Thursday, March 31, 2016

Mama Said Knock You Out

“She's got dried-up flowers, flaky skin
A beaded necklace and a bottle of gin
She's a nightmare Hippy girl”
                --Beck

Well I liked Miley.  I liked “I’m the opposite of shy now” because I envy people like that, I liked that she was engaged with all of the singers and I liked the weird mix of young woman and jaded old-timer that she possesses.  Let’s rank her outfits shall we?

1)      The sort of tie-dye flowing thing she wore when talking to the camera.
2)      The pink fuzzy FAKE bathrobe with the pajama dress underneath.
3)      The flag suit.
4)      The rain top and rainbow bottom that was, well, weird.

We are only half way through the knockouts but that’s not too early to take a closer look at how our teams stand!  REMEMBER – after the knockouts end it is time to pick your three finalists for BONUS POINTS.

Starting at the top, and with all of her singers having already gone through their knockout round we have Gina T’s Spring Breakers with FOUR people heading to the lives:  Ryan Quinn, Hannah Huston, Katie Basden and Lacy Mandigo, who has jumped from team to team like Jeremy Piven at a sushi bar.  I suspected that the loser of the Ryan/Owen Danoff matchup would be stolen and watching it was amazed as I am every year at some of the song choices in this stage.  The coaches say over and over how this round shows the audience exactly who the singers want to be……and if you then choose Drops of Jupiter all I can do is think “Train?  You want to be TRAIN?  Low bar, dude.”  He’s got a voice though doesn’t he and should do well, though maybe not as well as Hannah Huston who is probably the remaining person I’d most love to have on my team.  We’ve heard Rising Sun a bunch over the seasons but that was the best I’ve seen – she killed it.  I love the ASL conversation she has with her hands as she sings, it seems completely involuntary and for some reason that is just a kick.  I don’t know how much staying power Katie Basden (but boy did she make a great song choice with Gypsy) and Lacy have but all in all this team is the one to beat right now.

Next we have my The Big Short tied for second, though I’ve still three singers to go next week so anything can happen.  Lost Angie Kielhaver to a bad song choice but my girl Tamar delivered once again!  I hope at least Caroline Burns and one of either Kata Hay or Nate Butler can get past the knockouts but it’s hard to see this team being able to compete with Spring Breakers in the long run.

Also tied for second is Gina M’s Can’t Truss It! Which looks like the team most likely to challenge Gina T.  Emily Keener is really good though she did not win that particular battle but won out of potential.  I’m not sure why Pharrell decided to match Emily and Shalyah together.  Gina also had Paxton go through, I think I was biased because I didn’t love the Adele song which is hard enough for a woman to sing but y’know, it was against my team.    She still have Brian Bautista and Abby Celso to sing next week, I’d expect both of them to go through and that would give her four strong singers.

Next is Jim and Hummingbird Lightfoot and the Spiders From Mars.  He lost Malik Heard to Hannah (Malik was toast before he ever started his song), but got Shalyah through another round and even though she goes to Adam’s team that girl is getting better by the week and IS A CONTENDAH.  Adam Wakefield also went through but I was a bit bored by that matchup and actually thought he had lost it.  I’m interested to see how Brian Nhira does next week, that would give Jim three – I cannot see Laith getting through the knockout.

It was a rough week for Ed and Johnny 5 is Alive (but not feeling well) as he lost both Nick Hagelin and Payton Parker in back to back battles.  I thought they both had won their respective knockouts but not by much and I can’t say I was shocked either way, which always sucks when it is your people and you realize they aren’t as good as you had hoped for.  Deb will miss Nick’s little boy more than I and she told me that if we ever have a grandchild with special needs it will be because I made fun of Tiny Tim.  So Ed is hoping for big things from Joe Maye and Brittany Kennell next week and we’ll be rooting for them as long as they aren’t going against my guys.  Well I think so anyway, I don’t much remember Brittany.

Carson’s Way led by Erin is tied with Ed at 8 points and had one singer this week when Moushumi knocked out Nick (by the way speaking again of song choice Nick, you want to be Robin Thicke?)  The only good thing about that song Moushumi sang was the rhyming trio of Americana, marijuana and Nirvana.  I like her voice though so if she can get some better songs who knows, and her parents are cute as can be.  Erin also has Mary Sarah who should go a ways and Caity Peters (who again I don’t remember all that well) coming up next week and we’ll have a much better idea about this team’s potential after that.

We have a pretty good idea of the potential of Deb’s Under Pressure and that is “not much”.  She lost Daniel Passino last week (who frankly would have been a much better steal than Lacy) and is down to just Owen Danoff and Katherine Ho, who Deb does not remember at all.  One of my biggest current The Voice wishes is for Owen to sing Afternoon Delight.  At this point and figuring Katherine won’t make it through the knockouts Under Pressure is indeed a bit underwater.

