When We Needed Solace, The Voice Let Us Down

“A man hears what he wants to hear and disregards the rest”

                              --Paul Simon

Let’s get this out of the way up front – it is hard to write or even think of clever bon mots for ephemeral bullshit after the past couple days.  I’m angry and discouraged and fed up and scared and frankly want to eat everything in sight, get high as fuck and find enough distractions to make the next four years pass as blissfully ignorantly as possible – and being a white guy, have a decent chance of doing just that without too much difference in my comfortable day to day life, and I get even more pissed and guilty at that fact.  I hate how my peer group that popped raging boners at Reagan’s trickle down bullshit and now thanks to easy blue pills are as erect as ever at the altar of me me me me have poisoned our public discourse.  I hate that calcified pieces of shit like Gingrich and Giuliani are still around to spray their nasty seed over the body politic.  I do not hate but feel sorry for the working class that is seeing progress take their jobs away without a way to retrain them for modernity because I feel that same anxiety – our generation was too late to get anything that the boomers hadn’t already grabbed and too early to really embrace the new technological economy and as a result have always had a certain sullen ennui about us.  So I get it.  But the path they’ve chosen is antithetical to the path they need to take so while I feel sorry for them I also want them to fuck right off to the opioid epidemic they’ve largely brought on themselves with their political choices over the years.  That may be the meanest thing I’ve ever written but clearly I am in the anger stage of my grief.  I feel horrible for the women who are going to lose their right to make decisions about their own bodies, I feel awful for the Muslim, LGBTQ, black and Latinos who, after the first black president, now have to deal with the neo-nazi KKK racism that Trump has encouraged to come out into the open, I shudder at the damage that four years of climate denial at this stage is going to inflict on our kids and grandkids.  I fear years of hard progress are going to be erased and while the larger trend of human history always bends towards progress, it will be a hard slog just to get back to where we are right now.

So it is a really good time for distraction, and what does The Voice do but give us one of their worst ideas in the history of the show.  In no particular order, this is what sucked about the Live Playoff Rounds:

n  Live voting that shut off half the country, with the predictable result that any male country artist would be voted through.

n  No coverage of the artists before their performance, which removed any story or moment to look forward to during the performance. 

n  No feedback after the performance.  I wouldn’t have expected this to be a drawback given the usual pabulum that the judges give, but realized when it wasn’t there that it does make a difference.

n  The quick nature of getting one singer after another on and off the stage had the unfortunate effect of magnifying the weaknesses of the singers and minimizing the strengths, with the result that all the performances ended up blending together and sounding rather blah.

It was a horrible decision to have all 20 people sing in two hours and have 8 of them voted off after spending the past five weeks cultivating viewer interest in them.  Horrible.  Plus, I’M NOT ALL THAT CONFIDENT IN AMERICA’S VOTE RIGHT NOW IF YOU KNOW WHAT I’M SAYIN’.

That said, here is how I had ranked the performances by team:

Alicia went first.  Her team is the strongest and so we knew we’d lose some good ones, though I don’t think that they had their best day – but again, a lot of that is due to the format.  Alicia was stone cold while making her pick by PLUGGING HER NEW ALBUM in the midst of deciding who to cut.  That was baller.  I saw it as:

We’ McDonald

Josh Halverson – Cupid was a fun choice.

Kylie Rothfield – I like Kylie quite a bit but Satisfaction is a hard song to bring something new to and it showed.

Sa’Rayah

Christian Cuevas – As with Kylie, Yesterday has just been covered SO MUCH.  I didn’t love this at all.

AMERICA picked:  Christian & We’

ALICIA picked:  Sa’Rayah.   

Kylie & Josh go home and I am sad.

Blake was next.  One song in and Deb said “Man, this is a horrible night of The Voice”.  I ranked them:

Austin Allsup

Courtney Harrell

Sundance Head – Deb did like his performance.

Jason Warrior

Dana Harper – I love the song Maneater but not in the weird slow verse/fast chorus arrangement she had.

AMERICA picked:  Sundance & Austin.  Duh.

BLAKE picked:  Courtney

Jason & Dana go home along with the last of Hey! Gina M Has A Team!

Miley was up next.  I saw it as:

Ali Caldwell – best voice on this team.

Aaron Gibson – Round Here.  I will fight any of you regarding the greatness of the first Counting Crows album.  He is my favorite voice on this team

Sophia Urista – Do Ya Think I’m Sexy?  Well, yeah.

Darby Walker – Those Were The Days sounds weird coming from a 17 year old.

Belle Jewel – I like the song Runaway but it was a horrible choice for her voice.

AMERICA picked:  Aaron & Ali.  ‘Bout time you got something right, America.

MILEY picked:  Darby

Sophia & Belle go home and poor Talisman Winship sails off into the sunset…..

Finally it was Adam’s turn, with The Voice adding one last shitty thing by giving him exactly 10 seconds to decide who to cut.  I saw it as:

Billy Gilman – Crying – I was prepared to hate this and did for the first few seconds but man, he killed it.

Brendan Fletcher – didn’t get the hype for him earlier but am starting to.

Simone Gundy who everyone seems to just love and so I’m prepared to be her friend too.

Josh Gallagher – was fine but you know he’ll get voted through because fuckin’ America.

Riley Elmore, Crooner.  Jim’s confession about not watching has me hoping that he thinks Riley’s name is actually Riley Elmore, Crooner.

AMERICA picked:  Billy & Josh and god dang it I hate that I knew that would happen.

ADAM picked:  Brendan

Simone and Riley Elmore, Crooner go home and with them go Hummingbird Lightfoot.  A bold strategy by Jim but maybe needs some work.

So no fewer than three teams have been eliminated and Carson’s Way, WW Like A Wreckin Ball and Brother Pat’s TSS together have a full 75% of the remaining contestants.  Gonna be a BARNBURNER, folks!

STANDINGS?  WE GOT STANDINGS.

Yours in our new dystopian hellscape,

Brother Pat

Here Are Your Bonus Picks

"Seasons don't fear the reaper,
  Nor do the sun or the wind or the rain"
                       --Blue Oyster Cult

Happy Election and/or Voice Day to you all!

Bonus picks are in for everyone and they are as follows:

Carson's Way (Erin):  Brendan Fletcher, We' McDonald, Kylie Rothfield.  Bold to take two off her own team but can't quibble with first place.  I like Kylie as a sleeper.

Tina Turner on the cover of Black Stars magazine, 1979 (Gina T):  Billy Gilman, Brendan Fletcher, Ali Caldwell.  Boldest choice:  The only team not to pick one We' McDonald.  EDGY.

Brother Pat's Traveling Salvation Show (Pat):  Aaron Gibson, Josh Halverson, We' McDonald.  Two sleepers because I think I'll need them down the road.  Watch out for Aaron, folks (now watch him flame out this week sigh).

Hummingbird Lightfoot and Braiden Fucking Sunshine (Jim):  We' McDonald, Sundance Head, Sa'Rayah.  The only team to choose Sa'Rayah.  Nice alternate if We' gets upset.

Hey! Gina M Has A Team! (Gina M):  We' McDonald, Josh Halverson, Sundance Head.  Guess who didn't give me a team name.....

Talisman Winship (Ed):  Austin Allsup, Josh Gallagher, We' McDonald.  Making a strong play for the male country artists.  Needs a strong play to avoid the "Nice Try" trophy.  I like the choices.

I Wanna Win Like Jim (Deb):  Billy Gilman, We' McDonald, Sundance Head.  Sundance got more picks than I expected.  I'm sure y'all are smarter than me on this one.

WW Like A Wrecking Ball (Tim):  Billy Gilman, We' McDonald, Ali Caldwell.  I find nothing to comment on here, again, solid picks.

Good luck to you all and we'll be speaking later this week!
Brother Pat

Updated Standings and it is Bonus Pick Time!!

