Knockouts Week One!

“It ain't her fault for being ruthless”

--The White Stripes

It was Harry Potter versus Voldemort. It was Robin Hood versus the Sheriff of Nottingham. Captain Kirk versus the Klingons. Frodo versus Sauron. Luke Skywalker versus Darth Vader. Light versus dark, summer versus winter, Caitlin Caporale versus Hannah Kirby.

For Deb it was a battle of good and evil. She literally leans away from the television when Hannah is on. When Higher Love was revealed as Hannah's song, she shivered. I have to be honest, I couldn't stop laughing. Now, as I admitted before I'm a bit of a sucker for her and really enjoy watching her perform, though to be fair it isn't so much her voice as it is the trance that comes over her when she gets on stage so I do feel a little bad that I'm laughing at the weird girl. Meanwhile, Caitlin seems determined and has a great voice of her own and sort of reminds me of a daughter of one of Deb's cousins so she's easy to root for. Luckily for all of us, NBC remains determined to suck every last possibility of suspense out of their own show by letting us know well in advance that both were going through so at least she didn't have to worry about Hannah actually knocking Caitlin out. But she still exhaled loudly in relief at the verdict.

Originally I was going to keep a running commentary in my notes about Nate Reuss, but to be honest I had no further feelings about him the entire show than I did going in other than the fact he looked a little hobbity. I don't know what to make of him. Here is the first song I ever heard from Nate Reuss, it is with the band he had before starting fun., called The Format. It encapsulates everything I like and don't like about him:

https://youtu.be/MGHevQoWsGA

He's just a little too much if that makes sense. But honestly, I like that song better than anything on the fun. album.

Three things I do not understand:

1. Seriously, what is up with NBC and the spoilers?
2. Why do I end up sort of liking people I really can't stand at the audition? Looking at you Sonic just in case you didn't hear me.
3. Why do people like Ashley Morgan pick songs that require attitude when stage presence is your weakest point? I'm not partial about Benatar though, there was about a two year period where a girlfriend had her poster in the bedroom and god I hated that thing.

Two Xtina moments – “You have an amazing spirit that lives in your vocal cords.” The other moment was when Clinton Washington (who turned out not to be the bargain pick I had thought) had lost his battle to Nathan Hermida. I didn't have much of an opinion on the battle itself but how much shade did Xtina throw when, after NOT stealing Clinton back, basically said “OH WAIT! I must have spaced out and forgot to steal!” Yeah, surrrrrrrrrre. I bet that helped ease the sting.

And speaking of stings (yeah, I'm all over the place today), there were some of those as well. There was the sting of Walla Walla Whoopemup getting whooped down to just one remaining singer with the surprise departure of one Cody Wickline (though the conditioner on the ends of the hair trick is a good one!), the sting of the first round pick Anthony Riley's sudden departure for Sizzle & Fizzle (Gina M.'s unfortunately appropriate team name); the sting of Blake matching up Sarah Potenza (who I love) and Brian Johnson in the Battle Of The Not So Attractive and, to my dismay, Sting himself, or at least a Sting song. Some of you are aware of the duality of my love for The Police balanced by the fact that I hate Sting like Deb hates Hannah Kirby though I'll admit that If You Love Somebody... is one of his better efforts. I also have a weird appreciation for Fields of Gold though that usually leads to a bout of self-loathing.

Which brings me to a confession. I've done lots of drafts, because I am a geek that way. I like to think I do all right at it. But I panicked in the first round of the TSAVFL 3^rd season draft. I felt confident that with the fifth pick one of Sawyer Fredericks, Cody Wickline, Jeremy Gaynor or India Carney would be around......and then they weren't and I was looking at my draft list and I saw that I had Travis Ewing's name up there high but I DIDN'T EVEN QUITE REMEMBER WHO HE WAS but time was ticking and I didn't see Josh Davis' name or I'd probably have gone that way and and and.......I screwed up my pick. You may feel free to remind me of this the next time I make fun of one of your picks.

Boy, desperation just radiates off Megan Linsey. She makes me uncomfortable and I don't know how well she will do once it gets down to voting. Hummingbird Lightfoot is stacked though with three already through with two more left to sing. Debbie Eaglesong is soaring with three through to the live rounds and Barry and the Ladies have two in and three left to go. It is still early and DON'T FORGET AFTER THE KNOCKOUTS TO GET ME YOUR THREE FINALIST PICKS so there are a lot of points to go, but at this stage it sure looks like a three way battle between those teams.