Currently last but certainly not least is Tim’s Train a Comin’.  With Curly Sue Gone Wrong Alisan Porter he’s going to be getting points for awhile, and with Trey O’Dell and Jessica Crosbie to come he can hope for at least one more to get to the live rounds.  There is such a difference between Alisan’s nasally and kind of annoying speaking voice and her beautiful singing voice.  The other thing I love about her is the ease with which she puts emotion into her singing, something that is missing at times with The Voice I think mainly because there are so many young singers.

So from what we’ve seen so far my top five contenders currently are:
1)      Hannah
2)      Alisan
3)      Owen
4)      Ryan
5)      Shalyah

You want to see the standings?  HERE THEY ARE!!

Yours in TSAVFL dreams,

Brother Pat

Wednesday, March 23, 2016

Two Weeks Of Battles Kick Off TSAVFL Season 5!!

“Did you ever let a cowboy sit on your lap?”
                --Beck

Let’s get the Blake/Gwen stuff out of the way first thing – they look incredibly awkward to me.  It also looks like Gwen is into Blake more than Blake is into Gwen but y’know, that shouldn’t come as a surprise to anybody.  She dresses great though!   Not much insight but we’ve seen that close up for a couple seasons now.

Hey guys, we’re back!  I was going to split the battle rounds out but post draft ran into the second week and it’s just easier to smash them both together.  I’m going to go through the battles starting from my favorite and roughly working down from there with the caveat that most of the ones in the middle are all lumped together.  More and more I think the battles are my favorite part of the show.

First up we have GINA M.VS. JIM IN AN OH MY GOD HOW MANY DAMN SINGERS ARE THERE IN OKLAHOMA DONNYBROOK!  Abby Celso and Brian Nhira sing Sugar by Maroon 5.  There was so much to like in this battle.  Deb:  “I was completely entertained the whole time!”  So was I.  When the song started I liked Brian better but by the end my eyes were on Abby and I was surprised but pleased that Pharrell agreed.  Then it got even better with Adam’s pitch to Brian – he said that Brian would be lost on Xtina’s team because it is so strong whereas on HIS team he’d be on a pedestal which if I still understand English correctly means that Adam believes his team sucks ALREADY!  Brian ends up being afraid of competition and so decides to pick the guy that just threw his entire team under the bus but good luck to you young man, I like you.

JIM VS. PAT IN A THREE LETTER NAME DEATHMATCH!!  Shalyah Fearing and Tamar Davis sing Lady Marmalade.  How great was Patti Labelle as a mentor??  She had them both in tears at the first meeting and then followed up with smart advice such as “put your foot on this one or don’t sing it at all”.  And boy, she is a stickler on the enunciation but then very encouraging:  “THAT GIVE ME CHILLS IN THE FACE!!”  She even had good chemistry with Xtina!  Anyway they both were excellent, I was afraid that Shalyah had edged it but Tamar comes in with the upset and Shalyah goes to Pharrell.

TIM AND GINA T. MEET IN A CALIFORNIA DREAMIN’ BROUHAHA!!  Curly Sue Gone Wrong Alisan Porter against Lacy Mandigo (who I always type as Mandingo but then am immediately embarrassed about).  Deb liked Lacy’s sass – “(Alisan) even has her own Wikipedia page!!”  and so did I but c’mon Lacy – if you are going to talk smack you need to back it up and even though you were deservedly stolen by Blake Alisan kicked your ass.  Wow, she was good.  And I liked that version of the song very much.

GINA M. VS. JIM IN A JESUS CHRIST NBC CAN YOU NOT TELL US A BATTLE IS GOING TO FEATURE A STEAL ONCE IN OUR FRIGGIN LIVES FIGHT TO THE SORT OF FINISH!!  Brian Bautista and Malik Heard sing It’s A Man’s Man’s Man’s World by James Brown.  This was the first time seeing Patti Labelle and I was thinking  wow, she has to be the biggest mentor but realized well we haven’t seen Diddy but then was like “wtf? Patti Labelle KILLS Diddy!”  I tend to like this song better when women sing it but boy it was a solid battle and personally thought Malik had edged it but Brian was a four chair turn so gets the nod from Xtina while Pharrell picks up Malik. 

Why are Adam AND Pharrell both blond?  Or is it that Pharrell just always has a hat on?  Either way I fully support the Adam Levine = Guy Fieri comparison.  Deb did not understand Pharrell’s sweater.