"There's a new kid in town"
                  --The Eagles

MY GOODNESS!

The live round bonus always shuffles the standings and this year is no exception.  With a big four singers advancing, Carson's Way has not only surged to the top, she has taken a commanding 5 point lead over the trio of Deb, Tim and yours truly who are each advancing three singers each.

Just behind those are Jim (also three singers) and Gina T (two, but one of them is We' McDonald) and the battles/knockouts were tough on Talisman Winship and Gina M, each of whom are down to just one singer as we enter the lives.

This is one of the biggest weeks of the season, and rest assured there will be a proper recap.  But in the meantime, choose your three bonus picks from the following:

Austin Allsup
Ali Caldwell
Christian Cuevas
Riley Elmore, Crooner
Brendan Fletcher
Josh Gallagher
Aaron Gibson
Billy Gilman
Simone Gundy
Josh Halverson
Dana Harper
Courtney Harrell
Sundance Head
Belle Jewel
We' McDonald
Kylie Rothfield
Sa'Rayah
Sophia Urista
Darby Walker
Jason Warrior

HERE ARE THE STANDINGS!!

Good luck with your bonus picks!!
Brother Pat

Standings updated through first week of Knockouts

"Can't go left in General Pinochet's Cadillac"
                            -- Camper Van Beethoven

Will Talisman Winship fade from our memories before the live rounds even begin?

Can Tim keep his iron grip on first place or will Gina T/Erin knock him off?

Can Jim make up ground with three singers to the lives?

Might Debbie actually start stalking Alicia Keys?

Could Pat eventually get an actual recap in on time?

The answers to all this AND MORE will be revealed soon.

Heads up!!  After the knockouts it is once again BONUS PICK TIME.  You'll be reminded.

Hope all had a Happy Halloween and now let the spirit move Adam on to another gig because man am I tired of that dude.

OH.  Deb is not impressed with Tim & Faith as mentors.  At all.

GET'CHER STANDINGS RIGHT HERE!!

Yours in election panic,
Brother Pat

We Are Underway!! Delayed, Yeah, But Underway!!!

"I was thinking about Alicia Keys, couldn't keep from crying"
                                      --Bob Dylan


HI!

I most often do these from work and work has been crazy.  So then I would do them from home, but this so stupid damn election has me sort of obsessed so it wasn't getting done there either.  Things will improve (I already voted!)

Anyway, DO I HAVE A LOT TO TALK ABOUT???? YES I DO.  But not a lot of time, so let's just scatter a few things out there:

Alicia Keys and Miley Cyrus are delightful and the best thing about this season so far and if you don't agree then I just don't know you as well as I thought I did and probably need to rethink our friendship.

Alicia has also got a killer team, she went through the entire first round only sending home two of her original twelve, the rest got stolen by others.  Miley was almost as good, only sending home three.  In comparison, Adam & Blake sent home five and six respectively.

Friends (or those of you who agree with my point re Alicia/Miley) -- we are getting SO MUCH BETTER AT DRAFTING!  Check this out:

Erin has lost one person, her last choice.
Gina T has lost one person, her last choice.
Pat has lost one person, my last choice.
Deb has lost one person, her 5th pick.
Gina M has lost three, but they are her last three choices.

You get the picture.  And yeah, WE HAVE A DONNYBROOK AT THE TOP OF THE STANDINGS!

There are three teams at the top with 9 points each:  Erin, Gina T and Deb.  At their heels with 8 points, Tim and yours truly.  Gina M and Jim are locked up at 5 points each and Ed had a rough week, getting only one win and one steal and losing four, landing him in the basement with 3 points.

We have more to talk about and of course we will but in the meantime let me just get you the link to the standings:

CLICK HERE FOR STANDINGS!

And always remember whether this is late or not I love each and every one of you.

--Brother Pat

Draft Order

"They got a building down New York City, it's called Whitehall Street,
where you walk in, you get injected, inspected, detected, infected,
neglected, and selected."
                                            --Arlo Guthrie


Yes, it is here, the order for our Sunday draft:

1)  Erin

2)  Gina T

3)  Pat

4)  Jim

5)  Gina M

6)  Ed

7)  Debbie

8)  Tim

As always it is a snake draft so it will go 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 8, 7, 6, etc etc etc.  Good luck and type to you all on Sunday!!

Good News for People Who Love That

"I'm back in the saddle again"
                    --Aerosmith

Once again we are whole.  Tim is, in his words, smashing back in like a wrecking ball so yay!

Let's Start Talking Draft Day!

"Reluctantly crouched at the starting line"
                               -- Cake


A couple notes:

First, we will be down to seven teams this season as Tim has to take a break that we hope is temporary because I count on him to draft people that are going to be out early and now there will be more of them for me to draft instead.  I thought about trying to find a one season replacement but then got distracted about something or other.

Secondly, next Monday and Tuesday will finish up the auditions and we will need to draft before watching further.  As always I suggest the upcoming weekend of October 8th/9th so let's see what times during that weekend are out for people and we'll go from there.

Finally -- so what do you think of Alicia/Miley?  Any contestants that stand out?  Any you want to fake promote in the hopes someone else will take?  Let's chat!

I don't think any of you will be surprised to hear that Debbie loves Alicia Keys, possibly because she and Pharrell are the same person, I'm still checking that lead out.

LET'S GET READY TO TSAVFL!!!!

I love each and every one of you.

OhBoyOhBoyOhBoyOhBoyOhBoyOhBoyOhBoy!!!!!!

It's that tiiiiimmmmme!

We Wrap Up The Season With A Kind Of Live Blog From The Road Thing That Isn't But You'll See What I Mean, Plus I Ponder The Inevitable Folly Of Pulling Meaning Out Of Thin Air And Why Would One Even Try Something Like That?

“I said ‘Lady, step inside my Hyundai’

I’m gonna take you up to Glendale, yeah

Gonna take you for a real good meal”

                --Beck

Two disappointing seasons in a row for me.  I think the talent was better this time than the trainwreck of last season, but it all just fell flat in the end as it usually does.  Part of that I think was the many many weeks of just one elimination which dragged out the inevitable until the last purge at the end – I believe I’ve argued to do just that in the past and if I did, boy was I wrong. 

A greater factor was a realization I had this week.  When we started the TSAVFL and this whole recap thing came into focus what I was trying to accomplish is what I try to accomplish in so many areas of my life which is trying to pull some semblance of profundity out of absurdity and let’s face it friends, The Voice is about as absurd as it gets.  It worked for quite awhile but after time there just isn’t all that much there there and so trying to find something interesting and vital becomes harder and harder and finally impossible.  You can only squeeze out so much meaning from, say, a cucumber.  Or Pharrell.  Anyway, it was a goal that was doomed to failure from the very beginning and so at this point I’ve realized that while there isn’t much more to be mined in an interesting (to me) way we might as well just embrace the ridiculousness and I think that will be more fun (for me) going forward.

So we are going to “live-ish” blog the finale in this recap!!  We went to Tim and Greg’s house last night to watch the finale and then go through the results and what I thought would be fun is to try and be as verbatim about some of the conversation as I was able to in addition to my own observations.  We were down to Alisan, Hannah, Adam and Laith.  It was a travesty that Shalyah wasn’t in the final, frankly it was a travesty that the finale wasn’t all women – Shalyah and Mary Sarah were better than Laith and Adam on their worst days and you know that is true.  The patriarchy strikes again.

That reminds me!  Congratulations are due to Tim and Greg for their nuptials!  We had a lovely time on Lake Union last week watching them get married and another lovely time on Saturday getting stinking drunk at their party.  Finally off the market after 25 years!  Cheers you two!

Do you think it was a coincidence that all four coaches had a singer in the finale??  I do not. 

