

Friends of TSAVFL, we have so many new features this year but I want to start off with the newest, Ed’s magnificent scoreboard/roster page which you can get to by clicking right HERE! (but don’t do it yet if you haven’t watched!).  When you submit your team names we’ll get those up there, and in the meantime a big thank you to Ed for his work.

Other than Adam being bald, references to “a Blake latte’” in a context that was disturbingly close to meaning his orgasms, goo-goo eyes with he and Gwen and a fresh set of mentors that we will get to soon everything was familiar and comforting for a new season. 

Last year all my people went in the first week, this year Brother Pat’s Traveling Show had the fewest go with just two.  The biggest battle was the one that was the easiest to watch with Deb and I going head to head in a contest that NBC had considerately already told us we would both be safe in:  Dustin Christensen and Barrett Baber (as always my friends, any details I get wrong such as names, etc., are simply because I do not care enough to double check and are entirely my fault).  This was a Blake battle with his coach Brad Paisley, who looked exactly how I would have imagined Brad Paisley to look.  In rehearsal Dustin took his hat off and instantly I thought he should put it back on.  They talked about Barrett’s diction and I realized that he is Boomhauer.  It was a solid performance of a solid if oversung song and Debbie knew she was going to win it all along because in her words, “Barrett is Blake’s guy.”  As long as he doesn’t give him a latte’.  Dustin loses but is stolen and goes to Adam’s team which is just what I need.  Later on Deb beat me AGAIN as Noah Jackson left us in a battle with Jeffrey Austin that did not rate a full segment.  It irritates me that we get battles that aren’t seen. 

Basically, everything that always irritates me about The Voice continues to.

Gina M (I assume nobody wants these to come up when your name is googled so I will keep these on a first name basis) also had just two of her team go this week but won both contests.  Man, Gina M and Ed always seem to get off to fast starts.  It was GM versus GT in the very first battle between Jordan Smith and Regina Love.  Sometimes there are battles where you really wonder who will win.  This was not one of those, despite the shrillness of Jordan’s voice in the rehearsals.  Note to NBC:  why are you showing Jordan in side profile so much?  That is mean.  Regina did fine and it was clear she wasn’t going to win but Gwen made a stupid steal of her anyway, I’m guessing because – hell, I can’t even guess.  It was just dumb but that gave Gina T a point so yay for that! 

Poor Erin got the most horrible start of us all, going 0 for 3 in the first week.  What is even worse is that two of those were the quick recaps so one break she’s feeling pretty good and then WHAMMO!  In two minutes her entire outlook changed as Alex Kandel was beaten by Gina M’s blue hair Koda Wade and her first rounder Sydney Rhame lost to Madi Davis of team Jim.  Ouch.  Erin, you should take comfort in the fact that NOBODY in TSAVFL history has ever lost ALL of their people in the first round *looks at Erin’s remaining roster*.  Hmmm, always a first time I guess.  L

Pharrell’s pants had a gigantic Adidas logo on the ass.  Think on that.

Team Tim had four people go and went 2-2, one victory due to another stupid steal, this time from Pharrell, and the other win coming despite Adam doing Adam stuff.  In the auditions you may remember JUST HOW BADLY he wanted to get a country singer on his team.  HE NEEDS IT.  So, he finally got one in James Dupre’ so what does he do first thing?  GIVES HIM A SONG IN A GENRE HE IS NOT COMFORTABLE WITH AGAINST A GUY WHO IS.  Never change, dude.  He actually said “I guess James isn’t comfortable but that’s what you gotta do”.  Really?  Adam, one small piece of advice – country singers who want to be on The Voice ACTUALLY WATCH THE GODDAMN SHOW AND SEE WHAT YOU DO.  This is why they do not want you for a coach.  Blake is NEVER going to make someone sing a totally different style IN A BATTLE ROUND.  As a matter of fact, the one time that Blake did have one of his people try a different genre, he made sure it was a song that worked for his voice without having to change anything up.  At least he was smart and picked him in the end (for poor Erin’s third loss), but I will bet you five dollars right now that Adam will keep him off balance for as long as he is on the show.  Dustin cries at the end in a successful bid to get hugs from the coaches but none of them want him. 

Adam quote of the week after John Fogarty crazily rambled (I liked him in the end but truth must be told) about writing Fortunate Son:  “Well, that’s just the best story ever.”  He did not look like he really thought that the case.