GINA T. VS. GINA T. IN THE FIRST OF OH MY GOD THERE WAS A TON OF SELF AGAINST SELF MASHUPS!!  Hannah Huston and Maya Smith sang a Sia song that I didn’t know but liked quite a bit though Deb thought the backing sample was sort of annoying.  NBC once again tells us there will be a steal so Gina relaxes a bit while we discover that Hannah and Maya are roomies, are appealing as hell and was about the point where I realized that although I LOVE Patti Labelle that Sean Diddy Combs is MENTOR NUMBER ONE THIS YEAR.  By the way, is NBC obligated to refer to him as Sean Diddy Combs?  I do like that at least Pharrell just calls him Puff.  Anyway, liked the song, did not love the orange pantsuit but still wish Hannah was on my team and as Maya gets stolen by Xtina imagined Gina T. sitting back, satisfied.

JIM VS. GINA T. IN A WHO NEEDS BATMAN VS. SUPERMAN WHEN YOU CAN HAVE JERRY GARCIA FACE OFF AGAINST TREY ANASTASIO IN A SEVENTEEN HOUR GUITAR SOLO EXTRAVAGANZA?!??  Laith Al-Saddi and Matt Tedder both love their guitars, man.  Adam is in mid season form as the entire time here he looks like he is thinking “why the hell did I pick two guitar players?”  Actually I ended up liking Laith quite a bit.  He won.  Matt lost.

If I’d have written about the auditions I would definitely have mentioned how I don’t like the new cruel fashion of waiting until someone is crushed and walking off the stage before hitting your button. 

TIM VS. ED IN A MGMT STANDOFF!  Jessica Crosbie (who has resting “eww” face) and Nick Hagelin sing Electric Feel, a song that I both know and like!!  The bond of honesty that we share compels me to mention that I liked Nick’s audition a ton until he brought out his son Tiny Tim to say “God Bless Us every one!” and that I was not going to tell you that because Deb thought it pretty offensive and I guess it is but it’s also just a little bit true.  Deb:  He’s so Diddy!  I expected Nick to walk away with it and did win but he relied too much on his falsetto for my taste and I really liked her though don’t think I would have used a steal, but I’m sure Tim was just fine with it.

GINA T. VS HERSELF ONCE AGAIN IN A CITY VERSUS COUNTRY VERSUS WINGS THROWDOWN!!  Ryan Quinn and Katie Basden sing Maybe I’m Amazed, with Quinn a clear favorite.  Rehearsals were rough and I have no idea who Tory Kelly is but man she was a dud advisor and had no chemistry with Adam at all, but I guess that isn’t necessarily a knock on her.  Sad!  Ryan wins because you don’t let a guy like that go in the battles and Katie picks Blake but should have picked Xtina.  C’mon singers – pick the one that wants you the most!

We’ve actually seen Little Big Shots.  It was cute.

DEB VS. DEB BUT SHE DIDN’T REALIZE IT BECAUSE SHE HAD FORGOTTEN KRISTEN WAS ON HER TEAM!!!  Xtina puts Daniel Passino up against Kristen Marie.  Deb and I both think she looks like a young Geena Davis, though we disagree on who thought that first.  They sing Adele and Passino is pretty damn good, way better than I remember from his audition.  He wins and Geena, I mean Kristen goes home.

ED AND TIM DEBATE WHO IS LINDSEY AND WHO IS STEVIE!!!  Brittany Kennell and Troy O’Dell sing The Chain, which has to be in my top three Fleetwood Mac songs ever.  It was a Blake battle and Gwen told Brittany that she is so cute but too happy, she has no idea, NO IDEA WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO BE HEARTBROKEN DO YOU BRITTANY???  DO YOU?????  DO YOU KNOW THE PAIN, BITCH? DO YOU???????????  Anyway, I thought Brittany sang like a snake, all slithery and liked her a bunch.  She wins and Troy is stolen by Xtina just in time to disappoint him in the knockout round.

One of the many reasons that my wife is the light in my life is watching her fast forward through commercial breaks.  Moderation is not an option.  You go straight to FAST AS POSSIBLE then SLAM ON THE BRAKES then BACK UP AS FAST AS POSSIBLE and repeat until you figure THAT’S CLOSE ENOUGH.  We always get spoiled on who gets chopped. 

GINA M. VS. GINA M. IN ANOTHER BATTLE WITH ONESELF!!!  Brittney Lawrence (whose promising cheerleader career was stopped by tragic injury damnit and definitely not because she put on those twenty-five pounds over the summer) and Paxton Ingram sing I Know What You Did Last Summer, which is one of the millions of songs I do not know.  Blake proves once again why he is a good coach by giving the pop singers a pop song.  I thought Paxton was more interesting and Blake agreed while Brittney was the first one to pack her bags.