We see Xtina for the first time.  G:  Oh God.  D:  What the hell Christina??  T:  Hey, she is embracing our wedding theme!  (Hawaiian).

I compared Laith to Paul Giamatti earlier this year but I may change that to a younger George R.R. Martin so all I kept thinking was GET TO WORK ON THE NEXT BOOK GODDAMNIT.    The show is The Voice, not The Guitar Voice.  He sings White Room by Cream because of course he does.

D:  I think it is cool when Adam gets on the drums.

T:  Well at least he’s not talking.

The lights flash wildly behind Laith.

T:  It’s like high school.

P:  I like a good mushroom song.

T:  He has a great stage presence, you  know, the way he taps his foot.  Really controls the stage.

G:  When he first came out I thought he was wearing an Adam tattoo but then realized it was just paisley.

Next was Alisan and the first thing we saw from her was a squeal  AAAAHHOOOWWWMY GAHHHHHD!! It was earsplitting.  Then she is explaining her song to Christina (SPOILER:  It’s about recovery!) and says “totally” five times in a row.  The song begins:

D:  (stammers for around 15 seconds)

T:  Is she standing on something?  Oh, it’s her legs.

D:  OMG, whoever styles her does a HORRIBLE job.  And I’m just gonna say it, the placement of those jewels looks like her vag. 

G:  Are they pearls?  It’s a clam!

We called her Clam Girl for the rest of the song.  I thought it was the most boring shit that ever shat.

P:  Oh fuck, we’re doing duets as well? 

Adam and Blake sleepwalk through their old Hank song while we chat:

D (to T):  That duet with Blake and Gwen was AWFUL that was such a piece of crap song.

T:  He was on Live with Kelly on Friday and said that he wrote it and then emailed it to her and then she emailed it back and then OMG we have a beautiful song together.  But some of the shit Blake writes, like Honeybee, what the hell is that?

G:  I only heard it once and remember it, I was driving out of Death Valley and then wanted to turn around and drive back in.

Pharrell calls Hannah Hannah Banana and I die just a little bit inside.  She cries talking about her students which seems genuine but just because I want it to be.  She sings Every Breath You Take and wants to give it more of a creepy stalker vibe but THAT IS WHAT THE SONG ALREADY IS.  Geez.  Not much talking there and I really liked it but couldn’t shake the feeling that it could have been just ever so much more.

Duet for Adam and Laith on Golden Slumbers which is a great and righteous song and a pretty perfect duet for these two, not that we paid much attention because we were thinking of restaurant ideas for a friend of Greg’s brother who was in town instead but sure, it was great.

Now Adam is singing his own song and Blake is THRILLED about the line “Loving you is like staring into the sun” and my reaction is more like UGH, THAT is why these guys never go anywhere after this show, they can’t write a song for the life of them. 

T:  Now he looks exactly like a country singer.  (Tim is from Walla Walla, Washington so he KNOWS country).

P:  Shit, I could grow my hair out, put on a hat and vest, strap on a guitar and look like a country singer.

D (to T):  He’s always hated him.  It’s irrational.

T (to me):  I want you to write this down so there is a record for when you try to look like a country singer.

Laith wrote a song that, surprise!, lends itself to several guitar solos.  I have nothing to say to that.  He plays on:

D:  Actually this is my favorite of the originals so far.

T:  Of course it is because it sounds totally familiar.

The conversation then takes a swing into the judges on America’s Got Talent which says something, right?

D (whispers to T):  Pat’s really taking notes tonight.

G:  Are we going to get a preview?

P:  Not a chance.

D:  I don’t even get previews.

Then Adam sings a Vince Gill song that I didn’t like and then Hannah sings her original song and says a very true and cool thing, “I get to work with the producer of the generation!” and it is awesome.  Again, I liked it – Hannah is the only person I want to win anymore but man, her mom needs to not smile so big, that is a lot of gum showing.  Then Alisan sings a West Side Story song which for me was notable only in how genuinely moved Christina was afterwards, that was rare and nice to see.

Our guesses after the finale:  I pick Hannah, everyone else picks Alisan.

We switch live to results and WHAT THE FUCK TWO GODDAMN HOURS WHAT THE HELL IS THIS AND WE’RE CAUGHT UP SO CAN’T FAST FORWARD WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME NBC YOU BASTARDS?????  I don’t know if I will be able to take it.

We watch Cee-lo’s duet with Hannah and it was amusing to watch how she did everything possible to not have to touch him at all and mostly succeeded.  Then we watched Alisan’s team performance and that’s it.  Seriously.  I can’t do any more of this.  So we look it up and HEY!  Alisan wins! 

What does all this mean for our TSAVFL?   I THOUGHT YOU’D NEVER ASK!

Congratulations to Hummingbird Lightfoot and the Sorry not Sorry (also known as the Blake Shelton of the TSAVFL) for his third win, and a landslide one at that with a 21 point margin over the second place Can’t Truss It for Gina M.   It was a razor thin East Coast battle for third with Gina T’s Spring Breakers just edging Erin’s Carson’s Way by one point.  Train a’ Comin’ was charging down the stretch but just ended up a few points back in fifth place with 41 points – some better luck in the battles and he would have ended up right in the thick of it.  My The Big Short and Ed’s Johnny 5 is Alive tied at 33 after that and the last place trophy goes to the lovely Deb and Under Pressure, in a stunning first to worst performance .  I thought Ed had the bottom trophy wrapped up but forgot about bonus points and his two successful picks there lifted him out of the cellar.

FINAL STANDINGS ARE HERE!!! 

Well friends, rivals and compatriots, that wraps up another season of the TSAVFL.  While The Voice disappoints me lately, none of you do at all and I am more than happy to pick this up again in the Fall if everyone is in.  In the meantime, the blog will not go completely silent – I have a writing project I plan to start here in the next couple weeks so if you get a chance feel free to pop by occasionally and check it out.

Until then I remain, really bad at this game but so fond of every one of you,

Brother Pat

TSAVFL Unveils A New Feature -- Our First Guest Recapper!

“Something’s wrong ‘cause my mind is fading

And everywhere I look there’s a dead end waiting”

                   --Beck

I’ve been fragile the last couple weeks.  I dislike talking about my mood issues because it feels weak and we all have our issues to deal with, but since I’m up front in these it’s just what it is.  Anyway, it’s been hard to motivate myself, and so Deb and I had the following conversation as she was getting ready to fire up The Voice this week:

D:  (looking at me) Are you ready for The Voice?

P:  (shrugs) Yeah, sure.

D:  (still looking at me since I am making no attempt to get the laptop or a notebook) Um, are you going to take notes?

P:  Probably, we’ll see.

D:  Would you like me to take the notes this week?

P:  YES!!

So friends, we have our very first GUEST RECAPPER.  It may not be the last because I’ll tell you all right now that as soon as Paxton came on saying he was going to sing Whitney I was tuning right the fuck out – so if you’ve ever read these and thought “I WANT TO DO THAT” then friend, just let me know!  I’m not dropping the mike or anything, but this season is getting on my nerves.

Anyway!  Deb did not want to write her notes into a recap, so I’m going off of them not totally verbatim but putting it into a narrative.  Take it away, my love!

As mentioned, Paxton was going to sing Whitney Houston with an “acoustic vibe” though what happened had me thinking “what’s acoustic about this?”  Also the arrangement didn’t feel right and the dots on the stage made me think of a Tampax box.  The judges talk and all I hear is “blah blah blah”.

Oh My God!  What in the world was Evil Sorceress Xtina wearing this week?  Did she forget part of her outfit?

Now Carson is talking about The Voice app and The Voice page and The Voice blah blah blah and then came out with the BIG NEWS that PINK!! is joining The Voice family!  Oh, look!  She is swinging on fabric gee I’ve NEVER seen that before!