Dr. T is 3-0!!  Not having the first pick is good for her it appears!  In addition to Jordan moving on she got the matchup of Adorable Young Girls That Pat Just Loves Already with Siahna Im against cantaloupe girl Ivonne Acero.  I wanted them both in the draft and thought hard about Siahna as my first round pick until figuring I might be able to pick her up in the second.  I will hear nothing bad about either of them, they are cute and darling and I want to protect them from the hardships of life.  I was very surprised that Ivonne did not pick Gwen as her coach until my lovely wife pointed out that it is possible a rural 17 year old girl just might be a little intimidated by Gwen.  That makes sense, I thought Gwen would be perfect for her but mainly I’m just very happy she is still around.  Deb found Ivonne very relatable.

Deb is also three for three!  In addition to her wins against me she also was featured in the matchup of Chris Crump against Ed’s first rounder Krista Hughes singing a Brad Paisley/Dolly Parton duet about his dead aunt.  CHEERFUL!  I’ll say though I don’t ever think I’ve seen a mentor so involved in this show that they actually rewrote a part of the song in order to showcase one of the voices, I thought that was really cool.  I thought it was a fine battle despite being a little distracted by whatever kind of western go-go girl outfit Krista had with the fringe skirt and cowboy boots, but in the end I agreed with the judges that Chris won and surprisingly Krista goes home to Coal City, WV.  HOPE YOU ENJOYED THE BIG CITY!

Team Jim went 2 of 3 with the best win in my opinion being the one where Zach Seabaugh beat Outlaw Kid And Crybaby Tyler Dickerson to death with Travis Tritt and all I can say is THANK GOD.  Tyler creeped me out.   Despite it seeming obvious that Zach won there was enough dithering by Blake that Deb finally blurted out “Blake you have to pick Zach he is too beautiful to let go!”  Luckily Blake agreed.

And finally, Team Ed had a busy week, tied with Tim with FOUR of his singers going and racking up a nice 3-1 start.  I like Ellie Lawrence even though I’m not usually down with blue-green hair.  I like her voice, I liked her outfits and I liked how enthusiastic she was about everything.  As an introvert I’m drawn towards folks like that, also one of the million reasons my wife is ever enchanting to me.  I will say though that I’m concerned with her attachment to Gwen.  It could get ugly if Gwen ultimately rejects her.  I didn’t think that much of Mark Hood during the auditions but liked him quite a bit in his battle against Team Jim’s Celeste Betton.  He might grow old quickly though, for instance when he hugged Celeste after the song was over and then turned her back towards the camera so he could look directly at it.  He also got a solid win with Irish Keith Semple over Meathead Manny Cabo.  I don’t know how many classic rock songs I’m eager to hear anymore but I can say that Baba O’Riley might not be one of them because I just couldn’t care.  The best part about that battle was my wife who had her quote of the week.  You may or may not know but Deb was adopted and so for her birthday we got her DNA tested and it turns out she is 33% Irish.  So when she saw the rehearsals with Keith she said:  “I like that Irish guy and it has nothing to do with my newfound roots.  Maybe a little.”  It’s fun to watch with Deb.

And that wraps up week one.  Glad to be back!

I’M A BLIND JOE MAN!!!,

--Brother Pat

Here Is The Draft Order!

Date:  Sunday October 11th
Time:  6:00 PM Pacific/9:00 PM Eastern (give or take a few)

DRAFT ORDER (I listed first names in alphabetical order, then got an 8 number sequence from random.org)

1)  Debbie
2)  Ed
3)  Gina M.
4)  Erin
5)  Pat
6)  Jim
7)  Gina T.
8)  Tim

I CAN CUT THE TENSION WITH A KNIFE!

Does A Thursday Draft Work For You? (PROBABLY NOT AS IT TURNS OUT)

Our good friend and defending champion is gone for 10 days after this Thursday.

As you know my preference is always to try and accomodate everyone since the draft is half the fun of this, so my question to everyone is:  Does Thursday evening work for you?

EDIT:  Kinda never mind.  Deb has an appointment and won't be able to make Thursday until around 8PM Pacific and I believe that is asking too much of our East Coast contingent.

The Thing Begins -- First Two Audition Weeks!

“History repeats the old conceits

The glib replies, the same defeats”

                --Elvis Costello

My lovely wife may already be sick of my opinions.  It’s a consequence of writing these recaps for what, the fourth season?  She knows how I’m feeling about something and if she doesn’t agree but knows that I’m likely to comment she starts to needle me about it.  What amuses me about that is that I note her saying four or five mean things these past two weeks of auditions and think that I’ve only said two; and besides, it’s part of this shtick.  But since this is the kickoff post for the FOURTH SEASON OF THE TSAVFL CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!???!! I feel the need to issue my annual reminder that I apologize for any offense in advance because I love each and every one of you, and anything I say that makes you feel differently is an error on my part and regretted.

NBC, “Build Your Voice Team”?  Build Your Voice Team?  BUILD YOUR VOICE TEAM??  Erin and Gina, are you guys getting a cut of that???  NBC YOU BASTARDS!  Also glad to see that you remain unwilling to let the audience experience any surprise by promoting the shit out of what is going to happen before it does.  You keep on doing you.