How bad must it suck to be the one person losing a three way battle? But when they showed Mia Z, Sawyer Frederick and Paul Pfau, it seemed pretty clear that there was only one spot for a long haired hat wearer and they are not kicking Sawyer out. I think Paul knew it from the start too. It reminded me of a show at the Moore Theater that Deb and I went to a few years back. The headliner was Gomez, with two opening acts, Rodrigo y Gabriela and Matt Pond PA (when they had their song). You never expect a ton from a first opener of three but Oh My God Rodrigo y Gabriela came out and just KILLED it. It was the best opener I've ever seen. They got a standing ovation AND AN ENCORE from the first act! So then after this barnburner of an opening Matt Pond PA takes the stage and they are absolutely demoralized. It was awful and you felt bad for them but it just happens – the audience wanted either more of Rodrigo y Gabriela or Gomez. It was an impossible situation.

And......that looks like most of my notes. Looking forward to next week where we will finish up the Knockout Rounds and barring any last minute fuckery by NBC there will be some bonus points to dish out to the lucky teams who have folks moving on. Remember:

YOU CAN CLICK HERE FOR THE STANDINGS!!

A Conversation

Me:  Hey, I've got a trade proposal for you for Sawyer Fredericks.
Deb (stares for two seconds):  If you had Sawyer Fredericks would you trade him?
Me:  No.
Deb:  Well then?
Me:  But don't you want to try a trade?
Deb:  OK.  I want India Carney.  Do you think Erin is going to trade India Carney?
Me:  No.
Deb:  I don't get the trade thing.

Battles Week Two -- And Trade Rules!

“The nurse should not be the one who puts salt in your wounds”

--The White Stripes

You are a contestant on The Voice. You have been striving for years for this break, you've played gigs to a handful of people, you've practiced, rehearsed, worked, doubted and believed, if in nothing else, the credo that you are making good choices for your career. You have sacrificed for this. Now, you have made it past the audition rounds, you have picked your coach, your mentor, the person that you best believe understands who you are as an artist and pledges to help you achieve that big break. You give it your all in the battle, you pour out those years of learning and yearning and belief. But after all that, there is one question you didn't think of: what do you do when you win a round and your coach does not want you anyway?

Kimberly Nicole had to think about that. Yes, Lowell Oakley – the 50's style crooner – was somehow able to pull off a really nice rendition of Elvis Presley. I didn't think much of him at his audition but he was much better than that. Still, despite the oohs and aahs from the judges (and one of the most boring 'who do I pick' routines EVER), Hound Dog should not be a huge stretch for the kid. Now, I thought Kimberly Nicole was fine in her audition but just a mid round pick for me. I was wrong. She is dynamite. She killed it. And Pharrell let her go. That's got to hurt, and she did not look happy at all to be moving teams, and I don't blame her one bit.

Gina T, I don't know what to say. It was a WAY better pick than Menlik, but at least Menlik got you a point! I would have picked Jeremy Gaynor in that battle round. The song choice did not help, at least in my eyes because Adam, but still, dude should be on somewhere. I'd have thought so if for no other reason but the West Point back story. If you get first pick next year I will give you the opportunity to have me rerun a draft order. But third time is the charm!

Somewhere in a DVR twilight zone is our recording of Monday's episode, god knows we couldn't find it so had to watch the on-demand that doesn't let you forward through commercials. I thought Undateable looked funny and that fact had me contemplating my life, at least until the commercial break was over. At least I hated what I saw about One Big Happy so that makes me feel a little better.

Gina M and Ed once again are one-two at the end of the battle rounds with 9 points apiece AND haven't gotten home from the Maldives yet so I am doubly envious. Ed, I think it a very good omen for Barry and the Ladies that Barry actually won Adam's Battle Of The Old Guys. I was rooting for him because I just felt that as a lawyer (whether he wants to be one or not) Jack Grigori is likely a little better set financially than Barry working the grill at the local golf club. When I mentioned that Deb said “Don't root against me!” By the way I don't know if Grigori is spelled right, honestly, any spelling mistakes on names in this entire competition is solely due to the fact that you know who I'm talking about anyway and I can't be bothered to look them up. I will strive to get all of our names right though.