I did think the previews for Alice Through The Looking Glass looked good though.

Mary Sarah is next singing My Church.  She sounds off during rehearsal to me – hey, I think Blake and I heard the same thing!  First verse was meh but things took off with the chorus.  I like her and thought her sparkly boots were awesome.

I called it that Nick Hagelin’s beautiful wife and adorable kid wouldn’t save him this week.  My first thoughts (other than wondering if by “girls” Xtina meant her boobs?) was……don’t dance!  I didn’t like the arrangement and keep thinking that I’d rather listen to the original, it seems like he was switching from one persons voice to another.  And I hated that shirt!  It looked like a nightshirt.

Hannah sang Say You Love Me – I love her and just watched her in order to enjoy it.  Preach, Pharrell, preach!  She is so believable.

Shalyah – whoa, Sam Cooke, you go, girl!  But you are too young to really feel the meaning of that song.  Pat thought her outfit was pretty.

My rankings to this point:

Hannah

Shalyah

Mary Sarah

Paxton

Nick

Laith – I’m bored.  I wish I had gotten dessert at the store,  I like when Adam drums, it sounded good.  God, taking notes is giving me a headache, how does Pat do it?  Is anybody else bored?

I don’t particularly like note taking.

Man, I miss Gwen’s fashion sense.  I’m torturing Pat by not forwarding through this duet though this, this is a shitty song, did a 14 year old write this??  OK, I’m forwarding now.

Hey, I forgot about Adam’s shout out to Michelle Obama and Bonnie Raitt!!  Wow, it’s like he knows me.

Big surprise, pimp spot again for Alisan.  Cute kids, take a page out of Nick’s book why don’t you you fucking horrible bragger.

Oh, wait.  Bryan still has his song to go……..he’s handsome singing this song.  Oh my.

Brother Pat again.  Thanks, Deb, I thought that was great!  Jim extends his lead because of course he does – Can’t Truss It remains in second with Spring Breakers & Carson’s Way in a BATTLE for third.  Train a’ Comin’ is closer and closer to climbing out of the basement and assuming Alisan keeps going (which c’mon you know she will) he will be knocking Johnny 0 Is Alive to the bottom as Ed joins Deb and I with nobody left.

STANDINGS ARE HERE!

Next week we lose three, I believe.  That should be fun!  In the meantime,

I love each and every one of you,

Brother Pat

Two Weeks Of The Voice And Does Anything Really Matter??

“And I’ve been looking for a good time

But the pleasures are seldom and few”

                       --Beck

Hi again.  Yep, missed a week and I’m not sure whether it is recapper’s block or if The Voice is just wearing my ass down.  Anyway it’s not important, what is important is the wonder that is TSAVFL and so let’s talk a little bit about the past couple weeks.

The Top 11 show gave me two lines that turns out are guaranteed to lose my attention:

                “An inspirational song by Paxton Ingram!”

                “Blake’s country artist takes on Journey!”

It also had some things that kept my attention but not in a great way:

Adam to the doomed Owen “Let’s BLOW THE DOORS OFF!!” and then picks Fire and Rain. 

Xtina!  Pardon me for the observation but I’m not necessarily a breast man but my God she had the girls front and center.  Goodness.

Nick sang Your Body Is A Wonderland.  Ugh.  Can Crash Into You be far behind??

There was a good thing or two:

Time After Time is Cyndi Lauper’s best song and I will not accept any other choice.

It struck me as Laith sang Ed Sheeran (sigh) that my problem with classic rock is just the fact that I’ve heard it all so many times, it is comforting occasionally but I’m just way more interested in listening to things I have not heard hundreds of times before.  So the cool thing with Laith is that he can make a new song sound like a new classic rock song and that is fun.  He was my favorite of the night for the first time.

Now for this week!  Deb was glad to see the First Lady and Dr. Jill and apparently we’re at the point where we get a group sing.  SO MUCH SUCK.  I walked out of the room halfway through because I was nowhere near high enough to watch the rest of the show after a start like that. 

Of course when I got back the very next thing was the doomed and shaken Daniel Passino singing I Don’t Want To Miss A Thing FOR FUCKS SAKE.  This was the point where I made the following note:

THEME:  THERE ARE MANY THINGS I HATE.

Luckily Shalyah came on next and her mom called her Pookie and though I did not know the song at least it wasn’t friggin’ Aerosmith.  I ended up liking her much better partly because Shalyah represents much of what is good and right in the world but also partly because the weed kicked in thank God.

The reason I never understand Pharrell is that he speaks in Art.

I think Xtina has a small crush on Nick.  “I couldn’t tell if it was Michael really singing or not ha ha!!”.  Yeah sure.  I will give him credit for not exploiting anyone for the first week I can recall, and though he is not my favorite I think he did fine.  However my lovely wife did not and it was delightful if a bit profane:  “AAAUGH.  I just think this is HORRIBLE!!  GOD NOW HE’S GOING TO POLE DANCE GOD NOW HE’S GOT A STRIPPER MOVE GOING ON OH!  OH!!  OH!!! OH MY FUCKING GOD THAT WAS HORRIBLE!!! UUUUUCK!”

Hannah is confident right now and she should be.  I was listening and typing and not watching the screen until Deb said “Man, she is HOT in the bodysuit!” and I hurt my neck a little bit snapping to attention because, wow, she did.  I know things aren’t real so of course she has a persona but she is very skilled in making it look like she doesn’t and it makes her a breath of fresh air this season.

It is great that Laith is getting some success after all these years but at the same time I feel like he is right on the ragged edge of being unknown enough to be on The Voice since he does seem to have some sort of reputation in blues circles.  I PREFER MY UNKNOWNS TO BE UNKNOWN DAMN IT.  I was underwhelmed because of the famous song curse, did that B.B. King song really need reinterpretation?  Why not take a song that ISN’T blues and reinvent it?

Paxton Ingram sang Celine Dion and I hate the entire world at this point.

I can’t imagine a man winning this season and feel that if one did it would be a travesty on the order of Trump becoming President.

Deb loved Mary Sarah’s outfit and I liked the Tammy Wynette cover.

Despite not speaking Spanish I like hearing latino music because even a narcocorrido sounds romantic.  Bryan’s song was not a narcocorrido but I figured that out watching him salsa across the stage.  I think he is my favorite of the men.

Curly Sue Gone Wrong exploits her addiction again but y’know whatever gets you through, she probably deserves to.  I closed my eyes for most of it and then had the following exchange with Deb:

P:  she sounds like Susan Tedechi.

D: Bonnie.

P: Etheridge.

D:  Yeah, all those guys.

Adam gets the prime time spot and sings Ray Charles.  It was fine, little dull for me.

My rankings for the night:

Alisan

Hannah

Shalyah

Mary Sarah

Bryan

Laith

Adam

Getting Hit By A Car

Paxton

Nick

Daniel

Pretty right on!!

As for the standings, Jim still has three alive and is cruising once again with a big 9 point lead over Gina M’s Can’t Truss It!  Spring Breakers and Carson’s Way are duking it out for third while Deb’s Under Pressure joins me with her last two being eliminated in the past two weeks.  I can’t see anyone catching Jim at this point but the battle for second may well come down to Bonus Picks, as might the battle for last place -- though Tim is there right now Curly Sue Gone Wrong will pull him out of it soon.  IT’S A RUNAWAY FOR THE TOP SPOT.

Standings are RIGHT HERE!!

Wearily yours,

Brother Pat

Not Much Happened Or At Least Not Much That I Cared About But Still, Sorry This Is Late

“These are the words we use to say goodbye”

                       --Beck

My top five Prince songs:

Delirious

I Could Never Take The Place Of Your Man

Let’s Go Crazy

Raspberry Beret

Little Red Corvette

I suppose if I was cooler I’d have deeper cuts, but these will do me just fine.