PAT VS. TIM IN A BATTLE OF SECOND-ROUND PICKS!!!  Caroline Burns and Mike Schiavo.  I’d be a little bit shocked if Caroline weighed much more than Norm.  A snippet of conversation:
Deb:  I want her to stick around you don’t even know how bad I can’t believe it!
Pat:  Why?
Deb:  LOOK AT HER SHE IS ADORABLE!!!
It was a decent if dull battle but Caroline wins and Mike talks just too long enough to let the desperation show before he leaves the stage steal-less.

Sean Diddy Combs called Pharrell the black Dali Lama.  Heh.

MS. IRRELAVENT (last pick of the draft) VS. PAT IN THE JIM/PAT REMATCH!!!  Chelsea’s a crier.  They sing Melissa Etheridge.  The harmonies do not sound good at all in rehearsal.  I decide to myself that I want Carson to announce “The Lesbian Xtina Kisser From Blank!!!” but of course he doesn’t.  Deb isn’t a fan of Kata but Xtina is and that’s enough!  TWO FOR TWO WILCOX!!!

ED VS. GINA M. IN A HOUSEHOLD BRAWL!!!  Cannon Fodder Jonathan Bach against Emily Keener for Pharrell.  There were a couple like this where one person was clearly better from the start.  Emily knows she is good and I always like to see that, especially in young women.  To the surprise of, well, nobody she wins and to the surprise of, again, nobody Jonathan is not stolen.

ERIN AND ERIN IN THE FIRST “I’M NOT READY TO GO HOME YET” SKIRMISH!!!  Mary Sarah against Justin Whisnant.  Nice choice of song but it was clear who was best here and I’m sure Erin agreed and had her fingers crossed that her first round pick beat her last round pick.  She did, Justin is on a one-way flight back to of course Oklahoma and Erin is very very relieved.

ERIN VS. PAT IN A DO WE REALLY NEED TO HAVE A TORY KELLY SONG ISN’T IT ENOUGH TO JUST HAVE HER AS A DUD MENTOR DISAGREEMENT!!!!  Natalie Yacovazzi and Nate Butler sing whatever song that was.  They seemed even so I rooted for the guy on my side (who has an amazingly square head!).  Adam picks…..Nate!   MAN I NEED TO NOT PREPARE MORE OFTEN!  Natalie is devastated once again.

JIM VS. DEB IN A BATTLE OF CHAMPIONS!!!!  Adam Wakefield goes against fodder Jared Hodder who looks sullen and bereft of confidence from the first.  They sing Can’t You See, I didn’t actually know that’s what the song was called but it makes total sense.  Then Deb and I debated whether or not Marshall Tucker Band first sang it, we decided it was actually The Band and then looked it up to realize we were wrong and by that time it was over and Adam had clearly won.

ERIN AND DEB IN, well, a really boring battle.  Shy Caity Peters and Nervous Joe Vivona.  Diddy snapped him some swag but it made no difference.  And friends, Honesty?  Honestly, poor song.  Post rehearsal Deb regrets her second round pick of Joe.  Caity wins because Pharrell can’t spend his entire time trying to make sure Joe Vivona doesn’t puke on stage.

And there we go!  Do you want standings?  BROTHER PAT IS IN THE LEAD FOLKS!!  Talk to you next week when I’m sure that will not still be the case.


As ever I love each and every one of you,

Brother Pat

Thursday, March 3, 2016

Scoring recap

It is going to be the same as last year:

Winning battle round/showdown round -- 2 points
Lose battle/showdown but stolen -- 1 point
Make the live rounds -- 3 point bonus 
Surviving a live round -- 2 points
Making the top 5 -- 5 point bonus 
Surviving round after top 5 -- 4 points 
Winning The Voice -- 7 points 
BONUS ROUND:  After all battles are done, each team picks 3 finalists, each successful guess is worth 5 points. 

I've heard from everyone except Erin who is probably busy but I hope still in!

Watched the first audition episode.  First heavy sigh of the season:  realizing Gwen is going to be Blake's mentor.  

Tuesday, March 1, 2016

already??? um.....I mean, ALREADY!!!!

"It's nobody's fault but my own"
                    --Beck


Apologies to my TSAVFL friends, I did not realize the new season was upon us!  The lovely Deb is out of town so I have not seen it yet but it is time to make sure everyone is in this year -- go ahead and say hi in the comments to let me know.

You know that honesty is my gig here so I will tell you straight up front that my buzzword for the season is trepidation.  Last season went off a cliff onto a pile of bricks so quickly!

I am thankful that Gwen and Blake aren't on this season together because that might just actually kill me.

Enjoy the auditions!  I will gather my scoring notes and stuff and write again soon with details.

I love each and every one of you.  Here's to the new season!

With promises of recapping meltdowns to come,
Brother Pat