So we have newly single (and super skinny) Gwen back and open the festivities with everyone singing “Get Lucky” which c’mon, has to be for Gwen and/or Blake if the tabloids are to be believed and frankly after a few of their interactions (check out her look at him after he referred to himself as Hookshot Shelton) I’m more than willing to believe.  I root for that to be true and go on for a little while but end awkwardly and then they can be passive-aggressive towards each other for the rest of the season.  Deb did note though that he was wearing his wedding ring for at least part of the auditions.

Is it me or have they shortened up the audition times?  From what I gather they will fill next week so that’s just three weeks.  I could have sworn it was longer in past.

The wedding proposal was what I hated and Deb enjoyed.  At the start of the show when they showed the ring I made some dismissive noise and Deb said “settle down”.  Every time they teased it I got a little more irritated and soon I could tell Deb had had enough when she said something along the lines of:  “You’re going to ruin this for the rest of us, aren’t you?  Because you don’t believe in real love, you just hate.  You’re a hater.”  And she was right because when I saw the unholy cross between Jay Leno and Guy Fieri that is Jubal proposing to Amanda (who seemed fine) I did not believe in true love at all and I kinda hated him.  I do believe in non-public proposals but my wife thinks they are sweet and that’s valid so we’ll not mention it again.

Do you have favorites yet??  We do.  But since secrecy is paramount pre-draft I’ll just leave some random observations without reference to whom they belong. 

Deb quotes:

“What the hell is Adam talking about saying he is good at song choice?”

“He reminds me of Craig Wayne Boyd.”  Me:  “He reminds me of Damien.”

“Did any of those extra jobs include cooking meth?”

“Pat!  She has the dress with the cowboy boots SHE IS DARLING!”

“Bryan Adams???”

Adam:  You are the most important person who has been on this show.

Me: What?

Deb: That is called hyperbole.

“PLEASE DON’T PICK BLAKE!!”  *Blake is picked* “AAAUUUGH!!”

“Pat there’s your girl.”

And mine:

There were no fewer than 18 songs sung over the past two weeks that I did not know.  I kept track.

I believe that singers who have a large crowd backstage are probably nicer people than those that just have one or two with them.

I’ve always wanted to visit Budapest.

Is the goth nanny Kat v2?

It makes me nervous that I didn’t agree with most of the four chair turns, but it says “faulty opinion” right at the top of the blog, folks.

I so wanted Jeffrey Austin to sing “Never Gonna Let You Go”.

Kohl’s styleout!  Look for Unionbay!

Cantaloupe girl is back!!

I’M A BLIND JOE MAN!

Remember, we’ll likely have to draft next week so let’s start kicking times around in the comments!  IT’S ON AGAIN FOLKS!

Yours in TSAVFL excitement,

Brother Pat

Scoring change proposal

Hi again!

Are your notes taking shape after the first week?  We caught up this weekend, and after we see this week I'll get an audition recap together.

First things first though.  Here are the proposed scoring changes from last year:

Winning battle round/showdown round -- 2 points
Lose battle/showdown but stolen -- 1 point
Make the live rounds -- 3 point bonus (up from 2 last year)
Surviving a live round -- 2 points
Making the top 5 -- 5 point bonus (up from 3 last year)
Surviving round after top 5 -- 4 points (up from 3 last year)
Winning The Voice -- 7 points (up from 5 last year)
BONUS ROUND:  After all battles are done, each team picks 3 finalists, each successful guess is worth 5 points. (up from 4 last year).

The main goal is to incentivize staying power a bit more than in the past but without going crazy because we've had some close contests.  Please vote in the comments below, silence will be taken as a "yes" vote.

Hold Please

Hi!

Due to scheduling conflicts and an anniversary it is very likely that the lovely Debbie and I will not get to see this week's auditions until the weekend.  I will definitely have something to say at that point because without seeing a single second THERE IS SO MUCH TO DISCUSS in the The Voice offseason, not to mention speculation on who Blake is banging this week.

SO!  Feel free to put your thoughts below and talk to you soon!

I am pleased to announce

That everyone is back this year!  YAY!

I will go back in the next day or two and send out whatever those scoring changes I was thinking about at the end of last season -- I have to admit that I blank the existence of The Voice from my brain at the end of one season until the next comes along......just to maintain sanity.

ONLY ONE WEEK OH MY GOD OH MY GOD!

September 21st is only 12 days away!!!

Hi kids,

How's your summer been?

Yes it is true, we board this train once again starting September 21st for the 4th season of the TSAVFL and it is time for headcounts.  Who's in and who is out???  Let me know below.

This blog is about to get ACTIVE again!!