Right behind them are Erin & Langdon's Karaoke SongBookWorms and Jim's Hummingbird Lightfoot with 8 each. The Worms had four wins and have what has to be a lock for the live shows in India Carney at the top of what looks to be a strong team. I laughed twice during the rehearsals between Treeva Gibson and Katelyn Read; the first time when after the rehearsal Xtina got a look on her face like someone farted and just said “Hmmmm. Hmm hmm hmm.” and then when they were wrapped so tightly they couldn't scream, though it is fair to note that Treeva may not have much reason to scream all that much living with deaf parents. It must be hard to be a petulant teenager when nobody hears it. Tell you what though, I listened to that song with my eyes closed and Treeva, though a little shaky at the beginning took over that performance about halfway through and was clearly best at the end. For Hummingbird, Jacob Rummell is kind of adorably goofy and I really like him, but I'm not sure where he goes, and I certainly thought there were better steals available. Though I would have picked West Point, Rob Taylor is no slouch and man can that guy hit some high notes. Also interested to see Deanna Johnson and Nathan Hermida next round, I wanted Nathan on my team just before Jim picked him and while you don't love seeing your people be included on the montage I expect them both to be pretty good.

There are two more teams right behind that, Debbie Eaglesong and Champion Bull, both with 7 points. It really was relaxing to not have your people going by the way. Deb was involved in the first three matchups Monday, winning with Caitlin Caporale and then losing Katelyn and Grigori. I was kind of feeling bad for her but then Sawyer Fredericks sang Have You Ever Seen The Rain and then I just got pissed at her for taking him before I did. I love that kid. I didn't mention it during the auditions because I wanted him but Deb knew because he started playing I Am a Man of Constant Sorrow. Some of you know that is a song that holds special meaning for me and as such I hold it to a very high standard. I loved what he did with it. If you asked me right now my top three picks to make the finals I would say Sawyer Fredericks, Cody Wickline and India Carney. Really can't wait to see what he does next, much like that hot streak Taylor John Williams had last year, but I think Fredericks is better.

It was a tough week for our two remaining teams, Walla Walla Whoopemup and Fluffy Koalababy. WWW lost his final pick but I thought Clinton Washington looked like a bargain after that battle with India Carney. He has a horrible nose but man, he was right there with her and that was one of the best battles this year. Actually while I think about that, here are my top three battles this year:

1. Sawyer Fredericks/Noelle Bybee
2. India Carney/Clinton Washington
3. Sarah Potenza/Hannah Kirby

Anyway, between Wickline, Potenza and Washington I think that team is going to be fine.

I've been writing Nick Jonas as Joe Jonas in my notes because I don't know the difference and it probably doesn't matter much but wanted to admit my mistake. Lionel Richie has been great, since I don't think of him being around much anymore I didn't expect much, but he has been involved and interested and it's always fun to think man, he and The Commodores had some great songs. In high school I loved when I could slow dance to Three Times a Lady. If you were able to find a girl to slow dance with to Three Times a Lady, you were going to get to make out later.

After the draft there were questions about trading. I finally came up with a time frame for that – NOW, between the Battle and the Knockout rounds, you may make trades. They do not have to be one for one, they could be two for one or whatever, but all contestants involved in the trade can not have sung yet in the Knockout round, and it will also need Unofficial Standing Keepers approval (USK Motto: I Can't Think Of Much I Would Not Approve). Points earned to date will stay with the original owner.

So, three easy requirements:

1. Has to be submitted to me before any of the singers involved in the trade sing in the Knockouts.
2. Needs approval.
3. Points previously earned stay with the original owner.

Is that fair? It seems fair. Please share ideas/comments/concerns if you have any in the comments and we will hash it out if anything seems off.

Sorry about the delay this week, some of these are harder to come up with than others and I really did watch a ton of basketball the past couple days.

CLICK HERE FOR STANDINGS!

Battles Week One

“They're just things you don't want

I can use 'em

Meg can use 'em

We can do something with 'em

We'll make something out of 'em

Make some money out of 'em at least”

--The White Stripes

It's all just jokey and fun. We watch the auditions, we take notes and it's fun because it is a way to pretend that we are judges ourselves, get a little catty about contestants, come up with a couple of bon mots and laugh about the idea of being actual adult people participating in a fantasy league of a certainly not entirely on the level singing competition. And then we draft and we have fun trash talk and try and pick our favorites and by the way thank you my friends, it was indeed a lovely 70 minutes or so.