Sorry for the delay, it has been a busy week and frankly The Voice didn’t do a whole lot for me this time around.  This is going to be very short.  Here are how I ranked the singers and maybe a quick note or two on the show:

Shalyah Fearing – Deb (excited) “oh Shalyah, what are you gonna sing for us little girl???”  She quoted Kelly Clarkson lyrics.  That’s friggin’ adorable.

Hannah Huston – Man she is weird.  Deb turned me on to Etta James.  I like Etta James.  I don’t like Hannah Huston as much as I do Etta James, but do like her quite a bit.

Bryan Bautista – I have learned that my feeling about a romantic song changes when the singer becomes more known for an acrimonious divorce than his output.

Owen Danoff – I did not know the song that he sung, but it was a crazy cross of In The Year 2525 and Cat’s In The Cradle.  Won the sing-off but sure looks like he isn’t going to make it much longer.

Adam Wakefield – “It’s about setting up the foundation for where my roots lie.” 

Alisan Porter – Deb:  “No.  What is Alisan Porter wearing? No no no oh my so much no in that last 25 seconds.”  She is probably best but I liked others more this week.

Nick Hagelin --  wisely switches up to pimp the wife instead of the kid, well played, young man.

Mary Sarah – I was bored and didn’t pay attention.  Deb:  “she was good but don’t we already have Carrie Underwood?”

Daniel Passino – Debbie hated this so much.  I was mostly all right until the ending where I was “WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?”

Laith Al-Saddi – I hadn’t noticed how much Laith resembles Paul Giamatti.  For the record I am ambivalent bordering on not caring for Paul Giamatti. 

Paxton Ingram – I feel nothing when Paxton sings.

Emily Keener – Pharrell!!  Why the hell didn’t you stop her?  That song choice was never going to sell, she was halfway done and I was writing that she was going home this week.  The judges praised her technique and maybe it was fine but that doesn’t matter IF THE SONG ISN’T ANY FUN TO LISTEN TO.  I was already getting annoyed with how logoed up Pharrell is all the time.  This is two strikes, pal.

I actually like that Adam has been dressing up the past couple weeks.  I don’t know what this show is doing to me but I don’t think it is healthy.

STANDINGS!! 

Hopefully I’ll be interesting next week.  Don’t hold your breath.

Resignedly,

Brother Pat

You Never Hear The Bullet With Your Name On It

“I’m a full grown man

But I’m not afraid to cry”

                  --Beck

I didn’t actually realize until this morning that my team was wiped out in one fell swoop.  It was so quick!  There were TSAVFL shakeups ALL OVER THE PLACE.  Spring Breakers had four singers knocked down to one.  Under Pressure and Johnny 5 Is Alive both doubled their rosters at least briefly in the case of the latter.  Carson’s Way got a singer back and then promptly lost three to also get knocked down to one, while Can’t Truss It!  and Hummingbird Lightfoot and the Spiders From Mars are cruising with three singers left to each.  Gina M was the only team to not lose anybody last night.  I’ll tell you one thing though – it’s gonna BE A DONNYBROOK for that last place trophy.  The Big Short racked up enough early points so now that they are knocked out it is going to be a slow sink towards the bottom but will anyone go out early enough to challenge me for the second straight loser’s trophy??? 

As an aside, this is what Deb said when I told her my team was gone:  “Y’know, you won that one year.  That really must have been a fluke, huh?”  Indeed.  Thanks, honey.

TSAVFL analysis from the worst owner in the league seems a ridiculous thing, but that’s what I do and there’s no reason to stop now.  I ranked all the singers immediately after each of them sang so let’s go with the order I put them in:

Shalyah Fearing.  I was trying to think of a better performance I’ve seen on The Voice ever and can’t.  The only thing I can compare it to in the reality show singing contest arena is when Fantasia did Summertime way back when.  Deb had tears in her eyes and said “how did I not have her in my final three?”  I’m asking myself the same thing.  That was just great.  Solid number one pick, Jim.  You bastard.

HEY!!  Did you guys realize that THIS WEEK’S episode of The Blacklist is the one that CAN’T BE MISSED?  I risked it and lost.  I hope you watched it. 

How did Joe Maye go home?  Love the song, thought he knocked it out (really enjoyed how Blake suggested he sing the first chorus straight in order to get the audience familiar and then he was able to both do that and make it his own) and it was easily my favorite performance of that first night.  But then again, remember how many people I still have.

I expected Hannah Huston to get more bonus picks than she did.  She’s really good.  Both Bryan Bautista and Emily Keener needed judges saves to move on but I thought they were both well deserved.  I really like all three of them.  There are a lot of people to root for this time around.

I’ve probably mentioned before that I do not get the Janis Joplin love, it’s always been my feeling that if she hadn’t died she wouldn’t be much remembered.  So Alisan’s song didn’t resonate with me as much as it probably did with others, but she did it well, as did Kata though it wasn’t enough for her.  She should have yodeled it.

I’m most bummed out about Caroline but I was too biased to be able to judge her effectively.  I realized while she was singing that if I ever have granddaughters they will be able to swindle me out of everything I own if they end up mean enough to want to.  I had her right down around the danger area in rankings but really expected her to advance.  Sigh.

Mary Sarah sounded like she was getting drowned out by the band early on but got better as she progressed.  She was also down in this danger zone range but I never felt she would be in danger of going home and don’t think she will be for awhile yet.  Her hair was bugging me because it reminded me of someone but I couldn’t remember who.

Any The Voice drinking game must require a shot whenever Pharrell runs out of things to say and just tells the audience to clap instead.

Of the four comeback artists I thought Daniel Passino was the most deserving and he showed that I think.  My reaction to Justin Whisnant was “that guy???” and while I don’t think it is calculated you just know that Tiny Tim was a big part of why Nick a) came back and b) moved on.  Nate never had a chance trying to follow up the force of nature that was Shalyah with Sara Smile of all things (good song, wrong vibe right after that).

There were things that surprised me all around.  I hadn’t remembered Adam Wakefield all that well so when no fewer than three of y’all picked him as a finalist I was eager to find out what I’d missed.  What I realized:  You should all be ASHAMED at throwing away your judgement/ethics/ears by deciding to just go with “Blake’s Country Guy” in the callous pursuit of five bonus points.  Though I still love each and every one of you I can’t say I haven’t lost a tiny bit of respect.  He is horrible.

Debbie wants to be a stylist on this show.  This happened while watching Katie Basden who I realized looks quite a bit like Kelly Clarkson.  She had two other great things to say during Katie’s segment and they made me so delighted I’m just going to give the quotes with no explanation:  “I like her I mean I think I like her no I like her, y’know?”  And “I hate that dress it’s a dress with a feather vest and a giant belt cinched around her waist and her hair is styled just horribly oh god it’s just all bad ohhh dear.”  Also on Monday during one of the group shots before commercial Deb saw Kata and made a vomit noise to herself.

Speaking of styling what the hell was up with Xtina’s Lily Munster hair and whatever those gloves were?  I didn’t get those AT ALL. 

I don’t know what else to say now and don’t feel like going through the folks I had at the bottom of my rankings, I did have 8 people that went through in my top 12 so that seems decent.  For the record this was the order:

Shalyah

Joe

Hannah

Bryan

Emily

Alisan

Caroline

Kata

Mary Sarah

Daniel

Brian

Nick

Katie

Ryan

Owen

Moushumi

Caity  (Deb during her song:  “man it just seems to never end”)

Tamar

Laith

Adam

Paxton – how Blake saved him and not Joe is a friggin’ mystery and frankly a TRAVESTY.

Nate – but not entirely his fault.

Lacy

Justin

STANDINGS!!!  Barring any surprises it looks like Hummingbird and Can't Truss are gonna be battling it out for awhile.  In the meantime I remain,

Why Can't You Be Nicer To Me?,

Brother Pat

Bonus Picks Are In!

"I'm a loser, baby, so why don't you kill me"
                           --Beck


Here it is, in all it's glory:

Currently as last season's last place team it is MINE ALL MINE.  And Erin, you could not have chosen a better quote -- I've been using it on Debbie since this arrived.

Have not watched last night yet, we'll catch up on that tonight.  But Bonus Picks have been received and here they are:

Hummingbird Lightfoot & the Spiders From Mars:  Shalyah Fearing, Adam Wakefield, Bryan Bautista.

Spring Breakers:  Alisan Porter, Ryan Quinn, Brian Nhira.

The Big Short:  Alisan Porter, Mary Sarah, Owen Danoff.

Can't Truss It!:  Alisan Porter, Moushumi, Bryan Bautista.

Carson's Way:  Alisan Porter, Mary Sarah, Adam Wakefield.

Johnny 5 is Alive:  Alisan Porter, Caroline Burns, Hannah Huston.

Under Pressure:  Bryan Bautista, Caroline Burns, Hannah Huston.

Train a Comin':  Alisan Porter, Adam Wakefield, Bryan Bautista.


Both Adam & Bryan got more action that I thought they might.  I wasn't surprised that most of us had Curly Sue Gone Wrong.  Thought there might have been a little more love for either Ryan or Mary Sarah or Hannah.

I will update the standings with these momentarily.  Good luck to all!

You May Not Be Ready To Go Home But Someone Has To So Quit Saying That People

“I’m tired of fighting

Fighting for a lost cause”

                --Beck

Friends and followers of TSAVFL, we have TWO big battles going on in the standings right now!  Post knockouts the Live Round Bonus kicks in, and it has split TSAVFL just about in half.  There are no less than five teams in a donnybrook at the top – Hummingbird Lightfoot has squeaked to the lead with 26 points but he has two other teams right on his heels at 25 each:  Spring Breakers and The Big Short.  Right behind that Can’t Truss It! (23 points) and Carson’s Way (21) are ready to step up and take advantage of any weakness in the teams above them.

This is where I call out our award coordinator Erin for once again going above and beyond – WE HAVE A LOSER TROPHY AND IT IS MAGNIFICENT!  I meant to put a picture with it but will follow up with that later, suffice to say that as the CURRENT HOLDER of this award I could not be prouder of my humiliating loss and one of these teams:  Johnny 5 is Alive (12 points), Under Pressure (11) and Train a Comin’ (9) are all in the running to inherit it at the end of the season.  Each of these three are down to one singer, so it’s anyone’s game there as they tussle for TSAVFL’s lost cause.  Erin, the trophy is another Thing Of Beauty and we are a better league for it.

BONUS PICKS ARE DUE THIS WEEK!  EMAIL THEM TO ME!  Remember, we’ve bumped up the point total to 5 for each successful guess given just how goddamn hard it has been to pick these correctly so don’t lose out!  I hear that like last year the coaches may bring someone back – same rule applies as last year, no credit for the knockouts but will get a live round bonus and points going forward.

As of now, here are the coaches teams ranked by me (and the singers will be in best to worst order as well):

Team Xtina:  Alisan Parker, Ryan Quinn, Bryan Bautista, Tamar Davis and Kata Hay.  The team to beat, no?

Team Adam (god I hate myself):  Caroline Burns (THEY ARE SAVING HER FOR THE LIVE ROUNDS!!), Owen Danoff, Shalyah Fearing, Brian Nhira and Laith Al-Saddi.  I always expect Laith to lose but then he comes out and is delightful every time so far.  I could see him catching on a bit in live voting.  Shalyah and Brian both have that potential to get better as the season goes along.  Stronger team from Adam than I anticipated but I feel confident he’ll find a way to mess it up, and with my luck it will be Caroline.

Team Pharrell:  Hannah Huston, Emily Keener, Caity Peters, Moushumi and Lacy Mandigo.  Love Hannah as I’ve said, like Emily a lot though not sure she’ll be consistent enough to go all the way.  Caity hasn’t done much for me so far but who knows?

Team Blake:  Mary Sarah, Adam Wakefield, Joe Maye, Katie Basden and Paxton Ingram.  Mary Sarah is definitely a contender, maybe Adam.  Joe Maye was way weaker than I expected in the knockouts and Katie & Paxton are just meh for me so far.

I didn’t take a ton of notes this week because I was either getting tired of battles or was bored.  Was very sad to see Abby Celso go though, I liked her a bunch. 

Line of the week from Debbie talking about Kata Hay:  It’s like her face is a confluence of everything gone wrong.   Deb is not enamored with Kata.

Next week WE GO LIVE!!  Standings as usual can be found HERE.

While dreaming of TSAVFL hardware, I remain, yer pal,

Brother Pat

Mama Said Knock You Out

“She's got dried-up flowers, flaky skin

A beaded necklace and a bottle of gin

She's a nightmare Hippy girl”

                --Beck

Well I liked Miley.  I liked “I’m the opposite of shy now” because I envy people like that, I liked that she was engaged with all of the singers and I liked the weird mix of young woman and jaded old-timer that she possesses.  Let’s rank her outfits shall we?

1)      The sort of tie-dye flowing thing she wore when talking to the camera.

2)      The pink fuzzy FAKE bathrobe with the pajama dress underneath.

3)      The flag suit.

4)      The rain top and rainbow bottom that was, well, weird.

We are only half way through the knockouts but that’s not too early to take a closer look at how our teams stand!  REMEMBER – after the knockouts end it is time to pick your three finalists for BONUS POINTS.

Starting at the top, and with all of her singers having already gone through their knockout round we have Gina T’s Spring Breakers with FOUR people heading to the lives:  Ryan Quinn, Hannah Huston, Katie Basden and Lacy Mandigo, who has jumped from team to team like Jeremy Piven at a sushi bar.  I suspected that the loser of the Ryan/Owen Danoff matchup would be stolen and watching it was amazed as I am every year at some of the song choices in this stage.  The coaches say over and over how this round shows the audience exactly who the singers want to be……and if you then choose Drops of Jupiter all I can do is think “Train?  You want to be TRAIN?  Low bar, dude.”  He’s got a voice though doesn’t he and should do well, though maybe not as well as Hannah Huston who is probably the remaining person I’d most love to have on my team.  We’ve heard Rising Sun a bunch over the seasons but that was the best I’ve seen – she killed it.  I love the ASL conversation she has with her hands as she sings, it seems completely involuntary and for some reason that is just a kick.  I don’t know how much staying power Katie Basden (but boy did she make a great song choice with Gypsy) and Lacy have but all in all this team is the one to beat right now.

Next we have my The Big Short tied for second, though I’ve still three singers to go next week so anything can happen.  Lost Angie Kielhaver to a bad song choice but my girl Tamar delivered once again!  I hope at least Caroline Burns and one of either Kata Hay or Nate Butler can get past the knockouts but it’s hard to see this team being able to compete with Spring Breakers in the long run.

Also tied for second is Gina M’s Can’t Truss It! Which looks like the team most likely to challenge Gina T.  Emily Keener is really good though she did not win that particular battle but won out of potential.  I’m not sure why Pharrell decided to match Emily and Shalyah together.  Gina also had Paxton go through, I think I was biased because I didn’t love the Adele song which is hard enough for a woman to sing but y’know, it was against my team.    She still have Brian Bautista and Abby Celso to sing next week, I’d expect both of them to go through and that would give her four strong singers.

Next is Jim and Hummingbird Lightfoot and the Spiders From Mars.  He lost Malik Heard to Hannah (Malik was toast before he ever started his song), but got Shalyah through another round and even though she goes to Adam’s team that girl is getting better by the week and IS A CONTENDAH.  Adam Wakefield also went through but I was a bit bored by that matchup and actually thought he had lost it.  I’m interested to see how Brian Nhira does next week, that would give Jim three – I cannot see Laith getting through the knockout.