And then you watch the show and it seems like every single one of your team is up first and they are all underdogs and they missed a note and goddamnit what the fuck is Pharrell thinking and OH MY GOD I'M SO TENSE WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING TO ME? All of my team was involved in the FIRST SHOW AND A HALF. I need a drink.

Gina M would know the feeling if not for the fact that she is enjoying herself in the Maldives and doesn't realize that five of hers went as well. Her team was strong out of the gate again this year with 4 of 5 moving on. Jim was three for three and Tim also was pretty busy with four of his team singing but two going home – Michael Leier & James McNiece. I just want to say one thing to Tim: I hope you've learned something here.

But Tim also has one Cody Wickline, number 1 on my draft list and someone that is very likely to be on my Bonus Round finalist guess list. I thought Meghan Trainor was sort of adorable and loved it when she fanned herself as Cody sang to her. Debbie did the same thing during his performance. Deb also said, “I should have picked him, right?” Yeah, probably.  I like to think I sort of looked like that at 19, I was thin with the same sort of hair and first mustache.  But that look is just as easily the slightly too old for the job fry cook you get weed from so I may not be remembering perfectly.

I feel there were an awful lot of steals. Clearly they are more rigged than they used to be. I think coaches lobby behind the scenes and NBC sets up duels that will be most appealing and where they know at least one coach really wants the loser. I'm OK with that for the most part because a) it mostly gets the best singers going forward and b) I enjoy pro wrestling and that is scripted as well. It's all in how you sell it. But one thing I do not understand in the least. NBC, why in the fuck are you TELLING US THERE IS GOING TO BE A STEAL RIGHT AFTER THIS BREAK? You cannot have it both ways. You cannot say “The Result Will Shock EVERYONE” and then have three Steal lights pop up. Because you know who isn't shocked now? THE AUDIENCE. God. This doesn't seem so hard. Between this, the duel montages and the half audition/half battle/no draft time debacle you are on my last nerve.

And c'mon, did anyone ever think that Megan Linsey (who might be a little crazy) was not going to end up on Blake's team? I wanted to like that duel because Beatles but our TV got out of sync and it was just weird and disorienting.

Lionel Richie looked good. I loved that he schooled Anthony Riley. You do not know how depressed I was to see him get matched up with my first round pick Travis Ewing. Plus during the song I started to waver because I always root for guys with cocked up eyes but it was against my guy so all in all it was a stressful few minutes. And now he's with Blake and that would be fine but I don't think Blake has any idea at all what to do with him. SMH.

Am I the only one who gets annoyed when a coach puts together two of his best people and then says something like “I hate to lose either one of them”. It seems like there would be an easy solution. DON'T PUT THEM TOGETHER. God. But then he picked my guy and it was all good.

We weren't looking forward to the Sonic – Ameera matchup during the intro but Deb thought that Sonic did really good and was kind of riveted. My mind wandered, I don't remember any of it. Did you know Sonic is partly deaf?

What was riveting was the special kind of insanity shown by one Hannah Kirby. That is the girl at the party that you casually make out with for awhile for no particular reason and never expect to see again. But you do. Oh, do you. I'm not being sexist here, if Hannah Kirby was a guy I would refer to him as the guy at the party you make out with casually for no particular reason and never expect to see again. The point is, Hannah Kirby is just a little bit scary. It's not just me. My wife is a very tolerant person, but Deb does not have a super high tolerance for crazy. She was kind of staring at the TV in a mix of horror and disbelief and finally said “God, she just bugs the shit out of me”. One of the great things about The Voice is that sometimes you just find someone to hate and it is so damn fun. Deb hates Hannah Kirby. I'm sure my soulhate will show up eventually.

Have they always played sad music in the background during the cruel segment where they have the loser thank the judges for being humiliated in front of millions by begging for the chance to be stolen?

The difference in Blaze Johnson's and Michael Leier's sizes was so stark that it was distracting. Deb said, “The big guy keeps swinging around like an elephant and the little guy just looks like a hobbit”. Xtina (as an aside, I'll probably use that more than Christina – a few keystrokes here, a few keystrokes there and maybe you put off the inevitable carpal nerve damage by a year) was at her snarky best after that duel, “Yeah, that's an interesting one.”

At the bottom of this you'll find a link to the standings through this week's battles. Gina M needs to give me a team name, if you did last night I missed it, sorry. Tim, I think that was the one you wanted, let me know if not.