It was a rough week for Ed and Johnny 5 is Alive (but not feeling well) as he lost both Nick Hagelin and Payton Parker in back to back battles.  I thought they both had won their respective knockouts but not by much and I can’t say I was shocked either way, which always sucks when it is your people and you realize they aren’t as good as you had hoped for.  Deb will miss Nick’s little boy more than I and she told me that if we ever have a grandchild with special needs it will be because I made fun of Tiny Tim.  So Ed is hoping for big things from Joe Maye and Brittany Kennell next week and we’ll be rooting for them as long as they aren’t going against my guys.  Well I think so anyway, I don’t much remember Brittany.

Carson’s Way led by Erin is tied with Ed at 8 points and had one singer this week when Moushumi knocked out Nick (by the way speaking again of song choice Nick, you want to be Robin Thicke?)  The only good thing about that song Moushumi sang was the rhyming trio of Americana, marijuana and Nirvana.  I like her voice though so if she can get some better songs who knows, and her parents are cute as can be.  Erin also has Mary Sarah who should go a ways and Caity Peters (who again I don’t remember all that well) coming up next week and we’ll have a much better idea about this team’s potential after that.

We have a pretty good idea of the potential of Deb’s Under Pressure and that is “not much”.  She lost Daniel Passino last week (who frankly would have been a much better steal than Lacy) and is down to just Owen Danoff and Katherine Ho, who Deb does not remember at all.  One of my biggest current The Voice wishes is for Owen to sing Afternoon Delight.  At this point and figuring Katherine won’t make it through the knockouts Under Pressure is indeed a bit underwater.

Currently last but certainly not least is Tim’s Train a Comin’.  With Curly Sue Gone Wrong Alisan Porter he’s going to be getting points for awhile, and with Trey O’Dell and Jessica Crosbie to come he can hope for at least one more to get to the live rounds.  There is such a difference between Alisan’s nasally and kind of annoying speaking voice and her beautiful singing voice.  The other thing I love about her is the ease with which she puts emotion into her singing, something that is missing at times with The Voice I think mainly because there are so many young singers.

So from what we’ve seen so far my top five contenders currently are:

1)      Hannah

2)      Alisan

3)      Owen

4)      Ryan

5)      Shalyah

You want to see the standings?  HERE THEY ARE!!

Yours in TSAVFL dreams,

Brother Pat

Two Weeks Of Battles Kick Off TSAVFL Season 5!!

“Did you ever let a cowboy sit on your lap?”

                --Beck

Let’s get the Blake/Gwen stuff out of the way first thing – they look incredibly awkward to me.  It also looks like Gwen is into Blake more than Blake is into Gwen but y’know, that shouldn’t come as a surprise to anybody.  She dresses great though!   Not much insight but we’ve seen that close up for a couple seasons now.

Hey guys, we’re back!  I was going to split the battle rounds out but post draft ran into the second week and it’s just easier to smash them both together.  I’m going to go through the battles starting from my favorite and roughly working down from there with the caveat that most of the ones in the middle are all lumped together.  More and more I think the battles are my favorite part of the show.

First up we have GINA M.VS. JIM IN AN OH MY GOD HOW MANY DAMN SINGERS ARE THERE IN OKLAHOMA DONNYBROOK!  Abby Celso and Brian Nhira sing Sugar by Maroon 5.  There was so much to like in this battle.  Deb:  “I was completely entertained the whole time!”  So was I.  When the song started I liked Brian better but by the end my eyes were on Abby and I was surprised but pleased that Pharrell agreed.  Then it got even better with Adam’s pitch to Brian – he said that Brian would be lost on Xtina’s team because it is so strong whereas on HIS team he’d be on a pedestal which if I still understand English correctly means that Adam believes his team sucks ALREADY!  Brian ends up being afraid of competition and so decides to pick the guy that just threw his entire team under the bus but good luck to you young man, I like you.

JIM VS. PAT IN A THREE LETTER NAME DEATHMATCH!!  Shalyah Fearing and Tamar Davis sing Lady Marmalade.  How great was Patti Labelle as a mentor??  She had them both in tears at the first meeting and then followed up with smart advice such as “put your foot on this one or don’t sing it at all”.  And boy, she is a stickler on the enunciation but then very encouraging:  “THAT GIVE ME CHILLS IN THE FACE!!”  She even had good chemistry with Xtina!  Anyway they both were excellent, I was afraid that Shalyah had edged it but Tamar comes in with the upset and Shalyah goes to Pharrell.

TIM AND GINA T. MEET IN A CALIFORNIA DREAMIN’ BROUHAHA!!  Curly Sue Gone Wrong Alisan Porter against Lacy Mandigo (who I always type as Mandingo but then am immediately embarrassed about).  Deb liked Lacy’s sass – “(Alisan) even has her own Wikipedia page!!”  and so did I but c’mon Lacy – if you are going to talk smack you need to back it up and even though you were deservedly stolen by Blake Alisan kicked your ass.  Wow, she was good.  And I liked that version of the song very much.

GINA M. VS. JIM IN A JESUS CHRIST NBC CAN YOU NOT TELL US A BATTLE IS GOING TO FEATURE A STEAL ONCE IN OUR FRIGGIN LIVES FIGHT TO THE SORT OF FINISH!!  Brian Bautista and Malik Heard sing It’s A Man’s Man’s Man’s World by James Brown.  This was the first time seeing Patti Labelle and I was thinking  wow, she has to be the biggest mentor but realized well we haven’t seen Diddy but then was like “wtf? Patti Labelle KILLS Diddy!”  I tend to like this song better when women sing it but boy it was a solid battle and personally thought Malik had edged it but Brian was a four chair turn so gets the nod from Xtina while Pharrell picks up Malik. 

Why are Adam AND Pharrell both blond?  Or is it that Pharrell just always has a hat on?  Either way I fully support the Adam Levine = Guy Fieri comparison.  Deb did not understand Pharrell’s sweater.

GINA T. VS. GINA T. IN THE FIRST OF OH MY GOD THERE WAS A TON OF SELF AGAINST SELF MASHUPS!!  Hannah Huston and Maya Smith sang a Sia song that I didn’t know but liked quite a bit though Deb thought the backing sample was sort of annoying.  NBC once again tells us there will be a steal so Gina relaxes a bit while we discover that Hannah and Maya are roomies, are appealing as hell and was about the point where I realized that although I LOVE Patti Labelle that Sean Diddy Combs is MENTOR NUMBER ONE THIS YEAR.  By the way, is NBC obligated to refer to him as Sean Diddy Combs?  I do like that at least Pharrell just calls him Puff.  Anyway, liked the song, did not love the orange pantsuit but still wish Hannah was on my team and as Maya gets stolen by Xtina imagined Gina T. sitting back, satisfied.

JIM VS. GINA T. IN A WHO NEEDS BATMAN VS. SUPERMAN WHEN YOU CAN HAVE JERRY GARCIA FACE OFF AGAINST TREY ANASTASIO IN A SEVENTEEN HOUR GUITAR SOLO EXTRAVAGANZA?!??  Laith Al-Saddi and Matt Tedder both love their guitars, man.  Adam is in mid season form as the entire time here he looks like he is thinking “why the hell did I pick two guitar players?”  Actually I ended up liking Laith quite a bit.  He won.  Matt lost.

If I’d have written about the auditions I would definitely have mentioned how I don’t like the new cruel fashion of waiting until someone is crushed and walking off the stage before hitting your button. 

TIM VS. ED IN A MGMT STANDOFF!  Jessica Crosbie (who has resting “eww” face) and Nick Hagelin sing Electric Feel, a song that I both know and like!!  The bond of honesty that we share compels me to mention that I liked Nick’s audition a ton until he brought out his son Tiny Tim to say “God Bless Us every one!” and that I was not going to tell you that because Deb thought it pretty offensive and I guess it is but it’s also just a little bit true.  Deb:  He’s so Diddy!  I expected Nick to walk away with it and did win but he relied too much on his falsetto for my taste and I really liked her though don’t think I would have used a steal, but I’m sure Tim was just fine with it.

GINA T. VS HERSELF ONCE AGAIN IN A CITY VERSUS COUNTRY VERSUS WINGS THROWDOWN!!  Ryan Quinn and Katie Basden sing Maybe I’m Amazed, with Quinn a clear favorite.  Rehearsals were rough and I have no idea who Tory Kelly is but man she was a dud advisor and had no chemistry with Adam at all, but I guess that isn’t necessarily a knock on her.  Sad!  Ryan wins because you don’t let a guy like that go in the battles and Katie picks Blake but should have picked Xtina.  C’mon singers – pick the one that wants you the most!

We’ve actually seen Little Big Shots.  It was cute.

DEB VS. DEB BUT SHE DIDN’T REALIZE IT BECAUSE SHE HAD FORGOTTEN KRISTEN WAS ON HER TEAM!!!  Xtina puts Daniel Passino up against Kristen Marie.  Deb and I both think she looks like a young Geena Davis, though we disagree on who thought that first.  They sing Adele and Passino is pretty damn good, way better than I remember from his audition.  He wins and Geena, I mean Kristen goes home.

ED AND TIM DEBATE WHO IS LINDSEY AND WHO IS STEVIE!!!  Brittany Kennell and Troy O’Dell sing The Chain, which has to be in my top three Fleetwood Mac songs ever.  It was a Blake battle and Gwen told Brittany that she is so cute but too happy, she has no idea, NO IDEA WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO BE HEARTBROKEN DO YOU BRITTANY???  DO YOU?????  DO YOU KNOW THE PAIN, BITCH? DO YOU???????????  Anyway, I thought Brittany sang like a snake, all slithery and liked her a bunch.  She wins and Troy is stolen by Xtina just in time to disappoint him in the knockout round.

One of the many reasons that my wife is the light in my life is watching her fast forward through commercial breaks.  Moderation is not an option.  You go straight to FAST AS POSSIBLE then SLAM ON THE BRAKES then BACK UP AS FAST AS POSSIBLE and repeat until you figure THAT’S CLOSE ENOUGH.  We always get spoiled on who gets chopped. 

GINA M. VS. GINA M. IN ANOTHER BATTLE WITH ONESELF!!!  Brittney Lawrence (whose promising cheerleader career was stopped by tragic injury damnit and definitely not because she put on those twenty-five pounds over the summer) and Paxton Ingram sing I Know What You Did Last Summer, which is one of the millions of songs I do not know.  Blake proves once again why he is a good coach by giving the pop singers a pop song.  I thought Paxton was more interesting and Blake agreed while Brittney was the first one to pack her bags.

PAT VS. TIM IN A BATTLE OF SECOND-ROUND PICKS!!!  Caroline Burns and Mike Schiavo.  I’d be a little bit shocked if Caroline weighed much more than Norm.  A snippet of conversation:

Deb:  I want her to stick around you don’t even know how bad I can’t believe it!

Pat:  Why?

Deb:  LOOK AT HER SHE IS ADORABLE!!!

It was a decent if dull battle but Caroline wins and Mike talks just too long enough to let the desperation show before he leaves the stage steal-less.

Sean Diddy Combs called Pharrell the black Dali Lama.  Heh.

MS. IRRELAVENT (last pick of the draft) VS. PAT IN THE JIM/PAT REMATCH!!!  Chelsea’s a crier.  They sing Melissa Etheridge.  The harmonies do not sound good at all in rehearsal.  I decide to myself that I want Carson to announce “The Lesbian Xtina Kisser From Blank!!!” but of course he doesn’t.  Deb isn’t a fan of Kata but Xtina is and that’s enough!  TWO FOR TWO WILCOX!!!

ED VS. GINA M. IN A HOUSEHOLD BRAWL!!!  Cannon Fodder Jonathan Bach against Emily Keener for Pharrell.  There were a couple like this where one person was clearly better from the start.  Emily knows she is good and I always like to see that, especially in young women.  To the surprise of, well, nobody she wins and to the surprise of, again, nobody Jonathan is not stolen.

ERIN AND ERIN IN THE FIRST “I’M NOT READY TO GO HOME YET” SKIRMISH!!!  Mary Sarah against Justin Whisnant.  Nice choice of song but it was clear who was best here and I’m sure Erin agreed and had her fingers crossed that her first round pick beat her last round pick.  She did, Justin is on a one-way flight back to of course Oklahoma and Erin is very very relieved.

ERIN VS. PAT IN A DO WE REALLY NEED TO HAVE A TORY KELLY SONG ISN’T IT ENOUGH TO JUST HAVE HER AS A DUD MENTOR DISAGREEMENT!!!!  Natalie Yacovazzi and Nate Butler sing whatever song that was.  They seemed even so I rooted for the guy on my side (who has an amazingly square head!).  Adam picks…..Nate!   MAN I NEED TO NOT PREPARE MORE OFTEN!  Natalie is devastated once again.

JIM VS. DEB IN A BATTLE OF CHAMPIONS!!!!  Adam Wakefield goes against fodder Jared Hodder who looks sullen and bereft of confidence from the first.  They sing Can’t You See, I didn’t actually know that’s what the song was called but it makes total sense.  Then Deb and I debated whether or not Marshall Tucker Band first sang it, we decided it was actually The Band and then looked it up to realize we were wrong and by that time it was over and Adam had clearly won.

ERIN AND DEB IN, well, a really boring battle.  Shy Caity Peters and Nervous Joe Vivona.  Diddy snapped him some swag but it made no difference.  And friends, Honesty?  Honestly, poor song.  Post rehearsal Deb regrets her second round pick of Joe.  Caity wins because Pharrell can’t spend his entire time trying to make sure Joe Vivona doesn’t puke on stage.

And there we go!  Do you want standings?  BROTHER PAT IS IN THE LEAD FOLKS!!  Talk to you next week when I’m sure that will not still be the case.

STANDINGS!!

As ever I love each and every one of you,

Brother Pat

Scoring recap

It is going to be the same as last year:

Winning battle round/showdown round -- 2 points
Lose battle/showdown but stolen -- 1 point
Make the live rounds -- 3 point bonus 
Surviving a live round -- 2 points
Making the top 5 -- 5 point bonus 
Surviving round after top 5 -- 4 points 
Winning The Voice -- 7 points 
BONUS ROUND:  After all battles are done, each team picks 3 finalists, each successful guess is worth 5 points. 

I've heard from everyone except Erin who is probably busy but I hope still in!

Watched the first audition episode.  First heavy sigh of the season:  realizing Gwen is going to be Blake's mentor.  

already??? um.....I mean, ALREADY!!!!

"It's nobody's fault but my own"
                    --Beck


Apologies to my TSAVFL friends, I did not realize the new season was upon us!  The lovely Deb is out of town so I have not seen it yet but it is time to make sure everyone is in this year -- go ahead and say hi in the comments to let me know.

You know that honesty is my gig here so I will tell you straight up front that my buzzword for the season is trepidation.  Last season went off a cliff onto a pile of bricks so quickly!

I am thankful that Gwen and Blake aren't on this season together because that might just actually kill me.

Enjoy the auditions!  I will gather my scoring notes and stuff and write again soon with details.

I love each and every one of you.  Here's to the new season!

With promises of recapping meltdowns to come,
Brother Pat