Next week we'll be seeing lots of Debbie's, Erin/Langdon's, Gina T. and Ed's teams. I am going to be so relaxed.

Click here for standings!

NBC HATES THE TSAVFL

You bastards.  I know you are running scared of The Super Awesome Voice Fantasy League.

THINKING YOU CAN GO RIGHT INTO BATTLES BEFORE WE DRAFT.

But I can pause my DVR.  And skip through the commercials.  This aggression will not stand.  THE PEOPLE WILL PREVAIL.

Draft Date and Info

Date:  Wednesday, March 11th
Time:  6:30 PM Pacific
            9:30 PM Eastern
            9:30 AM Singapore

Place:  Gmail chatroom -- Erin, would you be so kind as to help with that again?

Draft procedure will be the same as last time.  I will determine the order by random.org.  We will draft in snake order, eg:

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, 1, etc etc etc.

Scoring will also be the same as last time:

Winning battle/showdown round:  2 points
Lose battle/showdown but are stolen:  1 point
Make the live rounds:  2 point bonus
Surviving a live round:  2 points
Making the top 5:  3 bonus points
Surviving round after top 5:  3 points
Winning The Voice -- 5 points
BONUS ROUND:  After all battles each player picks 3 finalists, each successful guess is worth 4 points.

Let me know if you have any questions and I will "see" you all on Wednesday!

My God, it's Beautiful

"I said 39 times that I love you
to the beauty I had found"
                -- The White Stripes

It started, as so many stories start, with a passing comment from Deb on the commute into work.  "What did you order from UPS?"
"Nothing I can remember, why?"
"I'm signed up for this thing where UPS lets me know when we have a package coming and I got a notice saying that there is something on the way."
"Huh.  I don't remember ordering anything."  (note, we both know that this in no way means that I didn't order something)

Later that day.  "I talked to Dan and he ordered something to come to our house so that has to be what it is."  Whew.  Mystery resolved.

Cut to yesterday afternoon.  I had a dentist appointment, came home and there was a box on the dining room table for me.  I ask Deb, "did you open it?"  "Does it look opened?"  "You should have opened it."  "I'm not opening a box that has your name on it."  So I opened it.  And this is what was inside:

It is a thing of beauty.  It is a treasure.  It is our, the TSAVFL's, Stanley Cup.  We have Erin to thank for this.  I have decided that when this season is over, I will send this to the winner, who will be able to serve as its custodian until the next TSAVFL champion receives it and so forth.  It is to be celebrated.  Drink with it, pose it in places, do what you will with this Super Awesome symbol which proves, for that season, that YOU, future TSAVFL champion, YOU HAVE INDEED MADE IT THROUGH THAT YEAR AND IT DID NOT KILL YOU.

Erin, I cannot thank you enough.  This is one of life's few Perfect Things.

I believe that NBC may be actively conspiring to make the TSAVFL draft as difficult as humanly possible.  I do not know why they are doing this but there is no other way to read the upcoming DVR description of next Monday's episode which, if I am reading this correctly (and I was stoned at the time so let us take that into consideration), gives me the impression that it is BOTH the end of the auditions AND the beginning of the battles.  HOW IN THE HELL IS THIS POSSIBLE?   Is BIG NETWORK afraid of the TSAVFL?  THANKS OBAMA.

So friends, we must gather in the comments to figure out a draft time/schedule.  Gina M and Ed are travelling and we have the usual West Coast/East Coast time differences.  The honor system as ever is deployed so that if and when the battles start we are bound to DVR/tape delay until after we are able to draft.

Tuesday would probably be too soon to process the final team picks and draft lists for those of us who watch Monday on delay.  But temptation is usually SO HARD to put off until the weekend.  It is a quandary.

I would suggest finding a time between Wednesday March 11th and Friday the 13th but let us discuss below and see what restrictions folks have.

A final note, Deb is hard at work on both her draft list and her Rainbow Connection team name.  This is a conversation we had on our commute:
Deb:  So have you decided what your spirit animal is?
Me:  What?
Deb:  FOR THE VOICE.  Your spirit animal!  For the team name!  Like Gabriel Wolfchild!
Me:  Hmm.  How about Scallop Oysterheart?
Deb (slightly irritated):  You're just hungry.  And oysters don't have hearts.

IT'S DRAFT TIME PEOPLE!!!  WHO'S EXCITED?

I hope your spirit animal is easier to find than mine (and remind me one day to tell my spirit animal story),
Pat